On a Journey to Wellness

Come with me on my journey to losing weight, getting healthy and going out to meet the world head-on!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Calorie Count Steak Day 7!!

Sadly this will be a quick post. Work went all the way to 11:15 pm and I wasn't able to post until just now.

But I'm so happy to say I made it to day 7 of calorie counting!

Breakfast: 618 calories

Lunch: 450 calories

Dinner: 289 calories

Snacks: 188 calories

TOTAL: 1545 calories

I tried to do my best to stay under 1500 calories. I ate a bunch today during my hike with the students so that by the time I started eating randomly and realized I needed to check in to see how many calories I had left.

Thankfully I was able to stop eating and stayed pretty satisfied the rest of the day. My stomach didn't rumble until 10 pm tonight. Not bad!

I'll continue this streak for week 2. I'm so glad I made it this far!


Saturday, August 30, 2014

Calorie Count Streak Day 6: Bananas and ice cream

I'm back for Saturday's calorie count.

I have to say that I thought it would be easier to stay within 1500 calories but looking at my trends I can do 1700-1800 calories pretty well. Today was one example.

Breakfast: 482 caloies

Afternoon snack: 275 calories

Lunch: 594 calories

Evening snack: 100 calories

Dinner: 285 calories (dinner was ice cream btw)

TOTAL: 1737 calories

First of all having ice cream for 'dinner' was a last minute decision. I had been somewhat craving ice cream after lunch. It started off as a half-joke  (Elina loooves ice cream ha ha) but then this evening I got off work with enough time to catch the local town concert with a "sundae social after" . I had just finished eating a 100 calorie pack of nuts and figured that would be it by the end of the night. But suddenly being presented with what I was craving the most I decided to get a small amount, really enjoy it, and move on with my life. I admit it didn't drive me to a sugar binge like it has before. I had a small bowl with some fun toppings. Talked a bit with some of the women there and had no appetite for more. It was such a nice feeling.

The rest of the day was just badly planned. I ate two bananas early in the morning and left to have a talk with my director. He wasn't there and so I got caught up with emails and etc. I found myself at 10:30 am starving. I ate a proper breakfast and went to the gym.

Cleaned out ice cream bowl.
By 2pm I was starving again. But lunch wasn't ready so I ate another banana and some yogurt. It didn't fill me up much because when lunch was ready I went a little crazy with two burger patties (no buns of course) and hummus. If you haven't tried a burger with hummus please do. It tastes super yummy!

Of course by the time dinner rolled around I wasn't too hungry. I ate nuts and decided to go to the community church to listen to the beautiful sounds of piano with cello. The ice cream was a plus.

I felt a bit guilty of course so once I walked home from the concert I decided to go for a good power walk to try and use up some of those calories right away and hopefully convince my body it should burn that sugar rather than add it to the spare tire I've been carrying. I walked 1.3 miles and came home.

Tomorrow is the last day of my calorie counting week challenge! I'm sure I'll make it. I'll do my best to stay under 1500 calories and on Monday it's time to weigh in again. Eeeek! I hope I can get some motivating news!

Good luck everyone.


Calorie Count Day 5: Late post but still here!

I didn't get a chance to log in yesterday. Work didn't end until 11:30 pm and by then I didn't have the energy to walk out to the middle of a random field to try and get enough data on my phone to post an entry.

I DID count calories though!

I also need to make a correction on Day 4's post. I ended up eating more after all. I ate soy sausage and salad with marinara sauce. That brought my Day 4's calories to 1301. I only ate because I felt I should. I felt really heavy afterwards.

Yesterday I had a weird vibe. I wasn't hungry but out of nowhere I'd suddenly get a craving for food. I would eat a little and soon become completely full so I would stop. Once I counted up all those random grazings I was surprised at how much I ate.

Breakfast : 220 calories

Afternoon snack: 340 calories (granola bars are calorie pricey!)

Lunch: 286 calories

Evening snack: 200 calories

Dinner: 675 calories (I guess I got my appetite back)

After dinner snack: 41 calories

TOTAL: 1762 calories

It's really interesting how you think you're not eating very much at all but WHAT you munch on makes a difference. Granola bars, bananas and peanut butter are high calorie foods.

