Update time! & Weigh In

Hello~

So it's been a little while and I've finally gotten time to update this fabulous blog.

When I last left it I was home getting ready for my brothers wedding and binging on junk food every single night.

We're talking pizza, burgers, potato wedges, meat, cake and chocolate covered strawberries. I didn't go to the gym ONCE the entire week I was home and when I was returning to work I promised myself to work hard to work off the weight I KNEW I must have gained the week before.

So now that I was finally weigh myself, I'm pretty satisfied though not thrilled with my results:

Current Weight: 225 lbs (pretty much the same weight from a couple of weeks ago)

Work Out Achievement(s): So after the celebration time I went back to Nevada and started working again. I had bought myself desperately-needed-new hiking boots and boy did I use them.

I actually went jogging (yes I said jogging) once along the road near our campsite.

--Music really does make a difference and I am more and more grateful for my little mp3 player.. but I need more music. I need to rebuild my Itunes music collection. I feel empty ever since my comp crashed... but maybe my plea for people to give me their music should be at another blog.. but in case I don't get to that I'm just going to drop it in: I need MUSIC! I like EVERYTHING! Help Me!!... lol--

Anyway I jogged the area since this was a new campsite and we also were only going to be there for half the week. I was able to take a couple of pictures along the way.


This is one pic of the road I was following while I jogged/explored the area around our campsite. Pretty nice right?

I jogged/powerwalked for thirty minutes. I didn't realize how far I had gone until I decided to power walk back and the return trip took me 45 minutes. I felt a little proud of myself I admit. LOL

After that the other big exertion I had was this awesome hike/climb me and a few other co-workers ended up doing. We drove to the edge of this mountain side to view this great peak. After taking some pictures and talking about the plant life on the other side, we got the idea to go over there and climb up a side of the peak.

I huffed and puffed the whole way but I made it! I was very proud of myself.



This is the view of the peak we were going to. We decided to go to the other side


When I finally made it to the top of the other side I asked someone to take a picture of me tired and winded but happy.

I pretty much thought I had done a good job at making up for my earlier binge.

Goal(s): So now that I know I've been maintaining my weight yet not losing weight I think it's time I worked harder and stepped it up a notch. I think that means I have to re-calculate my calorie intake and start refining my work out schedule. I knew this was going to happen. Everything didn't seem TOO hard once I started losing the pounds. I guess you could say I'm worried I've reached another plateau. It freaken sucks to reach a plateau.

Anyway wish me luck friends and I leave you with one of my recent favorite pictures of me and my family during my lil brothers lil wedding:



smile~

We can do it!

-w0rld

Pictures!

So I promised I'd show off pictures of my current adventures in the middle of nowhere Nevada.

I never really thought much about what Nevada looked like and I was happily surprised by what I saw:

This is the beginning of my hike last Saturday


The day was overcast and slightly rainy. It was a little cold and wet. I thought the trail would just continue to be a road and I could simply follow it to wherever it took me, but I quickly found out that the road soon ended and I had to simply find a spot to walk on that wouldn't trample the knee high grass and continued to follow the trees.

Yes that's me with my tons of layers.. It's kind of weird to be wearing gloves, beanies and long johns in the middle of June but that's what happened. The week had started out warm and sunny and as the week progressed it got cloudier and colder. By the end of the week all the layers I usually reserved for the night I was wearing during the day as well. The whole reason I was able to go on this hike was because the area we were working at was raining and making us miserable. Good thing camp wasn't raining quite so hard yet..

The area I was at was near this awesome creek


which ran along my own made trail. Since I had been working in the desert all spring I kept staring at this wonderful source of water, so close to camp. I kept walking off toward the small bank and dipping my fingers in the cold water. I almost felt like jumping in. I think I might have if it wasn't so shallow. Yes I know it was cold but let me tell ya when you aren't near a shower everything looks appealing.

My boss had told me to stay on the right side of the creek. I wasn't really planning to get lost so I paid attention to him. I was happy to do so. There was a lot of little things to see.



On the other side was a burn site where the trees were literally standing charcoal and the ground below me was literally cushioned with old ash.. It was amazing. I didn't realize that lupins grew so well and amazingly around burn sites as well as some other plants that were out there. If you touched the branches of the trees you would come back with a hand full of blash ash.



After a bit I decided to climb up this hill and get a good look of the whole area

that was the area I had already walked and this one:


is the area I didn't get to.

It really is quite an amazing place. I stayed on that hill until my personal body heat cooled and I saw that a new set of storm clouds were forming and coming over. Once I saw that I climbed down and headed back to camp.

The last picture was the picture I talked about in my last post where I was really surprised at the person I saw in the image:


What do you think?

That's the start of an adventure you guys.

Have fun!

-w0rld

A (not so Quick) Weigh In!

Hello Everyone!

I'm back for a short period of time and I've survived my first week of working in Nevada. The area where I work is absolutely GORGEOUS! The work is not difficult (though I did have to bust my ass to learn everything quickly and well) and the people are friendly. Yay!

I'll be posting pics and etc soon but for now let's do a quick Weigh In:

Current Weight: 225 lbs (I have now lost 26 lbs since starting. I remember this was exactly how much I weighed in my first day in JROTC class my freshman year of high school. Where I had to get weighed in front of everyone for my personal file to measure my fitness level throughout the year... yeah I remember things like this.. lol)

Work Out Achievement(s): So now that I started this new job, and I really wasn't sure what I would be doing, I saw that there is going to be a lot less walking and a lot more climbing over dead logs, going on quick spurts up hill while carrying supplies, squatting down and getting up repeatedly.. and over all a lot more busy work than just putting one leg in front of the other. I would come back to my tent pretty tired but not overly exhausted like walking several miles a day was like. .. and I admit right now that I could have gone on after-work hikes but I only did it once in the 8 days I was out there.

What does all this mean? It means that I'm getting a bit more muscle action and less cardio. Which also means that if I don't watch what I eat I could start gaining weight again, but it also means that my arms are now slightly more formed and my upper tighs are slightly less huge. Both I've noticed and both I'm very proud of.. LOL

I ended up having limited food while I was out there and I ate very little meat products. Combined with my limited cardio I'm both happy and a little disappointed at my weight loss this week. I ended up losing a couple of pounds but I kept hoping I would be a little closer to the 220's and not too close to the 230's. Don't get me wrong though. I'm thrilled I'm right in the middle. This means that if I keep my head together this week I can make sure I don't gain anything.

Also while I was out in the middle-of-nowhere Nevada (my job site is 6 hours East of Reno.. so smack dab middle of the state.. and full of green hills and snow capped mountains. lol) I asked one of my co-workers to take a picture of me with a nice landscape background. I posed. She took the pic. I thanked her and the day moved on.. until that night when I was all cozy-ed up in my sleeping bag and decided to look through my pictures of the week... and I found that one shot of me.

I looked Thin! I actually looked like I had curves and, dare I say it, a figure! I literally did a double take and stared at the camera screen for a full minute with my mouth open. I couldn't believe it. I honestly couldn't.

The first thing that went through my mind was: "This is me? Are you sure??"

You also have to remember that I had been camping out for a week, where things like mirrors, showers and toilets are non-existent and you have to guess at how you look and hope that you don't look like shit.

But I admit I wasn't completely shocked. I had been noticing the entire week how every piece of clothing I was wearing was loose. How I continued to have to re-adjust my belt and lift my pants up since they kept falling. How I had to adjust my work shirts and undershirts because they kept riding down my shoulders. How wearing layers no longer felt like I was restricting movement since I had plenty of space in my pants to have things underneath.

I remember hiking back to camp from my hike out on Saturday. I was walking a little quickly trying to beat the rain clouds that were coming and I swore I could feel my legs and butt move freely inside my jeans (which were once considered skin tight-ish). I purposely moved with a bit of a swing to my hips to continue feeling the bagginess of it all.

It felt sooo great.

Goal(s): So I have to admit right now that although I was doing a great job with eating pretty well all last week (since I had to because all I took with me were "healthy-ish" things) I totally binged yesterday.. and a little bit today too so far.

