Late Weigh In: How Badly Do I Want It?

Happy Tuesday,

Although I didn't update yesterday I did weigh and measure myself.

Current Weight: 202.2 lbs

Another gain. I'm upset not because I gained another two pounds but because I promised myself that I wouldn't get higher than 201 lbs (my 50 lbs loss mark). I have been flirting with binges and maintaining but now I've gone too far. To confirm my gain I recorded a gain in my legs and thighs. Fractions of inches really make a difference don't they?

Despite that set back I'm actually feeling pretty good compared to previous weeks. My stress has calmed down, I feel like I'm slowly gaining control of my eating and I started calorie counting again yesterday.

Achievements:
 Last week I drove 350 miles (700 miles total) to see one of the most important people in my life. I knew that seeing him would help me tremendously. And it did. Driving that distance was worth it. He helped me calm down, self reflect and remember one of the reasons WHY I want to lose weight and gain health. I guess really having that support group is crucial to any weight loss journey and mine has been lacking or losing it's effect. I guess I wish I had people to do this with me... near me so I don't lose track of my goals. It sometimes really sucks living in the middle of nowhere.

But I did do a couple of hikes last week. It had snowed the week before so the area looked gorgeous and white.

Saddlebag Lake: just outside the eastern entrance of Yosemite National Park

 I definitely had a huge reminder of the beautiful place I live in when later that same day this amazing view met me.

Sunset in the Mono Basin. 

A part from pretty pictures, I've been paying attention to what my body is telling me. For a while now I've been dealing with indigestion, bloating, cramps, gas... you name it. I didn't know what exactly was causing it so I focused on relieving my symptoms. More fiber, teas, etc.. But I think I finally found out what the (at least one) reason for all the discomfort. I think I'm becoming lactose intolerant.

I'm not 100% sure of this but I went off dairy for a couple of days and felt fine. Then I tried something with cheese in it, or yogurt and started feeling gassy again. Oh man. This is going to be difficult. But maybe I'll finally get a chance to step away from my obsession with cheese.

As I was reading different blogs I saw a picture of a sign that said "How Bad Do You Want It?" The sign was for Bitch Cakes's marathon in NY but the second I saw it I burst in to tears.

I WANT it. I really do. I want to look in the mirror and see a body I'm proud of. I want to feel great and get results from a physical that says "You're in perfect health... No, you're better than perfect health!" I want to look at my reflection and look at a person that has worked hard to get to where she is but has made it.

I burst in to tears because I'm realizing that I've lost focus on what I want and what I've been striving for. It's time to get back on track

Goals: 
I want to focus on how my body feels. I want to listen to my body more. I was amazed to realize that once I sat down and noticed what my body was telling me I was able to understand what was wrong with my digestion. I also remember how light and great I felt when I did my 4 day cleanse earlier. Eating all those veggies and complex carbs made me feel amazing.

I want to pay attention to aches and pains and address them instead of simply trying to mask them with pills or ignoring them.

I want to focus on food. I want to try to cook and eat foods that can help me feel better, not worse in the long run. Instead of simple sugars that taste good when I eat them but make me feel horrible afterwards.

I want to pay attention to my body and what it craves in forms of exercise. Do I want to go for a hike? Do I want to stay inside? Do I just want to dance around in my room? What is it body? I want to make sure I vary my exercises and get the most from my exercises but still.

How do you pay attention to your body? How do you address it?

Have a great week and happy November!

-w0rld