My stomach's been rumbling a little lately. I don't need to go to the bathroom more often than usual but when I do I feel like my body is getting rid of everything and the kitchen sink. Is this my body cleansing itself? I sure hope so.

I'll log in tonight to show the results of tonights calorie count. I'm so happy I'm almost done with my own Week Calorie Counting Challenge. I don't think I'm going to stop there. I think I'll make it a month. We'll see.

Ta ta for now.


Thursday, August 28, 2014

Calorie Count Streak Day 4: Quick post

Really quick update.
Back at work and  there is little wi fi.

I actually had a big breakfast do two eggs and avocado. Lunch was chili. And tonight is the last of the veggie soup.  So not hungry.

TOTAL calories: 894 calories.

I know that's not enough calories so I might eat something later but I have no appetite.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Calorie Count Streak Day 3: So Close but No Cigar

It's day 3 of the calorie counting streak. I was doing sooo well in keeping my calories under 1500, but then I messed up by having a mixed drink at a goodbye get together for one of my co-workers. Why, oh why does alcohol have to be so calorie costly!!

Here goes:

Breakfast: 585 calories

Lunch: 529 calories

Dinner: 355 calories

Snacks: 350 calories

TOTAL: 1819 calories!

Grrr! I was doing so well by the end of the day. I was under my calorie goal and I even didn't touch the mountain of pastries that were in the goodbye get together. But then there were drinks. I figured one drink with rum and juice wouldn't hurt. Omg it wasn't even the rum it was the juice! 240 calories for a glass of pineapple juice. So not worth it!

But I admit my meals were delicious.

I had the left over almond flour pancakes for breakfast. This picture shows you a lot better what they look like.

I also woke up early to try my crockpot for the first time! I was so excited to finally try it. I loosely remembered a recipe for slow cooked beef shank I found on a paleo website. Instead of cabbage I had collared greens so I put in the greens with baby carrots and onion. I then lightly salted the beef and added a little rosemary and turned the cooker on low before going to the morning work meeting.

I'm so thankful work is just a five minute walk from my house because 4 hours in I realized I missed major ingredients. I quickly added garlic and broth to the recipe. I then added some sun dried tomatoes just for kicks. A few hours later it was done. The meat easily came off the bone and it smelled so good in my place. When I tasted it, it needed salt so I added a bit more and some pepper and that made the dish!

So good for my first slow cooker recipe. Next time go heavy on the salt!

I was done with my meals and I went to the gym. Burned a few calories and came back. That's when I immediately met with pastries. First fresh baked cookies and then amazing looking pastries from a local bakery. I easily resisted the bread. (I will reveal what has been working to keep me away from most breads later). However the thought of having one drink seemed like an ok idea. I knew I shouldn't have but didn't realize how much over I would go. I regret it but it's too late now.

I still managed to stay under 2000 calories and that is ok.

Yay for resisting baked goods!

Hope all is well with you.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Calorie Count Streak Day 2: Almond flour pancakes and giant zucchini

Day 2 of calorie counting. Again the goal was 1500 calories and I think I did it this time!

Breakfast: 581 calories

Lunch: 403 calories

Dinner: 279 calories

Snacks: 190 calories

TOTAL: 1453 calories

Burned calories: 761 calories from hiking and elliptical machine.

A messy but delicious breakfast.
It started pretty heavy. I got excited to try a new recipe again. I tried almond flour pancakes. I had tried a different recipe with many more ingredients. This one was much easier to do but was a little bland and needed a topping. I had left over pumpkin puree and most of an apple. I baked them together with brown sugar. It was delicious.

I ate too much sugar. Honey for the pancake recipe and brown sugar for the topping, so I took advantage of my day off and went for a hike.

I decided to finally go to my favorite lake. I hadn't been there all year. It was a great work out and it was a great meditation.

Beautiful right?
I was out of shape but it still felt great.

Lunch was the leftover cauliflower pizza and homemade vegetable soup. It wasn't enough food though and I was starving two hours later. I ate a few nuts, craisins, and carrots and hummus. I needed enough food because I still planned to go to the gym. 

Still sore from my hike I grudgingly went to the gym.

