On a Journey to Wellness

Come with me on my journey to losing weight, getting healthy and going out to meet the world head-on!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

NOW I'm back!

So on Monday's Weigh In I admitted that I had been eating like a pig and the scale Shot up again .. and how I was going to remedy it while I'm still home and not wait until I'm back in the middle-of-nowhere to get back on track. I can't just take a break from my "weight loss journey" just because I'm home, right?

Well after Monday I STILL didn't do anything. And it looked like Tuesday was going to end up the same way.. But something happened that night (Tuesday). My family put on old, OLD videos of us when we were kids.

And I got to see myself as a 7 year old. Not to sound too narcissistic but I was a super cute 7 year old. No. I was a Beautiful 7 year old.

I saw myself at my 7th Bday Party and then the following year. I noticed that in less than a year I was taller and my cheeks were a slight fuller. I noticed that in the second video I had a bag of popcorn that I was eating constantly. All I could think was "I can't believe it. Already. It's already starting!"

Anyway seeing that cute little girl kind of gave me the momentum to get off my ass.

The new year is coming and I don't want to end up at the weight I started with. Eating junk just because it's there and ruining months of hard work.


I owe it to me NOW to get better.

So this morning I got up. I went to the gym. I sweat like crazy (can I just say that not working your abs or working an elliptical machine after a few months is really noticeable. My muscles noticed. LOL)

I started the day right and got a lot of little things done in my regular life as well. I hated how I would spend the whole day sprawled on a couch doing NOTHING these last few days.

But I'm back now.

And it feels great!


Monday, December 27, 2010

Weigh In

So it's after Christmas and before New Years. The damage is:

Current Weight: 220 lbs.
(Obviously I'm not surprised. This simply proves the fact that the second I stop exercising and minding what I eat I can gain 10-15 lbs in a week. Point taken.)

Work Out Achievement(s): Went for a walk twice (three times if you count me running around shopping early in the week) but that's about it.

I've also been OD-ing on chocolate this whole week.

It's a little scary actually to realize that more than once this week I eat and then soon after I feel so SICK that I want to throw up. I never do. And I'll never force myself to throw up either. I don't want to end up with a new complex thank you very much.

But yes I've also noticed the other feeling of BLOATING. Lately after filling myself up to sickness I've also noticed that I start feeling bloated and pressure in my abdomen area. Not exactly cramps but not too far away from them either.

I thought about it and realized that I can actually FEEL myself gaining weight.

It's a little scary. I don't like it!

Goal(s): New week. I have one more week at home before New Years rolls around and rolls away and I go back to work.

I need to work on working out and work on losing weight (or at least maintaining where I'm at and not gaining anymore!). I'm not interested in starting the New Year back to where I started. Thank you very much.

I promise to pop in to Blog-land more often this week. It's also become obvious that anytime I take a break from blogging I become lax and irresponsible when it comes to my weight.

Wish me luck!

Have a Great New Year!


Friday, December 24, 2010

..And Temptation Has Begun

I got home a couple of days ago on my brothers Birthday.

This means cake and lasagna.

Yesterday I was baby sitting while everyone else finished wrapping, cleaning and moving around the house.

That means being inside all day and me roaming the fridge, with the day before leftovers, all the time trying NOT to eat anything. Mission Failure.

The only exercise I've gotten in the last couple of days is a walk I took with my mom and carrying a baby in my arms. Not bad, but not the same as a daily routine of swimming and hiking. LOL

Today is a new day. It's Christmas! (My family celebrates on the 24th through the night and the 25th is usually a kickback and ok-let's-go visit-family-or-something day for us)

I've already eaten breakfast. I need to get out of the house.

Mission "Avoid Temptation" is in effect.

I can do it!

Happy Holidays!!


Monday, December 20, 2010

Weigh In

Hello Everyone!

So it's Monday again already. Honestly it feels like a Thursday. Maybe because I haven't had an official day off in 8 days... I don't know but I had to remind myself to do this post before the day ended.

SO here it is (I'll make it quick since most of my updates were part of my "Blog-Aversary")

Current Weight: 207 lbs (it didn't change from Wednesday when I weighed myself for the anniversary post. Not bad since I've been eating so much lately. I blame it on the rainy, cold weather. LOL)

Work Out Achievement(s): So last time I talked about how SLOW I was swimming and how I've been working on it. Every night I would go swimming I would take my watch and at the end of the night write down how long it would take me to do 25 laps of crawl followed by 25 laps of breast stroke.

So far it hasn't moved much from 25 minutes for 25 laps on crawl and 30 minutes for 25 laps on breaststroke.

Not bad.

Now the not so good news. It's been raining this whole week. What does this mean? It means Elina gets lazy.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE rain. But I admit I've used it as an excuse not to go running these last three days. I've also skipped out on two days of swimming. One of the days was my usual day off for swimming, but the other was simply because I had been soaked and miserable all day and I couldn't muster up the energy to want to get wet again.

Bad I know. But I have to make it up when I go home this week.

Goal(s): Ok, so I KNOW that all my old bad habits return the second I go home. I've been trying to prepare for going home this time and come up with a plan to stay on plan (if you get my meaning). The only thing I could come up with is....

I'll have to cook for myself the entire time I'm home.

I don't know if this will work. The problem with being home is that there's ALWAYS food lying around. If I stay inside I'll magnetically gravitate toward the kitchen so the second part of my plan is...

Get out of the house as much as possible!

If I'm out of the house and away from the kitchen I'll be less tempted and less likely to eat my guts out. Which brings me to part three of the plan....

Go to the Gym!

Simple yes. And I've done it plenty of times but I admit I get Very Lazy when I'm home. You just want to relax and not think of anything and that's ok. But if I can take time out of my hectic schedule at work and walk through a muddy trail and go to an outdoor pool in the rain and swim 50 or more laps what excuse do I have not to get in my car, drive to the gym and jump in to an indoor pool or watch 'The View' while working the treadmill?


So wish me luck while I'm home friends and have a Fantastic Holiday!


Friday, December 17, 2010

**My One Year BLOG-Aversary!** PART 3~

Again, Welcome back to my One Year "Blog-Aversary!"

This is the big one and my favorite (and the hardest to do not because of shy-ness but because the desert in the middle-of-nowhere has the crappiest online connection)..


First of all the mandatory shots of me now that I've lost over 40 lbs:

My co-worker took this pic and caught me making funny faces

and the side view:

Now let's step back and take a look of me a year ago:

December 2009 right after I started this blog

and now December 17, 2010 44 lbs lighter

I can't deny the difference.

I think it mainly shows in my face. My cheeks have deflated a little. LOL
And this is only the beginning.

Thank you for being a part of my journey so far and thank you for celebrating my One Year Blog-Aversary with me!

It's time to continue this journey!


**My One Year BLOG-Aversary!** PART 2~

Welcome Back to my One Year "Blog-Aversary"!

I'll be posting different updates throughout the weekend to celebrate this threshold. Part 1 was simply the introduction!

Part 2 will focus on: Abilities!

Talking about looks and measurements is only part of the game. I can't deny or ignore the other, more valuable changes this journey has created. Let's start listing the Top 10:

1. I am now able and more than willing to jog over 2 miles without stopping or tiring (when before I would stop after 30 seconds of a sloppy sprint)

2. I am able to swim a lap a minute when before I couldn't even hold my breath correctly going across the pool.

3. I can climb hills and stairs with more ease (and hopefully grace)

4. I have introduced myself to cooking and

5. Have found that I like cooking with vegetables. The more color in the dish the better!

6. My procrastination has subsided. I am now more able and less moody when it comes to getting things done, whether it be going for a jog or even doing the dishes.

7. I now feel more comfortable wearing short sleeve shirts, sleeve-less shirts, and dresses when before it was always sleeves, sweaters and pants.

8. I can FEEL and SEE my muscles and I KNOW I worked to get them and deserve to have them.

9. My health has improved. My skin is better and my hormone imbalance symptoms seem to be less. That means less use for medication and less time worrying about what the *** my body is up to to screw me over.

10. I feel inspired, proud, and energetic when people notice what I'm doing and tell me I inspire Them...and then I see them act upon that inspiration. That's the best. :)

11*. My confidence and happiness has boosted. It's miles away from what it was this time last year. I still have a lot to improve upon and more confidence to grow but for now I feel good.

Stay Tuned for Part 3!

If you missed it here is Part 1!


**My One Year BLOG-Aversary!**

****Welcome to my One Year Blog-Aversary****

Today is the day anniversary of me starting my "FAT blog" and starting this journey that has kept me busy and literally sweating all year!

And boy do I have updates.

It's time to look at all the things that have changed and the progress I've made this year.

We'll start with the main thing:

Starting Weight: 251
Current Weight: 207
I've currently lost = 44 lbs

Starting Chest: 52 inches
Current Chest: 47.5 in
-----------------------loss= 4.5 in
Starting Waist: 46 in
Current Waist: 44 in
----------------------loss= 2 in
Starting Hips: 53 in
Current Hips: 48.5 in
----------------------loss= 4.5 in
Starting Thigh: 27 in
Current Thigh: 26 in
---------------------loss= 1 in
Starting Calf: 17 in
Current Calf: 16 in
--------------------loss= 1 in

Since I've lost over 40 lbs that means new pictures coming soon!

Celebrate this great occassion with me by leaving me a comment! Let's celebrate together!

and like always THANK YOU for being with me on my journey!



Monday, December 13, 2010

Weigh In: 40 lbs lost mark!

Good Morning (or afternoon or evening). I bring good news!

Current Weight: 210 lbs (I have now reached the 40 lbs lost mark! Hell Yeah~)

First of all I am giving myself a nice pat on the back for this. I know this is a big step and I KNOW I worked hard to get here but it happened so fast that I'm still trying to get over the re-losing of the 30 lbs that this hasn't sunk in yet. So for now, *pat, pat Elina* Yes. That's good.

I'll have a low calorie margarita later I think. Yes.

Now to business...

Work Out Achievement(s): There's a few things to report here. A few days ago I went swimming. There were people in the pool surprisingly (I mean who goes to an outdoor pool after sundown in December??.. oh wait I do..hehe) and I saw it was my recently met neighbors.

I asked them, like I ask everyone who is in the pool, if they don't mind me taking over the southern long end of the pool to do my laps. They say no it's fine and everyone leaves except the lady I just met. She decides she wants to do laps too.

So we swim and I find out something.

I am NOT a fast swimmer.

I knew I wasn't super quick the time I went to the pool at the 24 and there were people passing me. But swimming in my own pool with someone next to me the whole time really hit it home. I'm SLOW!

I've been swimming up to 65 laps and I've noticed that after a while I feel restless and want to get out already but I never realized it was because I was taking so long.

So long story short the next day or two I decide to time myself. I just had a piece of paper, a pencil and my watch so it wasn't to the second but this is what I got so far:

51 laps of crawl took me 53 minutes to do (I split it up and timed myself for 1 lap, 5 laps, 10, 15, and 20 laps in that order). So not bad I average a lap a minute. I could work with that.

But then I timed myself the next night swimming only Breast stroke (same system: 1, 5, 10, 15, and 20 laps) and I did 51 laps in 75 minutes!

That is WAY too long. So that's what I'm working on now. I need to get those numbers down. Once I get money to buy some equipment I think I'll add a stopwatch to the list or a timer. We'll see. I promised myself that I will not be in the pool longer than 65 minutes.

Other than that I've continued my little jogs in the morning and I found out something yesterday.

The best music thus far to listen to keep me pumped up and moving is..


I was rocking out and lip syncing to Macho Man as I jogged. It was AWESOME. At some point I realized the horse a few feet from me had been staring at my half jog/ half dance moves for a while before I spotted it. He must have thought I was crazy, but I was too far gone in Disco-land to care too much what a horse thought of me. LOL

Goal(s): So I'm hoping to get to the 200's by Christmas time. We'll see about that. I don't want to burn myself out trying to get there though so I'm not going to push myself too hard. Losing 3 lbs in a week is healthy and I'm happy with that. I just want to keep with it.

I promised I was going to do more food posts and I will. It takes so long to load a picture out here that I keep waiting to do these posts until "I have a better wifi signal" but I don't want to get lazy about it either.

Other than that I hope my "speed up the swimming" plan works out.

Also my *One Year Blog-aversary* is coming up this week and I have A LOT of things I'll be updating then so keep out for that too!

Thank you for being a part of my journey so far. Let's do this!


Thursday, December 9, 2010

I'm scared of losing weight

Ok I admit it. Lately I've been scared of losing weight.

Sure I've been working hard at losing weight and I've seen progress. But just a few days ago I really sat down to think about it.

According to the scale this Monday I am around 213 lbs. Not bad right? But here's the thing:

I started gaining weight in 5th grade.

By the time I was in 7th grade I already weighed 215 lbs.

By 9th grade I weighed 225 lbs.

Throughout high school I stayed around the 230's.

When I got to college I weighed around the 240's and 250's (at some point I weighed 260 lbs and the thinnest I remember recording was 245 lbs).

After that I stayed in the 250's.

Now what did the scale say this Monday? 213 lbs?

I am now thinner than I was when I was 13 years old.

I realized that being obese has been part of who I am since I was a kid. I Don't Know how to live another way.

Now you may ask, "Then why are you trying to lose weight if being big is part of your identity?"

Because the person I've been so far is someone I've HATED.

So although I'm scared of going somewhere I haven't been before at the same time I'm ready. I am willing to sacrifice this literal defense layer and move on with my life. Not just move on but fight and work my butt off (literally!) to become someone better.

I can do this!


Monday, December 6, 2010

Weigh In!

Brace yourselves. I couldn't believe it. I'm actually a little scared to post this but I'm trying to keep positive because it's SUPPOSED to be positive:

Current Weight: 213 lbs ("What!?! Holy Sh**!" <---was my reaction when I weighed myself and, "I can't believe this!" was my reaction the three other times I stepped on the scale to confirm)

All I can say at the moment is that my intense week last week must have paid off.. either that or someone is playing with me.

Work Out Achievement(s): What can I say here. Like I mentioned before I was trying to make up for my horrible slip up during Thanksgiving that I worked out so hard I was utterly exhausted. The new jogging routine, the hiking during work and upping my swimming (I started adding 5 laps instead of one lap a day, and although I had started this new routine at 35 laps I am now up to 61 laps. Kind of makes you say "Well no wonder she got that number on the scale." My neighbors have already told me I'm crazy. I take it as a compliment.), as well as paying close attention to my food intake took a lot out of me.

I did it all last week. I was tired but determined to lose weight. I think at some point I even prayed.

I'm going to take this number and keep it. However I have no intentions or desires to keep up the pace I had last week. I'm going to slow down a little bit. I'm still going to jog in the mornings and I'm still going to swim, however I'm going back down to one extra lap a day. I've been wanting to switch up my pool routine but for that I need equipment and I'm waiting until after the holidays to buy them since I need to save up for presents and etc.

Goal(s): Like I just mentioned I'm going to continue what I'm doing now but one thing I want to focus on more (besides core work) is food. Like the annoying trainer at the 24 told me, "Diet is 50 to 70% of the game." I've noticed that I don't actually talk about food here as much as I should.

This doesn't mean that I don't pay attention to food. It's on my mind at all times. It also doesn't mean that I don't plan my meals, or I'm not conscious of portions, vegetables and fruits, protein and carbs. But I want to spend more time focusing this blog on food.

I actually haven't mentioned it but I really look forward to cooking dinner every night. I'm getting in the habit of enjoying chopping up my food and purposely choosing colorful things to feast my eyes as well as my appetite. Look out for more food related posts for now.

Lastly I'm very aware that I'm incredibly close to the 40 lbs lost mark. Two pounds. 2 pounds and I'll reach 40 lbs. I've been stuck in the 220's most of the year that the idea that I'd even reach 40 lbs by the end of the year, especially after Thanksgiving, had dimmed and seemed impossible. Giving me that hope again is giving me momentum to keep going.

I can do it!! You can too!


Saturday, December 4, 2010

I'm sore/ sexy

I've been working pretty hard this week.

I've been eating right (for the most part) and swimming every night. My job itself has also been physically taxing (though not as much as before) and I've continued my 'trots' in the morning.

I'm sore.

My arms are sore. That probably has to do with the switch I've made to doing half my laps freestyle and half my laps breast stroke.

Breast stroke works my body in different ways. I can feel my muscles moving when I'm doing that stroke. From my neck to my feet. It was actually difficult to move that way in the beginning, especially when I was trying to move faster and continuously, but now it's getting easier and more smooth. I enjoy it more now which is good since that's my favorite stroke.

My neck is sore. The main culprit for that is the laps and laps of freestyle I've been doing. Cutting it up and doing 5 laps of freestyle and 5 laps of breast stroke has been helping. Though I still wish a cute masseur would come to my place and help out my neck.

My legs are VERY sore. No question here the combination of swimming, hiking and jogging is catching up to me. The difference in terrain in all three is keeping my legs guessing and giving them a work out so much so that they're screaming in agony.

The only thing that isn't sore are my abs. Which just means I need to work my core more.

But do not worry. The soreness isn't severe. It's just there whenever I stretch. It's like a reminder that I have muscles and that they're being worked more now than ever.

Will I get ripped? LOL I doubt it. Not yet. But hopefully they'll get toned.

I like to think that beneath all this flab is a toned and sexy body and my careful and controlled diet and work-out routines are my tools to cut away the fat and leave behind the sexy.

Don't you want to think so? I do.

The Spark has a section in it's pages about what words, phrases or images people use as motivators. I remember one specifically that I thought was funny and a little embarrasing. One woman said, "A bikini! A bikini before I die!"

Lately I've been thinking more about that phrase. It makes more sense to me now. Why shouldn't I wish to have a body who would look good in a bikini? Why shouldn't I want to work toward looking better? Feeling comfortable with myself and my body instead of hiding it with baggy clothing and layers.. and I also started realizing I've been saying my own phrase, "Catwoman suit! I want to wear a catwoman suit!"

A full body cat suit.

Usually black, skin tight, and let's face it pretty freaken hot. I've always liked the idea of having a body that can support that suit, not to mention Catwoman is my hero. (No really!)

I've always dreamt of wearing one. But that's where I kept that idea, in my dreams. Because I KNEW it would NEVER happen. I mean, look at me, who would want to see me in a catwoman suit? The image itself was disgusting to me.

But now? Now I have hope. Now I see that maybe I can get there. Maybe I CAN work towards a body that can wear a suit. I'm not saying I want to be a size 0. I know that's not realistic. But curves. I want curves. The RIGHT curves. Is that too much to ask for? I no longer think it is. I think it IS possible.

It'll take time. I'll have set backs like this years Thanksgiving, plateaus, maybe even depression. But right now I think I can do it. That's what matters.



Wednesday, December 1, 2010

December Weigh In

Welcome to December!

Honestly I couldn't believe it. November went by WAY too fast. Too too fast. But I can definitely feel December now *shiver*.

So I said I'd reveal the Thanksgiving damage today so here goes:

Current Weight: 226 lbs (It kind of answers the question of whether or not it's possible to gain 10 lbs in 10 days [pssst* the answer is YES])

Ok, so I KNEW that I would be gaining weight last week. Like I mentioned already I was eating like there was no tomorrow the entire week I was home but when I finally bit my lip and stepped on that scale the number shook me.

I couldn't really say I became upset (I'm upset now the more I think about it but..) I instead became resigned and said to myself:
"Damn. This isn't a time to go to pieces Elina. The question you have to ask yourself now is 'why did I do it?'"

I'm not expecting an answer straight away but it is something I have to search within myself.

Why do I go back to my old binging habits the second I go home
? (because this is becoming a trend you see. Every time I spend time at home I eat like crazy and gain weight.)

What am I feeling exactly when I stick something in my mouth? It's not hunger.

How can I change that? Big question.

I'm working on the answers.

Now to counter what I did last week I've since then returned to my workout routine (and a semi-portioned controlled, veggie and fruit filled diet) and have actually started adding something new, partly to make up for my laziness at home and partly because I think it's time to challenge myself further.

I've started lightly jogging in the morning.

It's not anything big. I do enough cardio every night with swimming. I'm taking it easy on the jog. It's actually somewhere between a power-walk and a jog. I call it a 'trot'. Why? Because that's what I look like when I look at my shadow (LOL) and also that is a pace I can easily keep up with without getting winded too quickly. If I start to jog or run full on I get tired easily and stop. It usually ends up with me walking 3/4 of the way.

I have a plan! Just like I did with swimming where I added a lap every night, with jogging I've planned that every day I will go a little further. What rocks about this is that because this little village is pretty much a stretch of highway with buildings on either side there are markers already set every few feet along the road! All I have to do is go one marker further every day. I expect to get to a mile in no time. I also have buildings and etc as markers. This is going to be fun. :)

Now the question you might be asking is "Why so much cardio Elina? You just said you do enough already? Why this?"

This has more to do with endurance training than anything else. I need to condition myself not only physically but also mentally. I'm slowly realizing that the whole idea of "just one more, just one more" is not only working with my work outs but is also helping me with my HUGE procrastination problem.

If procrastinating were a sport I'd have a gold medal. I'm learning that this blog, the routines I'm doing and the mindset I'm forcing myself to have are really helping me in every day life.

I've noticed that now whenever I think, "Meh, I'll do it later" a voice inside of me almost instantly and strongly cuts in saying, "NO. You need to do this NOW."

That voice is the same voice that encourages me to do just 'one more lap' or jog 'a few more feet'.

It's a voice that had been silenced for years. I'm glad to hear it so much stronger now and to encourage it I'm starting the jogging routine in the mornings. (Jogging also warms me up for the day since our little trailer doesn't have heat so yeah *brrr*)

I guess one really finds opportunity after owning to our mistakes eh?

I will keep you posted as this new project continues.

Happy December everyone!


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Consequences of Being a Lazy Ass

So I'm back in the desert after spending 10 days at home. Ten days of eating cake, pie, beef, bread, cheese, and endless chocolate cookies thanks to not only Turkey day but a continuous celebration of my sister, mother and cousins birthdays who all landed in that 10 day stretch.

Add to it hours and hours of movie watching, catching up on my favorite cable shows and just plain laziness (that was definitely helped by colder weather and comfortable beds and blankets).. and you have me back, trying to get past my laziness and worst of all

Pounds and Pounds heavier.

I wanted to lie on this post. I wanted to lie and say that I was so busy getting back to work that I didn't have time to weigh myself this Monday, that I had bad internet access (that part is true), that I lost my scale, that Batman came to my window and told me to glide away with him for a week and I couldn't refuse.

How could I say no, right?

But no. That's not what happened. I wasn't busy and I DID get to check my weight in the scale this Monday. The number I saw on it put me to shame. I couldn't be shocked I just hoped it hadn't been so bad. But it was. It was bad.

I'm not going to post my weight today. I'm going to wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the first day of December and the day I have to update my Monthly weigh in on the side panel--------->

I'll let you know the damage then.

Sigh. This only proves to me how low I can get and how much I have to stay on the ball or else I can gain weight back in an instant.

Damage report tomorrow. You have been warned.

*lowers head in shame*


Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Review

So, I ate big.
I was eating like crazy all day not just during dinner. I was eating like crazy all week actually. I just ate breakfast and I still feel super stuffed.

So, I knew every time I put something in my mouth that I was doing wrong. I kept telling myself that I'll work on it later. That I'd work out later.

But my guilt was eating me up more than I was eating up chocolate.

Once we put the pre-cooked Turkey and Ham in the oven it looked like we had an hour and 45 minutes to kill.

I was already feeling full and dinner wasn't even ready. *shakes head*

I told myself NO, I had to do something now.. anything to make me feel better.

So I told my mom, I was going out for a little while. She understood what I meant.

I was going to the gym.

I drove to the gym. 24 Hr Fitness right? They should be open at 6pm right?


I got there and the place was a Ghost Town. I couldn't even get upset. The roads were almost completely empty anyway. Everyone was at home, warm and toasty.

I wanted to be warm and toasty too.

But no. I told myself I had to work out at least a little.

So I drove up to a jogging park in a nice-ish neighborhood literally up-hill from my own neighborhood.

The place was dimly lit with streetlights and abandoned.

It was COLD. I was only wearing my hoodie. I admit I understood the stupidity of what I was doing. Cold, abandoned street, dim lights and a girl jogging it with earphones.

A recipe for disaster right?

I did it anyway.

I put on my favorite tunes and started jogging/power walking. The street led to a park up a hill. I jogged to the hill, turned around and jogged back.

I took it easy and let the music lead my speed. It took me a little over 40 minutes. The trip was about ~2 miles round trip.

After my initial concern it actually turned out to be very calming and nice. The park/path was surrounded by houses. I could smell the cooking in all the houses. It smelled A-mazing. It made me happy knowing all these people were with loved ones cooking amazing food and enjoying it together.

Once I finished my jog I felt better. I had gone out of my way to get a work out in. I felt refreshed and dare I say it, hungry. Not only for food but hungry to get home and be with MY family and smell MY houses cooking.

I drove home. I took a shower. I helped set the table. We ate and everything was good.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Weigh In: Pass

I'm going to pass this weeks Weigh In. I'm home and I haven't been eating well already. I know I have to watch myself or else I'll blow up like a balloon but at the same time I don't want to stress out over every little thing I eat this week.

This is my vacation and I know that I'll probably gain weight this week. I don't want to ruin my good mood by looking at the scale.

I still need to go to the gym this week and continue swimming. I haven't swum since last Thursday and I'm feeling angsty.

I'll report my progress this weekend.

Have a Great Thanksgiving Everyone!


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

If My 13 year old Self Could See Me Now

As promised I bring you pictures of what Elina looks like at 218 lbs.
*Bear in mind that I had limited resources so these are pics of my reflection, in my cramped little room. LOL*

It might not look like a big difference compared to the last pictures I took at 230 lbs but I can definitely see the difference.

-My arms are more toned and less flab.

-My legs have also gotten slimmer.

-My overall torso has turned from two huge tires to one big gut aka less rolls, over all with a smaller circumference.

-I've lost 4 inches from my middle since I started.

It's a work-in-process definitely. :)

I've been contemplating the changes I've made since I started this journey. One thing that really caught my eye was when I was preparing dinner the other night:

Rice with a lil soy sauce and herbs and a baked tilapia fish with onion, tomato, and green bell pepper, marinated with lemon.

My mouth was watering when I opened the foil and then it hit me. I HATE fish.. or more like I used to Hate fish.

I laughed at this and commented outloud,
"*LOL* If my 13 yr old self could see me now"

My co-worker (who was preparing his own dinner.. also fish btw) turned absently and said "Huh? What was that?"
"Oh nothing."

I suddenly walked out of the kitchen came back with my camera, took the beautiful picture of my food, and put the camera away without comment.

My co-worker said nothing. I smiled and ate my dinner happily.

~Oh these days I live in~


Monday, November 15, 2010

Weigh In: "I Did It!!"

Let's get right to the meat of this post;

Current Weight: 218 lbs (YES! I have now re-lost 30 lbs! And three extra pounds for good measure! YAY!!)

Work Out Achievement(s): So, first of all, yes I was finally able to lose those last few pounds and I have now officially (re)lost 30 lbs. Not only that but I jumped ahead and now I'm in the 2-teens. I haven't been in those numbers since middle school. It's a bit surreal.

I look at myself in the mirror and say, "Well yes, I can see the difference. That's good. But you're still fat Elina. Don't get too cushy yet. Keep going."

Maybe you can hear the not-so-excited tone in my voice here? Maybe it's because I've already lost 30 lbs once and this is the second time getting to the Same weight. Maybe it's because my goals are now further ahead (I want a figure DAMMIT!). I'm not sure what it is but right now this feels more like simply 'advancing to the next level before getting to the castle' than an actual victory. I'm still happy though!

I continued my swimming streak for most of last week. After my fall (read my last post ) I decided to take a break from swimming to let my wounds heal (having your wounds wet really doesn't help) but not before going in to the pool Friday (the day after the fall) and finishing 50 laps.

50 laps! Yes! I did it!

I was so proud of myself you'd get sick of hearing about it soon enough.

However one of my cuts looked worse after the swim so I decided to take the weekend off.

It wasn't easy. The weather was Fantastic on Sunday and I had to stare at my leg hard and continuously to convince myself NOT to go in the pool. But I'll be going in tonight, no worries. LOL

I have to do some research and order a few things online in order to start mixing it up and doing different things in the pool.

As for food I am paying close attention to what I'm eating and portion control. It's an on-going battle for me. I have to remind myself that I'm NOT hungry. I Don't need that granola bar. I Don't have to eat that extra bagel when I already had one. I Don't want a banana split with extra whip cream and sprinkles.

Oh man... mmmm...
It doesn't always work. But atleast I'm so secluded from the nearest fast food restaurants I simply have to settle with the food I have with me. Thank goodness what I have is fruit and water... and dark chocolate.. mmmmm...


For now I think what I'm going to do, as recommended by midlifeswimmer, is work on my lap speed. Swim out at a decent pace and come back strong, repeat. That sort of thing.

I have to go into spark people and use their calorie counter to help me calculate what my calorie intake range should be. I'm assuming this new weight will also mean cutting down on calories as well.

For now I'm just happy I made it this far. It's a nice comfortable feeling knowing that I'm going in the right direction. (It's kind of like the 'aaah' feeling of slipping into clean sheets after a shower knowing that, at THAT moment, all is right with the world..mmm.. yeah that feeling)

I hope that by the winter holidays I'll be even closer to the 200 mark. (That was my original goal to reach the 200's by the end of the year).

So we'll see.

Pictures of a 30 lbs lighter me coming up soon!

Have a great day everyone! Yay!


Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Bumps (& scrapes) on the Journey to Wellness

*this post was inspired by a post from the blog that introduced me to the "blogging world" and brought me this far *


A couple of nights ago I was swimming.

This was the night I decided I would really go for it and make a new record... and I did.

I swam 49 laps in 49 minutes. I was ECSTATIC!

I walked out of the pool feeling preeety cool:

But then tragedy struck. SLIP! Woop! BAM!!

I slipped and fell:

The men in the pool with me were worried. I waved it off and said it was just a scrape... but that didn't stop me from complaining like a baby by the time I reached the showers:

"hisss~ Aaaah.. dam***, sh**, you freaken klutz!"

My earlier high quickly diminished and sadness swept in:

But after a shower and a few minutes of complaining I told myself to stop acting like a baby.

Be strong!:

So I put some ointment that I found in my first aid kit:

I brushed my hair and my teeth:

I put on my lucky socks:

"Oh Yeah!"

Laughed it off and told myself this is just one small price to pay for getting healthy and well.

I put a smile on my face (and popped an advil LOL) and went to "town" for some soup and some company!:

I can do it!! You can too!


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

What does She Eat Anyway?/Pictures!

So as promised here is my Food post. (Get ready for some amazing looking food! lol)

So this is a typical day for me out here.. at least for the last couple of weeks

6:15 a.m.

This is every morning. Cold cereal with (vanilla) Soy Milk and a banana. Usually I would slice the banana in to the cereal but I was in a hurry this morning. (Ignore that "nutritional shake" in the corner. That belongs to my co-worker. I don't touch that stuff.)

around 10 a.m. I would usually have grapes and water OR a granola bar but yesterday was special and I had Chai tea and the rest of my pomegranite. Mmmm.

Lunch 12:00 p.m.

This is delicious. We have a toasted "Bagel Thins" bagel with a WW cheese spread. Greens, onion, tomato, avocado and an already cooked chicken patty from Costco.

It makes a delicious sandwich!

around 2 or 3 p.m. I would usually have either another granola bar or fruit but today I was a little bad and had

yummy bread pudding from the local diner AND one tablespoon of peanut butter (crunchy) to add it with. I drank it with a glass of (vanilla) soy milk.. so this all means I didn't eat any granola bars.

Dinner 7:00pm
I'm usually really hungry after my swim so this is my favorite meal of the day.

Last night I had curry (Indian Fare from Trader Joes) with ONE slice of Naan and a TON of grapes. All accompanied by my forever with me water bottle.

I am back to not drinking juices or sodas (I already don't drink coffee) so again my drinks are usually water, (soy)milk, tea and the occasional gatorade though the last one is so rare nowadays.

So, how many calories is this? According to sparkpeople.com's calorie counter this is around 1,975 calories.

The bread pudding really added a few calories there but overall this is ok. I'm trying to keep my calories between 1,700-2,000 and as long as I don't go over 2,000 calories I think I'll be ok. (Of course the more I keep it near the 1,700's the better right?) lol

Well that's some insight on my diet.

What do you think? LOL


Monday, November 8, 2010

Weigh In

I woke up this morning, groggy and not necessarily in a great mood knowing that today was my weigh in day. All week I kept crossing my fingers and bouncing up and down like a little girl hoping that the scale would give me good news,

"Please 226! Please let me be near 226 or 227. That's all I ask!"

I finally got out the scale (and my glasses and my headlamp because the freaken scale I bought ended up being incredibly hard to read!) and got a pleasant surprise:

Current Weight: 223 lbs (Holy Sh**! Was that right? I had to weigh myself 4 times to believe it but yes that's what it said!)

I couldn't believe the scale this morning but I'm Soo Pleased that this new work out regime is working for me. Which brings me to

Work Out Achievement(s): Last night was the most successful swim I've had since I started. I swam 45 laps without taking ONE break. I came up with a new way of chanting/keeping track of what number I was on (before I kept getting distracted by my own thoughts and would doubt what number I was on, making me do double laps sometimes..maybe. LOL) and it worked so well it became some sort of meditation.

My mind was so clear, my movements felt so smooth, and I knew EXACTLY what number I was on and how many I had left. My breathing was controlled. If someone walked in to the pool area I never noticed, I was so in-tuned with what I was doing.

This is my own picture of the pool I visit every night. This is through the fence that separates it from the "general public."

This weekend this little village had a celebration called "Old West Days" complete with a Craft Show, Line Dancing, old Cowboys and Country Music.

This is the stage where most of the celebrations were held. This was the day after the main events ended.

The place was packed and I happened to have company in the pool on Friday and Saturday nights.

When I finished my laps Friday night I got out of the pool and chit chatted with the couple that were in there with me (I didn't notice they were in there until my second to last lap) and felt a surge of pride when the girl told me,
"Oh yeah this town is cute but we were both mainly amazed at you swimming laps! My husband here told me, 'That girl has been swimming since before we got here and she STILL hasn't stopped once.'"

I laughed at this and told them my plan that once I moved there I needed to find a way to work out and how I made the decision to start swimming and add a lap every day. They seemed impressed. It made me happy that they didn't think I was crazy and that I wasn't the only one who thought I was making good progress.

I smiled and thanked them.

The next night I went swimming a little early. It started raining and even I noticed the lightning. This didn't stop me from continuing but it definitely left me the pool to myself. So when I finished I was surprised to see that the same husband from the night before was in the pool by himself and enthusiastically asked me what lap I was on,

"44. I'm done."
"Yeah. I kind of went for it tonight. *pause* Well goodnight!"
"Oh. Goodnight."
He seemed a little disappointed that he missed the show I think. Aw well. LOL.

Goals: So with this happy note I'm really hoping to continue my regime of swimming (I want to reach 50 laps and then I'm finally going to switch it up I think).

I was looking at some of my fellow Bloggers and decided that I should make a post about the food I'm eating, pictures and all. :)

I've been really bad about counting calories for a while now and instead I've simply been trying to be conscious of calories in the food I buy and portion control. I thought it would be a nice project to take pictures of the food I eat and take account that way.. at least once. lol

Other than that I'm hoping that by keeping this course I could lose 3-4 lbs by next week. By doing so I'll finally go back to the 30 lbs lost mark. I'd be so THRILLED if that happened.

What am I saying? It WILL happen! Maybe not by next week but definitely (hopefully) by the end of the month!

Wish me luck and I hope your Monday is as full as self satisfaction as mine is becoming!


Saturday, November 6, 2010


I have a pain on the right side of my neck from turning so much when swimming.

I have a crave for carbs every morning around 10 a.m.

I also want chocolate ALL the TIME.

I'm reading Jillian Michaels book on hormones and metabolism

(which is actually really interesting and it's giving me a lot more insight on the stuff I knew already about how hormones and etc control your body.. and since I have a lot of the problems she mentions it's like someone is finally throwing me a light in the tunnel..)
and I'm getting mad at my old doctors who knew this stuff about me for YEARS and never bothered to tell me until ONE YEAR AGO (when I switched doctors).

It was a good day but all these things that are happening recently just make me want to scream
"Gahh! What is going on body?! Don't you WANT to get better? Stop sabotaging yourself!!"

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes..


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Remembering the Little Things

Today I was (still am) in "town" re-stocking food & etc for the week and I started having fun remembering all the little things the classes and articles I've read recommend to keep you active.

Things like:

-Park farther away from the store and walk

-Use a basket instead of a cart to do your grocery shopping (when you don't have much to buy) <--- this is something I personally do because not only does it work my arms but it also keeps me conscious of the amount of food and etc I buy. It gets heavy fast!

-Make sure you read the labels and don't just focus on fat but calories as well

-The healthiest things are usually found on the outer walls and the more processed foods are usually in the aisles, so shop the outside first

-Don't go to the store hungry. (LOL <--- I downed a bag of trail mix right before going in to the grocery store)

The rest are just things I personally try to remind myself:

-Smile at the grocer and they'll help you choose a melon or similar

-Be sweet with the cashier (especially when the cashier is the manager) and they can use their "prefered card" for you when you don't have one and save you $5

-Lift at the knees not at the waist

-Run away from cheese!

-Don't ask for help to your car and instead show how awesome you are at carrying 5 bags of groceries and 2 gallons of water on your own to the back of the parking lot WITHOUT a cart (Oh Yeah~)

Ok that's all. Just having a fun day at the grocery store.

What fun and healthy thing did you do today?


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Weigh In

I'm back in the desert and back to work. I got home late last night (Monday my Weigh In day) so I decided to weigh in this morning.

Current Weight: 228 lbs (great! We're back in the 220's, back in Business!)

Work Out Achievement(s): So this weekend as I mentioned in my last post I was at a convention this weekend and didn't really have a lot of time for visiting the gym or swimming. Honestly the closest thing I had to a work out was carrying boxes of food up stair cases a few times (I was a volunteer for the convention so yes I was wearing knee high boots and carrying a couple of Costco cases of Orange juice as my weekend get-a-way.. and I LOVED it! lol)

Other than that I also didn't get much of a chance to eat proper meals. Actually, I don't think I had one real meal the whole weekend. I survived on little complimentary cups of water and Trail Mix oh and the occassional buffalo wing I took from my friends who were smart enough to order food from the hotels restaurant.

Besides that earlier in the week I had continued my swimming streak, and after the weeekend was over and I returned to the desert I made sure to go back to the pool and pick up my laps where I left off.

Last night I easily swam 39 laps. Tonight will be 40 laps. 40 laps! I still can't believe it.

Goal(s):The entire time I was swimming last night (besides reminiscing about the weekend) I kept thinking that I should sign up for Swim-a-Mile which is a fundraising event for Women with Cancer as a part of The Womens Cancer Resource Center in Oakland, CA. I have volunteered (yes Elina loves to volunteer) for it before and even got the president of my College to donate $200 once (hehehe).

It was held in the beginning of October this year and I think I have to wait another year for it to happen again. When I volunteered before ( I would sit at the edge of the pool and tally off the number of laps a person would do as they swam, as well as general help for the event, answer questions etc) I loved the happy vibe. The cheering, the people. I was so proud of my fellow volunteers and classmates who swam but I never swam myself. A part of me is a little hesitant because you have to raise around $350 dollars for your swim and I have NEVER been good at asking for money, even if for a cause.

However, I think training for this and also forcing myself to fundraise will be two different steps toward improving myself. One, to get in shape so that I can do this and Two, to get involved in my community and work toward a cause instead of just sit on my ass and say "Oh, well that's too bad huh."

Be pro-active!

Now I have to remember that I currently Do Not live in Oakland CA and maybe I should find a different swimming event that is closer to me. This is a good point, however, I also think it would be a good idea to do this there. It'll be supporting the people I worked with before and it'll give me more of an accomplished feeling because it's the event that I was too scared of being a part of before.

I'm tired of living with regrets and this will be making up for one I've had for a few years.

I leave you with a pic of me this weekend; happy and with goals in the making!

Have a great week everyone!


Monday, November 1, 2010

Starting November with a new state of mind

I don't feel fat tonight.

Looking back on it I can count having that feeling throughout my entire life in one hand I think. I'm enjoying it tremendously at the moment.

So much so that I had to blog about it.
Yes it's midnight right now. Yes I'm in a motel room next to the freeway. Yes I'm exhausted after four hours of endless driving. But I'm calm and pleased.. and I want to share.

I just finished having an awesome weekend; on what is quickly becoming a late October tradition, of attending a convention with old college buddies each year. This year, although the newness of the events had worn off, the feeling of familiarity and fun was still present and during my drive tonight I realized something:

This was the first year I didn't worry about my weight or appearance(as much). I got to wear the outfits I wanted to wear without worrying about being uncomfortable or looking like a "fat girl trying to be skinny."

Because of that I naturally felt more comfortable with myself and less self-conscious. It changed my mood a bit and, dare I say it, brought out some slight confidence in my step as I strode through the hoardes of familiar and unfamiliar faces.

I actually got complimented more than once. I was even called "beautiful" and "hot" and not just by gay men this time. LOL. I might even recall getting looks that lasted longer than a general glance... but maybe I was just being hopeful on that last part.

Either way I'm admiting right now that I actually allowed myself to feel "pretty". Something I had almost NEVER allowed myself to feel before.

Now, most people out there might think I'm exaggerating.

"It's not like you've never felt pretty before Elina. Get over yourself." you might say.

But what you have to remember is that a person who has been living with incredibly low self-esteem and had actually almost completely convinced herself of how hideous she was and how that would never change, could actually have a hard time getting to a point where she could feel comfortable enough with herself to feel good and, well pretty...

Not only that but acknowledge it.
Not just acknowledge it but embrace it.
Not just embrace it but decide to make it public (aka this blog)

It's a big step.

I think I'm making progress.

I looked at myself in the mirror tonight.. with almost the same setting as the last time I did it.

There I was in a big motel mirror, ready for major criticism. I couldn't muster up enough energy or need to think of anything horrible about myself.

I actually commented, "Hmm. It looks like I'm losing weight." and left it at that.


Welcome November.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Weigh In

(This will be quick since I'm in a public computer and have to go back to work in 15 minutes!)

Current Weight: 230 lbs (I was really pleased and surprised at this number since I haven't been a good girl this weekend diet-wise)

Work Out Achievement(s): I've continued swimming. I went home last weekend and took a break from swimming I guess you could say I technically broke my "streak" but I really needed the break, enjoyed myself in the few hours I was able to get off and I happily re-started my streak where I left off the second I got back to the desert.

Last night was 36 laps. Tonight will be 37. My goal will be to get to 50 laps and see what I do from there.

I also want to invest in a buoy that goes between your legs to make it more of a work out

I've tried these before and they really make a big difference. Maybe I'll order one online and get it in the mail because I honestly don't know where I'm going to find one out here. LOL

Goals: I've been reading different books on food and "food remedies" and what foods are healthy and etc... I'm trying to come up with some sort of food list specifically designed for my own needs. I'm tired of reading generic ideas of what's "good for you" when each person is so different.

Let's see where that takes me.

I'll write more when I get a chance till then "just keep swimming" LOL


Wednesday, October 20, 2010


After I last blogged "revealing" my new work out strategy of swimming every night and adding a lap each night to challenge myself, I got to thinking about the changes I've been feeling since I started.

How satisfied I've been feeling marking an X on the wall calendar after another night of swimming was done.

How I've noticed how much easier it's becoming to continue swimming lap after lap without strain.

How my muscles stopped hurting after the first couple of days.

How water no longer sticks to my ear because I've somehow managed to move my head more gracefully when I come up for air.

How therapeutic it's becoming to swim not only because the water is warm, the pool is quiet at night but also

Because I have to control my breathing in a way that won't make me short of breath and allows me to keep going.

How last night (32 laps) were the easiest laps I've ever done... almost pleasantly going "la~ la~ la~ lap 28, la~ la~ la~ lap 29"

and then of course having a masochistic part of me thinking I have to do something different now because things are getting too easy again.

But then I slap that voice down and tell myself that it's OK to feel happy that I'm enjoying my work out. That's it's ok to notice that I'm not struggling to do an athletic ability.

I listen to THAT voice.

Just thinking about that pleasant and calm swim last night makes me super calm as I type this.

Who knew meditation could come through a lazy crawl lap? LOL.

I think I'll start looking up different strokes or atleast work on making my strokes a bit better and not get bad habits. lol.

Till next time


Monday, October 18, 2010

Weigh In: a Fish in the Desert

Current Weight: 231 lbs (so that means that I was able to lose 2 lbs since last week. This also means I'm back to my 20 lbs lost mark. Not bad)

Work Out Achievement(s): So here it is. The Big Reveal to what I started doing about ten days ago. I've started swimming again!

Although I'm living in the middle of the desert this tiny little town has a pretty nice sized pool to do laps in. Not only that but the water is brough from a Warm spring close by so the pool is naturally warm AND because it's cleaned regularly it is Un-Clorinated.

Pretty sweet deal.

Back a few months when I first started this journey and I was thinking about swimming I bought this awesome swimsuit that made me want to swim even more. I've even had some good memories at the gym
with it.

When I looked up the little town I was going to live in I found out their pride and joy was their local pool and so I brought the swim suit without really knowing whether or not this pool would be big enough for me to actually swim.

It turned out to be perfect.

This pic was taken from an online website but this is exactly the pool I go to every night.

Not as big as a regular lap pool but enough to do some decent laps.

Now, what's so special about swimming again? Two things:
1) I decided to do a "streak" (<-- program SparkPeople does where you try to keep up with a work out routine or whatever as many days in a row as possible) of going swimming every night without skipping. and
2) I decided that every night I would add 1 lap to my total.
This means that the first night I did 20 laps. Each night afterwards I would add a lap. So the next night was 21 laps, then 22.. etc, etc.

Last night was my big treshold; last night was my 30th Lap!

Challenging myself like this and edging myself on at every point (literally: every stop at the edge of the pool I kept telling myself "one more, just one more") has been VERY rewarding.

Since I'm adding one lap at a time it's making me pace myself and WANT to keep going. I want to reach my 35th lap. My 50th. Hell I want to get to 100 laps!

This method of going about working out is not only making me want to work out, but work out daily and work out harder.

It's a great, great feeling.

Goal(s): Because swimming isn't enough and I also need to continue gaining stamina in hiking up and down my field sites (my sites are getting further and further away from the road which means more and more walking for me) I need to start hiking more.

One of my temp co-workers last night joked that I should go out to the marshes with my big wader boots

something like this

early in the morning and run laps around the sinky mud and thick saltgrass. I laughed and said "yeah right" but it did get me thinking that I DO need to start doing something to get me in better shape for this terrain. Walking with those boots around here is no picnic.

But yes, other than that I need to keep my swimming streak. LOL, it kind of brings new meaning to the phrase

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" lol

have a great week everyone!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Quick Post: I'm tired.

So tomorrow will be my Weigh In.
It'll also be the day I "reveal" my new work out routine (though I don't think it's that hard to guess or incredibly amazing.. just something different)
I'm not sure how I did this week but I hope the scale will show a result for the better.

I really need a boost right about now.

This work week hasn't been my regular "work for 12hrs, go home, eat, sleep. Repeat". I actually have way too many hours to kill for my liking.

However this week has also been kind of tiring. Physically as well as slightly psychologically.

Because of a change in schedule I have to work two weeks back-to-back with no breaks. At first I didn't think it would be a big deal since the days are so simple.. but right now I kind of regret that decision.

I'm tired. Today's work to get things ready for tonight was hard. My body is feeling itt. I'm cringing that I have to do more this evening.

I need a break.

It's times like these when I decide to "skip the gym" or "eat a brownie" to make me feel better and "relax." But there isn't much time for that. And I can't afford to do either.

So I will continue to work today. I will work out after work no matter how tired I am. I will keep myself away from junk food.

Weigh In tomorrow.

Wish me luck.


Monday, October 11, 2010

My Hike to Black Rock

So as I just mentioned in today's Weigh In I wanted to post pics of today's short hike to "Black Rock".

"Black Rock" is this volcanic hill literally on the other side of the street from my 'trailer park' (god I hate how that sounds.. trailer park.. let's call it an RV Park.. it is technically an RV park also. I get new neighbors every night!)

The Village Naturalist made a trail using Caution Yellow Tape that takes you up there.

Apparently Native Americans in the area used that hill to do "sleeping circles". I wish I could give a full history lesson on them, but I don't know much more than that at the moment.

I cross the street and I see B.R. in the nearby distance. I can't find the trail at first so I start making my own. However once I start walking toward the Rock I quickly find the trail and move on

I could definitely see myself following caution tape of all things as a marker.. I mean who WOULDN'T follow Caution tape. It just screams "Follow me I'll show you something cool.. and forbidden" lol

So I easily follow the trail and sure enough I get to the edge of B.R.

It's an easy climb since the rocks work like stairs and since it's a nice incline it doesn't really feel like I'm going up to steeply.

Once I reach the top I get a great view of the surrounding area:

And I can also see my trailer from the top:

It was definitely a nice little trail to go on. It was simple and easy. My grandma could do it. LOL.

I'll have to look for new trails.

'Til then!


Weigh In

Current Weight: 233 lbs (there. I did it. I wrote it down. Can't say I'm surprised.. can't even say I'm disappointed.. though I did cringe when I updated my Monthly weigh in on the side panel ----->)

Work Out Achievement(s): In my last post I mentioned I had started a new work out routine. I'm still not ready to reveal that yet so let's move on. Since I started work I haven't done much exercise outside of walking through boggy mud and sinky water.. apparently this isn't enough exercise (although it leaves me breathing heavy and exhausted) to lose the pounds.. although I have noticed that my legs are still pretty well defined.. hmmm..

Anyway so since I realized I'm going to have to work harder than that I finally dug through my things and found the Pilates video I bought right before I moved out to the desert.. I uncovered the plastic and popped it in the computers CD-rom drive.

O.M.G... Pilates is Hard!! I didn't really know the difference between Pilates and Yoga.. I have a yoga dvd somewhere and that one felt too easy. Too slow paced for my crazy brain.. so I believed that Pilates would be the same.

Boy was I wrong. It's not like the moves themselves were hard.. I just couldn't get my body to position itself where the nice lady in the video wanted me to. I couldn't lift my legs up in the air like her. I couldn't stretch myself out like her and I could definitely not roll like her.

Looks easy right?
Snort.. yeah might as well ask me to do this:

Go Madonna Go!

After ten minutes of trying it out I had to fall back on the rug (I was using the living room rug as my mat and taking advantage that I was alone in the trailer to attempt this) and just catch my breath while Ms. Thing in the video finished the set.

Have I decided to quit. HA HA HA HA. Elina never quits! I simply started stretching and practicing the moves on my bed.. where I'm more cushioned... in order to get myself "limbered up" for Round 2!

Bwahahahaha! (<--- evidence she's going crazy or feeling the Halloween vibe)

Anyway, I'm hoping that this video and my new routine, plus going on a short hike every day will help me get enough cardio in to help me shed the pounds.

Goal(s): Well like I just said I'm hoping my new planned routine will work out.

I've made a schedule. Let's see if I can keep it. