Calorie Count Streak Day 1-- Cauliflower Pizza!

I decided I'm going to count calories again. In order to keep myself accountable I am going to log my calories at the end of the day.

I was hoping to stay under 1500 calories but day 1 is always a bit tricky.

Calories consumed:

Breakfast: 424 calories

Lunch: 330 calories

Dinner: 839 calories

Snacks: 215 calories

TOTAL: 1808 calories

Dinner is what really did it. (Although eating dark chocolate in the  middle of the day probably didn't help either)

I was looking up healthy recipes all morning and I found this amazing looking recipe for a cauliflower pizza crust!

I had to make it.

It actually took me two hours to make the whole pizza. It would have taken me sooner if I had a Cuisinart. I had to use my blender and shred the cauliflower in small batches to make it small enough.I also missed a step and ended up wasting time trying to ring out the cauliflower before the initial bake. Anyway,  because of these little things I ended up snacking on carrots and hummus and a little on the chicken I planned on adding to the pizza.

The cauliflower crust pre-baked

I think in the end I used too much cheese in the pizza.

The topping ingredients: sun dried tomatoes, sauteed chicken, bbq sauce, cheese, tomato and onion

I also ended up eating too much of it in one go. I ate 3/4 of the whole pizza. It was 6 inches long not too big but I could have stopped earlier. I didn't even take an after picture after I cooked it. I was so hungry I just dove in.

Toppings on and ready to bake.  

So in the end I got too excited about the prospect of having pizza again without having to eat bread. It was good but maybe next time, less cheese and use tomato sauce instead of bbq sauce to make it less sweet. 

I also spent an hour in the gym working my legs. I haven't done that many squats in months. I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Til then,

-w0rld

My Goal Collage!!

Ok, post-pity party from my last post, I got a chance to talk to my beloved and really communicate and  contemplate what the problem was and why I was feeling so depressed. I'm not 100% better but my mind is much clearer and my road is easy to see. Who said it was going to be easy to walk though? But do not worry I've FINALLY created a map!

I've always wanted to create a 'vision map' or goal collage. I've made collages before of my dreams and wishes; things I wish I could be or do. This time though I created my goal map/collage and I have to say I'm VERY proud of it. It's a  "Look what I did ma!" sort of feeling. LOL

It actually didn't take me that long to do. I have been cutting out and collecting pictures, words and phrases from magazines for a while now. Now that I knew what I wanted to put in the collage I was able to find the perfect words and images I wanted to add to it. I guess I've always known what I wanted it so say and show. I just finally had the drive to do it. 

The rough draft once I decided on the layout.

Once I figured out the right words I actually went online to find the right colors to make the background. I literally googled "color of confidence" and found some interesting articles. I chose one I agreed with and used it as a rough guide to the different colors to add: 

Dark blue for POWER.

Light blue for FREEDOM.

Orange for PURPOSE.

Green for COMMUNICATION.

Red for HEART/EMOTIONS.

Yellow/Gold for VALUE.

You can decide what these color meanings mean to you. They were the perfect mix for me and I actually took my time deciding where in the collage I would paint each color. Once I did I finished the collage and immediately figured out how to rig it up to post on my fridge.. just like a little kid showing off their art project. LOL. More importantly it's in the perfect place to remind me of my weight loss and life goals. 

Immediately went on the fridge. LOL

I'll eventually laminate it. But I really am so elated that I FINALLY created this collage. It will be a constant reminder and it's great that I have it now as an empowering tool to keep me going when this journey gets tough, like right now.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me keep going. I will make it!

-Elina

Have you ever cried while doing crunches?

Last night was one of the roughest nights I'd had in over a year. When depression hits it hits hard. Have you ever had one of those moments when you feel absolutely hopeless in your weight loss efforts?

 After years of yo-yoing and being stuck in the same weight it's bound to get to you. Last night it got to me. It's the same struggle I've had before about trying to love my body while trying to change it and look 'better'.

I've also noticed that the very little amount of self esteem I've gained started to dwindle after finding out that the person I love does not love my body. Knowing that he doesn't find me as attractive as thinner women really hurts. I understand it. Of course I do. Fit women are beautiful and ooze confidence. I can understand that he is naturally attracted to them. But can you understand that although he tries to reassure me that he loves me while asking me to lose weight, I can't help but feel self conscious and ashamed of my body?

I want to lose weight for myself and feel good about my body. I want to feel attractive and stop feeling ashamed of my body. Feeling horrible and ashamed has never helped me lose weight. It's this feeling that made me gain weight in the first place.

It's a mess and I'm sad. However last night, although I felt horrible, I showered, fixed my nails and worked out before going to bed. I figured that if I at least took care of my body, even though it was already 10pm, I would at least sleep better knowing I did something about my situation. Have you ever cried while doing crunches and giving yourself a pedicure?

Today I decided that I needed to 'fake it til I make it' and told myself that being sad and acting pathetic wasn't going to help. I acted amiable during my job. I ate semi-well and worked out. I now feel a bit better, a bit calmer, and have a little bit of hope restored. I hope I can get over my self consciousness and regain some self esteem while I continue my weight loss struggle.

I hope your weekend is happy and confident.

-w0rld

Realizing the (horrible) power of starches

Work and birthday weekend took up literally all of my time last week. Part of being in charge of an outdoor ed. group is being there 24/7 literally. Definitely NOT one of my favorite parts of my job.

The good thing I did last week was that I pre-prepared my food so that I can take part in a 4 day cleanse. It worked great and I lost 4 lbs in those four days.

The bad thing is that on the fifth day I went home to my family to celebrate my and my grandmothers birthday. I ate starches and sugar galore! When I weighed myself on the 8th day not only had I regained the 4 lbs from earlier that week I also gained 3 more!!

My poor body yo-yoed so much in one week it was no wonder I felt horrible all yesterday and spent most of my day huddled in a corner (after work of course).

Here's what I noticed though:

1. After I ate all that bread: pizza, brownies, hot dogs, and potatoes too, I saw that my energy was really low

2. My infections immediately came back.

3. My skin started getting a rash.

4. My hands and feet were slightly swollen.

5. I kept forgetting things. I couldn't find something for two days and it was staring me in the face the whole time.

6. Scariest of all: My libido is so low I feel like a forgotten refrigerator.

The thought of how just three days of bad eating habits affected me really scared me. I have never noticed so much go wrong so quickly. I'm sure there might be other factors (not exercising well during those binge days didn't help either and budget is tight so stress levels are up) but the fact of the matter is that eating starches really affects me in the worst of ways.

I'm back at work now and I'm going to loosely follow another cleanse. From there I think I'm going to move to a very strict eating menu for 30 days.

I also bought Joe Cross's book The Reboot with Joe Juice Diet

I really get inspired by his documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and I tried juicing before but didn't make it.

One of the problems I had was that I didn't know what to juice. I also tried to do it while I had my community house glaring at me disapprovingly. Finally I just missed eating so much I couldn't stand it.

When I saw his book I was thrilled to see recipes for juicing but also a selection of different meal plans for different interests. There are 3 day cleanses, 10, 15, 30 day cleanses. But there are also meal plans mixed in with juicing so you don't have to go juicing cold turkey! I was thrilled. I bought the book.

I'm going to have to invest in a new juicer but I definitely want to make it a part of my life. Not just juice 100% of the time but add it to a healthy life style and healthy meals.

I'm excited to do it but before I do I'll do a different cleanse first and then a 30 day challenge.

Why am I doing so much one right after the other? Because I'm trying to form healthy habits and I need to start getting results. I realized that the second I plateaued I gave up. No results means it's not worth it to continue. It's a bad mentality but I admit I do it and I want to get results again. I want to form good habits and hopefully start working toward a better, healthier life style.

Thanks everyone for reading. I promise I'll update more often.

love
-w0rld

The secret to weightloss

I got a cold on Monday. I haven't gotten a cold this badly in a while. My appetite has suppressed and my water intake has tripled. The secret to weight loss everyone. Get sick! LOL

But in reality despite this cold I have been counting calories again and going on short bike rides (before I realize I should be resting in bed).

I expect if I keep going like this I might actually see a change in the scale and the tape measure.

Sick and losing weight(?)

Hopefully when this cold goes away I'll still be able to suppress my cravings. This week I was able to stay away from chocolate, pancakes, eggs benedict and ice cream. It was easy. I hope it continues.

-w0rld

I've been in a fog for 5 months

It's been almost five months since I last posted. I can't really believe it myself. The reason I've been gone so long is because I had given up.. I think. I hate, hate to admit that I gave up but I have no other excuse. I think that the news I got from the nutritionist back in February started a chain reaction of depression.

The idea that despite all my blood test results coming back fine and great didn't matter because  I was still unhealthy and still incredibly obese really got to me. The realization that almost everything I ate turned in to sugar which then turned in to fat that I was storing frustrated me. The fact that I wasn't losing weight even though I was going to the gym almost everyday really depressed me. Even though I had gotten stronger I wasn't seeing the results and although it shouldn't have gotten to me it really did.

I haven't lost any weight since I last posted. I'm still at 210-ish pounds and have yo-yoed up to 213 lbs and back to 210 lbs.

I spent way too much time pretending to change my diet but would cheat. I also later realized that I hadn't been eating well at all. I stopped eating most bread, rice and potatoes. It wasn't that hard. Every once in a while I would have  slice of bread and I would eat rice a little more often. However sugar was a huge problem.

Ice cream, peanut butter, chocolate, ripe fruit, bbq sauce; I would eat these things constantly. It was no wonder that I wasn't losing any weight.

In April I was asked to move out of the apartment I was staying at and move back with my parents. Soon afterwards I got a mild case of shingles. I completely stopped working out and felt horrible. By the time I moved back to the Eastern Sierra a month later I was completely out of shape and felt heavy every morning.

I was so lucky to have the love of my life move in with me this summer. I had a lot of fun thinking of different things to cook that I indulged too much with butter and etc. Eating out was also a problem. We did too much of it and I was always the one to suggest eating out. The only thing he ever asks me to do is to get healthy and lose weight. It's the only thing that I haven't been able to do and instead of motivate me to get back in shape it depresses me. The only thing I could do was force myself not to gain anymore weight. It's probably the only reason why I didn't gain more.

Now the love of my life has moved away. He started a new job and I feel a little lost and even more sad. However I have always worked better at losing weight by myself. He's helped give me tools to work out again and I've been re-watching inspirational health videos to try and get myself in the right mind set.

I watched one video today that had a lot of information on the addictive qualities of sugar and how vegetables can help detox your body and help you lose weight. This wasn't news to me but there was one quote that really hit me. To paraphrase:

"Many times when you start changing your food habits you think 'I really want this but I CAN'T' and that CAN'T is the problem that prevents people from succeeding. You have to change your mindset and say "I can eat this but I don't want to.'"

That's exactly what the problem has been for me. I felt so deprived in not being able to eat what I wanted that I cheated all the time. I need to get in the right mind set and remind myself all the time WHY I'm doing this.

To get healthy and lose weight.

One good thing out off all this depressing mood is that my skin infections have subsided quite a bit. It's not completely gone but I have noticed that eating less bread/sugar has prevented it from getting worse.

I'm going to start again. I'm going to start a streak. I won't announce it right now. I hate when I announce something and then give up. I want to see if I can do it for 3 days straight before I announce it. Hopefully that'll give me a boost.

I think it's time to let this fog I've been in subside and let some sunshine back in to my life. I don't want to feel this low for my birthday and it's coming up really soon.


New beginning measurements:

Current Weight: 210 lbs
Hips: 48 inches
Waist: 44 inches
higher waist: 39 inches



-w0rld

Today was a hard day

I have been trying to avoid the truth; I have been gaining weight. Despite all the doctor visits, all the personal trainer sessions and the food-diet change I have been gaining weight.

It says so on the scale, by measuring tape and the way I feel in the mornings. I had to own up and admit that I've been over eating and spending most of my time sitting down all day staring at a computer screen. A recipe for disaster.

I told myself that it's time to stop these shenanigans and get back on the wagon for good. Today I wrote down my weight loss goals for the next 6 weeks and decided to seriously start tracking my food. I decided to focus on calories but also the amount of carbs and sugar I eat since that was what I was supposed to look after this whole time anyway.

I did some easy balance/ strength training exercises early in the morning and went for a 2.3 mile walk this afternoon.

The goal was to keep my calories at or under 1500 and I was close. I ended up consuming 1610. The food consumption was the absolute hardest part. I had cravings almost every hour on the hour. I knew half the time I wasn't really hungry but I had become so used to constantly eating that it was soooo hard not to walk to the fridge and find the nearest thing to munch on.

I did eat chocolate. I did manage to go over on my carbs and sugar but slightly (I went over 12 grams on sugar and 45 grams on carbs). It's not bad considering it's my first day really tracking. But boy was it hard not to get a second helping of this or that. Or to mindlessly eat some chips or other random thing. After dinner my body was screaming for more. But I knew I didn't need any more food. I was just craving random things.

Today was day 1... again. Better to start now than never. I'm going to bed slightly hungry, and that's ok.

Until tomorrow,
-w0rld