Dinner was amazing. I managed to get a hold of the biggest zucchini I'd ever seen in my life from the local community garden. I cut up half of it and grilled it with spices and balsamic vinegar.
Biggest zucchini EVER. My comp has a 17" screen fyi.
Chopped and ready to grill. 

 I only went through 1/3 of the zucchini I cooked though. I was so full after I ate zucchini and fish. I had cottage cheese and cinnamon for dessert to make sure I had enough protein. I hate getting hungry soon after dinner. 
I'm incredibly full right now and hope I can continue this streak for the rest of the week! 

Good luck everyone!


Monday, August 25, 2014

Calorie Count Streak Day 1-- Cauliflower Pizza!

I decided I'm going to count calories again. In order to keep myself accountable I am going to log my calories at the end of the day.

I was hoping to stay under 1500 calories but day 1 is always a bit tricky.

Calories consumed:

Breakfast: 424 calories

Lunch: 330 calories

Dinner: 839 calories

Snacks: 215 calories

TOTAL: 1808 calories

Dinner is what really did it. (Although eating dark chocolate in the  middle of the day probably didn't help either)

I was looking up healthy recipes all morning and I found this amazing looking recipe for a cauliflower pizza crust!

I had to make it.

It actually took me two hours to make the whole pizza. It would have taken me sooner if I had a Cuisinart. I had to use my blender and shred the cauliflower in small batches to make it small enough.I also missed a step and ended up wasting time trying to ring out the cauliflower before the initial bake. Anyway,  because of these little things I ended up snacking on carrots and hummus and a little on the chicken I planned on adding to the pizza.
The cauliflower crust pre-baked

I think in the end I used too much cheese in the pizza.

The topping ingredients: sun dried tomatoes, sauteed chicken, bbq sauce, cheese, tomato and onion

I also ended up eating too much of it in one go. I ate 3/4 of the whole pizza. It was 6 inches long not too big but I could have stopped earlier. I didn't even take an after picture after I cooked it. I was so hungry I just dove in.
Toppings on and ready to bake.  

So in the end I got too excited about the prospect of having pizza again without having to eat bread. It was good but maybe next time, less cheese and use tomato sauce instead of bbq sauce to make it less sweet. 

I also spent an hour in the gym working my legs. I haven't done that many squats in months. I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Til then,


Sunday, August 24, 2014

My Goal Collage!!

Ok, post-pity party from my last post, I got a chance to talk to my beloved and really communicate and  contemplate what the problem was and why I was feeling so depressed. I'm not 100% better but my mind is much clearer and my road is easy to see. Who said it was going to be easy to walk though? But do not worry I've FINALLY created a map!

I've always wanted to create a 'vision map' or goal collage. I've made collages before of my dreams and wishes; things I wish I could be or do. This time though I created my goal map/collage and I have to say I'm VERY proud of it. It's a  "Look what I did ma!" sort of feeling. LOL

It actually didn't take me that long to do. I have been cutting out and collecting pictures, words and phrases from magazines for a while now. Now that I knew what I wanted to put in the collage I was able to find the perfect words and images I wanted to add to it. I guess I've always known what I wanted it so say and show. I just finally had the drive to do it. 

The rough draft once I decided on the layout.

Once I figured out the right words I actually went online to find the right colors to make the background. I literally googled "color of confidence" and found some interesting articles. I chose one I agreed with and used it as a rough guide to the different colors to add: 
Dark blue for POWER.
Light blue for FREEDOM.
Orange for PURPOSE.
Yellow/Gold for VALUE.

You can decide what these color meanings mean to you. They were the perfect mix for me and I actually took my time deciding where in the collage I would paint each color. Once I did I finished the collage and immediately figured out how to rig it up to post on my fridge.. just like a little kid showing off their art project. LOL. More importantly it's in the perfect place to remind me of my weight loss and life goals. 

Immediately went on the fridge. LOL

I'll eventually laminate it. But I really am so elated that I FINALLY created this collage. It will be a constant reminder and it's great that I have it now as an empowering tool to keep me going when this journey gets tough, like right now.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me keep going. I will make it!


Friday, August 22, 2014

Have you ever cried while doing crunches?

Last night was one of the roughest nights I'd had in over a year. When depression hits it hits hard. Have you ever had one of those moments when you feel absolutely hopeless in your weight loss efforts?

 After years of yo-yoing and being stuck in the same weight it's bound to get to you. Last night it got to me. It's the same struggle I've had before about trying to love my body while trying to change it and look 'better'.

I've also noticed that the very little amount of self esteem I've gained started to dwindle after finding out that the person I love does not love my body. Knowing that he doesn't find me as attractive as thinner women really hurts. I understand it. Of course I do. Fit women are beautiful and ooze confidence. I can understand that he is naturally attracted to them. But can you understand that although he tries to reassure me that he loves me while asking me to lose weight, I can't help but feel self conscious and ashamed of my body?

I want to lose weight for myself and feel good about my body. I want to feel attractive and stop feeling ashamed of my body. Feeling horrible and ashamed has never helped me lose weight. It's this feeling that made me gain weight in the first place.

It's a mess and I'm sad. However last night, although I felt horrible, I showered, fixed my nails and worked out before going to bed. I figured that if I at least took care of my body, even though it was already 10pm, I would at least sleep better knowing I did something about my situation. Have you ever cried while doing crunches and giving yourself a pedicure?

Today I decided that I needed to 'fake it til I make it' and told myself that being sad and acting pathetic wasn't going to help. I acted amiable during my job. I ate semi-well and worked out. I now feel a bit better, a bit calmer, and have a little bit of hope restored. I hope I can get over my self consciousness and regain some self esteem while I continue my weight loss struggle.

I hope your weekend is happy and confident.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Realizing the (horrible) power of starches

Work and birthday weekend took up literally all of my time last week. Part of being in charge of an outdoor ed. group is being there 24/7 literally. Definitely NOT one of my favorite parts of my job.

The good thing I did last week was that I pre-prepared my food so that I can take part in a 4 day cleanse. It worked great and I lost 4 lbs in those four days.

The bad thing is that on the fifth day I went home to my family to celebrate my and my grandmothers birthday. I ate starches and sugar galore! When I weighed myself on the 8th day not only had I regained the 4 lbs from earlier that week I also gained 3 more!!

My poor body yo-yoed so much in one week it was no wonder I felt horrible all yesterday and spent most of my day huddled in a corner (after work of course).

Here's what I noticed though:

1. After I ate all that bread: pizza, brownies, hot dogs, and potatoes too, I saw that my energy was really low

2. My infections immediately came back.

3. My skin started getting a rash.

4. My hands and feet were slightly swollen.

5. I kept forgetting things. I couldn't find something for two days and it was staring me in the face the whole time.

6. Scariest of all: My libido is so low I feel like a forgotten refrigerator.

The thought of how just three days of bad eating habits affected me really scared me. I have never noticed so much go wrong so quickly. I'm sure there might be other factors (not exercising well during those binge days didn't help either and budget is tight so stress levels are up) but the fact of the matter is that eating starches really affects me in the worst of ways.

I'm back at work now and I'm going to loosely follow another cleanse. From there I think I'm going to move to a very strict eating menu for 30 days.

I also bought Joe Cross's book The Reboot with Joe Juice Diet

I really get inspired by his documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and I tried juicing before but didn't make it.

One of the problems I had was that I didn't know what to juice. I also tried to do it while I had my community house glaring at me disapprovingly. Finally I just missed eating so much I couldn't stand it.

When I saw his book I was thrilled to see recipes for juicing but also a selection of different meal plans for different interests. There are 3 day cleanses, 10, 15, 30 day cleanses. But there are also meal plans mixed in with juicing so you don't have to go juicing cold turkey! I was thrilled. I bought the book.

I'm going to have to invest in a new juicer but I definitely want to make it a part of my life. Not just juice 100% of the time but add it to a healthy life style and healthy meals.

I'm excited to do it but before I do I'll do a different cleanse first and then a 30 day challenge.

Why am I doing so much one right after the other? Because I'm trying to form healthy habits and I need to start getting results. I realized that the second I plateaued I gave up. No results means it's not worth it to continue. It's a bad mentality but I admit I do it and I want to get results again. I want to form good habits and hopefully start working toward a better, healthier life style.

