On a Journey to Wellness

Come with me on my journey to losing weight, getting healthy and going out to meet the world head-on!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

(Attempting to) Getting Back on Track/Weigh In


So I think the last time I left off with a major confession of my "falling off the wagon" and my multiple promises to get "back on the horse" and "back in the game." (Yes.. those are a lot of little metaphors aren't they? But hey who doesn't love a little visualization right? Right!)

So let's start with my current Weigh In:

Current Weight: 225 lbs (Yes it looks like I'm still stuck in the 220's but due to my horrid eating habits in the last few weeks I think that's ok)

Work Out Achievement(s): Last week my crew and I had a lot of fun (NOT!) in the summer sun hiking from plot to plot and in the weekend we moved to a whole new campsite and area where we have to hike for a little less than an hour to get to our work site.

The view is unbelievable:

and the hike is definitely going to help. I'm sure of it!

Other than that, today I decided to stay in civilization to get some needed internet time in but to also get some gym tme in:

I went to the gym and worked out like mad at cardio. So much so that 10 minutes in I was already not only covered in sweat but dripping in it too. I think that's a good sign.

To treat myself at a job well done I decided to dress up today too. :)

I am currently wearing a "little black dress" with my cool "bling" summer sandals with my hair down in perfect riglets. hehehe.. It might not be a completely new look.. but my white legs are getting some time out of my heavy pants, my hair is getting some bouncy sun time and I don't know.. I'm feeling "pretty". LOL LOL LOL Which is something I think I need since most of the time I look like this:

yeah.. I know.. bleh
All in all I know I have to work harder in to getting out of this weight slump (and probably plateau) but I don't think I have to guilt trip myself and make myself miserable to get back in to it. I can struggle to get back "in the game" with a smile on my face thank you very much.

I decided I need more specific goals than "work out more" and "stop eating so much junk". So I decided to restart my "no juices" streak. I broke it a few weeks ago and have been drinking Lipton green tea bottles (you know the sweet ones from the 7-11.. yeah those ones)
And also I think I have to start working on working out for 15 minutes minimum inside my tent (the tent I use for work is f-ing huge! I could pretty much stand in it and slightly bend my head.. not to mention I can lay flat in any angle possible and still not hit the other side of the tent.. sweet right? I thought so) to make up for whatever I'm not doing when I'm in the field.

The Spark has great and simple 10 minute combination work outs I could try out. The best part about that is that they're user friendly and most of the workouts don't require any extra equipment besides your body. LOL

So those are my goals for the week(s). Wish me luck everyone. And I hope everyone is having a nice and cool summer!~


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Why haven't I posted anything lately?

Does the phrase "falling off the wagon" mean anything to you?

Well yes I admit right now that the last... month or so.. I've been binging, vegging, and lying to myself about how I've been treating myself. (yes, yes there were two "myself"s in the same sentence. So sue me grammar police~)

It's been starting to show. And it's been worrying me (ok.. I'm getting freaked out). Health issues that I had ignored in my new found euphoria over my weight loss success, and the energy and etc that came with it, have come back and with it came decreased momentum, increased physical pain, and fear. Yes I said fear.

Let me Explain:

Every time I've come back from work and camping I kept telling myself that I should treat myself. Except instead of having a candy bar one day, or even an In N Out burger I started binging on fast food daily. I was eating cake, ice cream, and juices.

It got worse as time went by and the last week I was at work I had taken some of that stuff to work with me. Which means I was eating junk at work. Sigh*

Breads and cheeses are my nemesis..

That's ALl breads and cheese combinations (think about it, there are TONS of combinations!!)
And these last few weeks I've been starting my old bad habits and relationships with those combinations again.

I knew what I was doing and I kept doing it... *shakes head* and the worse part about all this is that I think I know WHY I did it:

I had read a ton of other peoples blogs and talked to people who had gone through weight loss journeys and I kept hearing about how "hard" it was to lose the weight. How "challenging" it was to keep it up and how "long" it took them to do it.

The thing was that so far the weight loss I've experienced hasn't felt hard at all. Challenging yes, but it was mental not really physical... I kept doing the math about how much weight I thought I should be losing vs. the rate of weight I had been losing.. and I was 'ahead of schedule' I guess you could say..

This should have made me ecstatic right? Wrong. I felt cheated. I felt like I was doing it wrong. Why was I losing so much weight so quickly? Was it unhealthy? Why did it feel so easy?

I know. I know. This is ridiculous.

But subconsciously (or unconsciously... can someone tell me the difference?) I guess I started sabotaging myself. Eating things I shouldn't. Eating too much. Breaking my rules and breaking my "streaks".

I didn't really think it was going to affect me too much besides maybe regaining a few pounds..

.. but then my skin condition started acting up again. Think of a feeling of continuous pain in different parts of your body. Infections, allergic reactions, low circulation causing discomfort, etc etc... These things that have haunted me for years due to my weight (which had become dormant in the last few months due to my weight loss and increased activity) sprang up again.
It was horrible. Horrible!

It scared me. Made me realize what I have been doing to myself.

I realized I hadn't gone to the gym (and actually worked out) since early June. I realized that making excuses for not working out while working in NV because "I'm too tired" was making me lazy. I realized I was fucking up. Period.

I hadn't been able to log on to Sparkpeople and keep track of my food and so I have no idea what my calorie intake has been in the last month. And I still haven't figured out how much I should be eating now that I'm at a new weight.

I was slipping and falling off the wagon.

I need to dust myself off and get back on.

I will be going back to work tomorrow morning. Which means no internet access for atleast 8 days.

I will try my hardest to use those days to get back on track. I brought my copy of The Spark with me this time.

It helped me get pumped and motivated before. Maybe it will help me again.

Wish me luck good people.

I'm definitely going to need it. *bites nails*


Saturday, July 3, 2010

The amazingness of clothes shopping.

I hate shopping. Period.

Nothing ever fits. Everything that does looks like shit or like an old lady went on a rampage.

If it does fit and looks good it costs an arm and a leg.

It's horrible.

And yet recently I find myself slightly less loathsome towards the experience.

I'm curious.

"Hmmm.. my pants are super loose. I wonder *hesitates* I wonder if this size will fit me.. and if it doesn't how tight is it? Can I fit in to this later if I lose enough by December, by Fall, by next month"

And then I find myself inside a Target fitting room, barefoot and trying to ignore the slight stuffy smell, trying out this size in shirt, pant, and/or dress, that I wouldn't even think about before.

This morning was one of those days.

I got a size 18 pants. (I've been a size 20-22 for 5 years btw) I try them on. They fit.

I look at the price tag. I look at my image. I think of the pants I'm wearing that day, currently laying on a chair, super wrinkly. They don't fit anymore, and if it wasn't for my super awesome belt they would fall on the floor as I walked.

So long story short I buy the pants.

This has happened to me three times in the last two months.

It's nice for the ego boost. It's bad for the wallet. It's a good thing I'm super picky about clothes or else my car would be full of random clothes I'll never use.(Remember I'm living out of my car right now.. yeah.. also not a good idea)

I don't know what I should do, but I don't regret my purchases so far. I need those pants for work and I'll be completely pleased when I don't have to worry about uncomforatable fitting pants when I'm trying to climb over a fallen tree or something.

Rock on.

I wish you all a well fitted, wallet filling, super fantastic 4th of July!


Thursday, July 1, 2010

It's July!

It's July and I managed to weigh myself this morning (I had already weighed myself for this week but since it's the beginning of a new month I weighed myself again).

Interestingly enough the scale read:

223 lbs

That's a nice number I think. lol.

So I will start this new month at 223 lbs and I will Not get distracted as I work for my short term goal of:

"Be 215 lbs by my birthday!!"

(My b-day is in the middle of August so I have a month and a half to lose 8-10 lbs. That sounds a little reasonable to me, doesn't it?)

I can do this! We can do this!