Since yesterday was the day my crew came back to civilization we stopped at a small town diner for breakfast. I ordered a mushroom omelet with biscuits and gravy AND greasy hashbrowns. I finished the whole thing.

That late afternoon I had a late lunch of an In N Out burger with extra onion, fries and a strawberry shake. Again I finished everything with gusto.

And lastly when I finally got home from a 9 hr drive (Reno to L.A.) I came home around 12:30 a.m..... and had pizza with my mom who stayed up to great me.. yes.. not only did I eat pizza but I ate it in the middle of the night with my mom.~

Today I ate pizza for breakfast AND lunch... and I haven't gone outside at all yet. Bad, bad, bad.

Anyway now that I've gotten that confession out of the way my immediate goal is to lose another pound by the end of the week (hopefully).

This weekend is my little brothers wedding/baby shower and I already bought a fancy (for me) dress. Yes, I said DRESS, which I WILL look great in, just you watch.

My other main goal that's coming up soon and I'm determined to accomplish is/was to be around 215 lbs by my birthday. My birthday is in August and I'm super driven to get there!

My overall goal right now is to get to 200 lbs by the middle of December. I don't know what obstacles are waiting for me but at this point in time it seems more than likely that I'll make my goal. I just have to keep working on it and not give up... and stop eating pizza for breakfast. LOL.

~~~

I will post pictures of my cool hike and my "I can't believe it's me in this picture" photo soon.

Till then I will be marveling at my image in the mirror for a little bit (lol) and then keep moving forward!

Love and all that jazz
-w0rld

Heading out on a New Adventure

So I'll be heading out to start a new field job in Nevada tomorrow morning. I'm actually pretty nervous. Everything is going to be completely new. New job working in a field I haven't had much experience with. Heading to and working in a new area I've never been to. Working with people I've never met.

I haven't forgotten the promise I've made myself to not mention my weight like it's some sort of handicap and to continue to think of myself in a positive and capable light instead of focusing on the things I don't know or can't do. (Psshh I can do anything right? Right!)

But I admit right now I've always been nervous about people meeting me and thinking I'm "too fat" to be working with them. (I've had these feelings all my life not just with field work but for everything. Which is ridiculous if you think about it. How can someone be too fat to work in a library, or sell a product? But in today's world image and sex sells and the less attractive person has a harder time getting through the door, whether it's because of the employers prejudice and/or the persons low self esteem.)

We have to remember here you guys that I'm trying to go through a "wellness" journey. Not just a weight loss journey. That means that there is a lot more to get fixed and work through than just the number of pounds on the scale. I have to work through years and years of low self esteem and self worth. Years of self inflicting negative thoughts and images. Years of hiding behind food to comfort me in bad situations and stress.

As I work through all these different things I have to constantly remind myself that I am worth getting to know. That I am smart, funny and just plain awesome. That I am a girl and that somewhere inside all that flab is a confident and strong woman. I have to remind myself that I'm human and goddammit I should look and feel sexy when I want to. (Yes. I said it!)

I have to remember all the times that I said no to things because I was too shy or ashamed to go out with friends. When I made excuses to stay home instead of socialize because I hated not only the way I looked but who I was and "who wants to meet me anyway". I have to remind myself of times I've felt overlooked or invisible. I have to do this so that I can learn from those times and move past them.

Yes they happened. Yes I was in a self hating bubble. But I'm older now. I'm working toward getting better now. I'm moving on with my life and taking all these bad situations and taking the good things too.

We have to remember that we make mistakes and 'fall off horses' (though I've never done that literally and I hope I never do because falling off a horse seems very painful and downright dangerous!) I promised myself that I won't let all those things stop me from getting to meet new people and make new friends.

I won't let these nerves I have stop me from getting excited over getting to see new places, take new pictures and learn new things.

Being fat is not a death wish. It's an obstacle we have to go through to find who we really are. It's the obstacle *I* have to go through anyway.


The point of all this is that I've been getting pretty angsty about this new job and all my old thoughts and doubts about myself started popping up again.

I needed to write this down mainly to convince MYSELF of everything I just said. I decided to write it in this blog because it's something I have to go through to keep on my "journey". And what's the point of keeping this blog if it isn't to write in the good stuff, the bad stuff and everything in between.


I can do this. I Will do this. And it'll be great!


Wish me luck!
-w0rld

Weigh In- Hello June!

So I decided to wait until the first of June to do my Weigh In so I could have something to start the month with...

Current Weight: 227 lbs (I haven't been this weight since my freshman year of high school 10 years ago.. This was definitely a "wow I can't believe it" moment)

Work Out Achievement(s): Later yesterday after I wrote my work out post I decided to go to this area a mile or so away where I've walked my dogs before and attempt to go jogging.

The area is just this cement-well manicured lawn-snake-y trail with grass on either side and every few feet there's a section where people could stop and do stretches. There are little signs that show you what stretch or whatever that station is for. A lot of people go there to walk, run, jog, bike, and walk their dogs so I thought it would be a nice area to go to.

I put on my headphones and used the songs to transition from walking to jogging to walking again. There were sections that went uphill and down hill too so it was nice. By the time I reached the park at the top of the hill that connected to the trail I was burning up. I took a quick break and then changed the music to see if I could keep the same pace all the way back to my car.

I ended up finding a song that kept me at a nice little trot and I jogged back to my car without stopping. It was amazing. My breath wasn't labored and I remembered someone telling me that the way to start running is to start at a pace where you can feel comfortable. I think I found my pace.

Since I didn't know how far I had gone I decided to get in my car and drive up the hill to where I started jogging back and track my miles (yes I'm a dork.. deal with it!)

The trail was 1.6 miles. I was shocked. I had jogged over a mile without stopping or slowing down... sure my pace wasn't race material but it wasn't super slow either. Since I had gone out and back that equaled over 2 miles.

I mentally patted myself on the back and went home. hehehe..

Today I went swimming. It felt great to get back in the pool. I had bought new goggles weeks before but hadn't had a chance to use them since I'd been away in the desert where there are no pools. Before I jumped in I checked my weight and found my little surprise. After I swam I chatted with a woman in the hot tub and she asked me how much weight I'd lost. I told her since I started in Dec/January around 24 lbs. She seemed impressed and asked me what I had been doing. I told her. I somehow felt a little proud yet a little odd since it seemed like I was some sort of success story (like the ones you read in weight loss books and magazines) and yet I knew I still have a loooooong way to go.

Either way it made my day. And so far my day has been great.

Goal(s): Well here comes the confession part. I admit now that a couple of weeks ago I finally broke my "no juice" streak. It started with really diluted apple juice when I was working out in the field, which I forgave myself for, but when I went to Vegas the shit hit the fan. My friend had brought Capri-Sun to take with us as we walked the strip. I cringed when I saw them. I could have said no. I could have left the box in the trunk of my car. But I didn't. I drank more than one and got pissed when she left some in the front of my car because I drank another one on my drive home.

Not only that but we stopped at the Coca-Cola store and tried the 16 different sodas from around the world. Yes you got that right. 16 different samples of soda from around the world. It was actually pretty cool to try all the different flavors. Though I felt completely bloated afterwards.


Yes, that's what 16 soda samples looks like. Some of them were pretty good. But one of them was completely awful. I'm never ordering soda from Italy. I'll stick to pasta.

I was also pretty worried that I had gained weight during the trip because all we ended up eating was a large strawberry pie, greasy appetizers and crackers (I was poor. Don't judge me! lol) And so I realized I had to make a change.

I have to re-evaluate my calorie intake and also have to pay really close attention to the food I'm going to take with me when I start camping in Nevada next week. I talked to one of my super healthy co-workers about my weight loss journey and asked her to give me ideas and suggestions on food I should look for and buy since I always loved what she cooked when we camped together. It smelled great, was full of veggies and tasted amazing. She was happy to tell me not only food to buy, but simple recipes and stores to check out.

I meet the nicest people sometimes. :)

So over all my goals right now are to simply pay more attention and learn to cook more vegetable dishes. I'm also re-starting my "no juice" regimen and will try to incorporate things like Crystal light and fruity tea bags to cold water if I go nuts again and crave taste. LOL

Wish me luck and I will do this!

love
-w0rld