Thanks everyone for reading. I promise I'll update more often.


Thursday, August 7, 2014

The secret to weightloss

I got a cold on Monday. I haven't gotten a cold this badly in a while. My appetite has suppressed and my water intake has tripled. The secret to weight loss everyone. Get sick! LOL

But in reality despite this cold I have been counting calories again and going on short bike rides (before I realize I should be resting in bed).

I expect if I keep going like this I might actually see a change in the scale and the tape measure.
Sick and losing weight(?)

Hopefully when this cold goes away I'll still be able to suppress my cravings. This week I was able to stay away from chocolate, pancakes, eggs benedict and ice cream. It was easy. I hope it continues.


Monday, August 4, 2014

I've been in a fog for 5 months

It's been almost five months since I last posted. I can't really believe it myself. The reason I've been gone so long is because I had given up.. I think. I hate, hate to admit that I gave up but I have no other excuse. I think that the news I got from the nutritionist back in February started a chain reaction of depression.

The idea that despite all my blood test results coming back fine and great didn't matter because  I was still unhealthy and still incredibly obese really got to me. The realization that almost everything I ate turned in to sugar which then turned in to fat that I was storing frustrated me. The fact that I wasn't losing weight even though I was going to the gym almost everyday really depressed me. Even though I had gotten stronger I wasn't seeing the results and although it shouldn't have gotten to me it really did.

I haven't lost any weight since I last posted. I'm still at 210-ish pounds and have yo-yoed up to 213 lbs and back to 210 lbs.

I spent way too much time pretending to change my diet but would cheat. I also later realized that I hadn't been eating well at all. I stopped eating most bread, rice and potatoes. It wasn't that hard. Every once in a while I would have  slice of bread and I would eat rice a little more often. However sugar was a huge problem.

Ice cream, peanut butter, chocolate, ripe fruit, bbq sauce; I would eat these things constantly. It was no wonder that I wasn't losing any weight.

In April I was asked to move out of the apartment I was staying at and move back with my parents. Soon afterwards I got a mild case of shingles. I completely stopped working out and felt horrible. By the time I moved back to the Eastern Sierra a month later I was completely out of shape and felt heavy every morning.

I was so lucky to have the love of my life move in with me this summer. I had a lot of fun thinking of different things to cook that I indulged too much with butter and etc. Eating out was also a problem. We did too much of it and I was always the one to suggest eating out. The only thing he ever asks me to do is to get healthy and lose weight. It's the only thing that I haven't been able to do and instead of motivate me to get back in shape it depresses me. The only thing I could do was force myself not to gain anymore weight. It's probably the only reason why I didn't gain more.

Now the love of my life has moved away. He started a new job and I feel a little lost and even more sad. However I have always worked better at losing weight by myself. He's helped give me tools to work out again and I've been re-watching inspirational health videos to try and get myself in the right mind set.

I watched one video today that had a lot of information on the addictive qualities of sugar and how vegetables can help detox your body and help you lose weight. This wasn't news to me but there was one quote that really hit me. To paraphrase:

"Many times when you start changing your food habits you think 'I really want this but I CAN'T' and that CAN'T is the problem that prevents people from succeeding. You have to change your mindset and say "I can eat this but I don't want to.'"

That's exactly what the problem has been for me. I felt so deprived in not being able to eat what I wanted that I cheated all the time. I need to get in the right mind set and remind myself all the time WHY I'm doing this.

To get healthy and lose weight.

One good thing out off all this depressing mood is that my skin infections have subsided quite a bit. It's not completely gone but I have noticed that eating less bread/sugar has prevented it from getting worse.

I'm going to start again. I'm going to start a streak. I won't announce it right now. I hate when I announce something and then give up. I want to see if I can do it for 3 days straight before I announce it. Hopefully that'll give me a boost.

I think it's time to let this fog I've been in subside and let some sunshine back in to my life. I don't want to feel this low for my birthday and it's coming up really soon.

New beginning measurements:

Current Weight: 210 lbs
Hips: 48 inches
Waist: 44 inches
higher waist: 39 inches