w0rld's FAT blog: I *want* to work out

Hey Everyone,

I've been AWOL again for a little while. Been camping out in the desert for work again, before that I went to Vegas (that's another story for another blog maybe) and I came home last Friday.

Although I have a few stories to tell this one is about working out.

Ever since I got home I've had this ever growing urge to *want* to work out. This isn't the same as before where I would feel guilty because I missed the gym that day, or we didn't walk enough miles during work and I felt I had to compensate.

This is about me wanting to feel stronger. I actually want to push myself and I want to sweat. It's crazy.

I knew the second I got home I would start reverting back to my old habits. I'm bored inside my house and I automatically move toward the kitchen to see what I could eat.

This time I HAVE been noticing my binging habits but at the same time I've been restless. I want to put on my tennis shoes, grab my mp3 player and go out walking. I want to take the dogs out, I want to go swimming... etc etc..

And I've been making excuses to not go out though.. some of them legitimate and some of them not so much. It's noon and I'm in the middle of suburbia. It's over 80 something degrees out and it's all pavement... I'm going to overheat. I can't walk the dogs because of the heat, but also because one of them doesn't have a collar (she broke it off) and the other one doesn't have a leash (he chew it down). Hell.

Every time I want to go swimming I'm in the middle of moving furniture outside, washing lawn chairs, or painting a fence in my house (we're intensive cleaning my backyard to get ready for my brothers wedding.. we're pack rats and everything is full of spiderwebs and dirt so this isn't an easy job.. or a one-day project either.. so yeah) and by the time I'm done I feel lazy and don't want to leave.

I've been to the gym once this weekend and I think I did pretty good. I did a combination of elliptical machine and the treadmill then upper body weights and crunches (I always do 100 crunches every time I go to the gym.. they're getting easier to do so I have to step it up..). Together I ended up doing about 4 miles, over 600 calories and a new mile record (14:27 min/mile and 30 min for 2 miles). It felt great.

I'm getting mad at myself for staying home when I could be going to the gym or walking around the neighborhood.. and it's so easy to just sit around and do nothing. It kind of pissed me off yesterday when I realized it was 9pm and I hadn't left the house at all.

Anyway the feeling of wanting to work out seems new. My current weight loss is starting to be noticeable and more and more people are noticing it.

The thing that hit me was that my older brother came over on Saturday (let's just say that me and older bro don't really get a long so now we just treat each other like semi-acquaintances) and even he commented on it: I walked in to the room and he just looks at me and says, "It's weird. You look weird now all skinny." I haven't been "skinny" since I was 5.

I kind of just peeled my eyes for a second. My mom laughs and my grandmother goes on about all the walking I do in the desert. I just shrug and say it's true, I walk a lot and show off my wrist watch tan line. My brother and I both nod. End of moment.

But that was a shocker. If even my brother mentions it than it must be obvious. In a way that's flattering. In another it's pressure. I have to keep it up and try my hardest not only to maintain the weight loss but keep losing.

You have to keep going. You can't give up. You must work harder.

That's my new motto "You must work harder." I repeat it every time someone mentions something. Every time I notice I walked up hill without my breath getting heavy. Every time I put on clothes I haven't worn for a while and notice the slight looseness. Every time I weight myself or turn up the speed in the treadmill. Every time I look at myself in the mirror and my slightly less round face.

You must work harder. You must work faster. You must work better. You must be stronger.

I laughed at myself once after I realized I sound like that Daft Punk song

LOL.. maybe that's where I got it unconsciously. LOL

The point of all this is that at this point in time I want to be stronger. I want to feel less winded. I want to be able to climb hills and carry heavy things without worrying.

I danced with my mom last night to help her with her new choreography number. When we finally added all the steps together and did the whole song I also noticed not only that I felt fine but I also noticed that at the same time my mom was perspiring, and breathing harder. I used to be that person.

All these things are reasons that drive me to want to work out. I'm noticing the results, the effects, the benefits of working out.

I like it.

Will it become an obsession??

I sure hope so.

I leave you with 2 songs I put on repeat when I'm running on a treadmill and slowly working up to 5mph:
The first one is the warm up sort of: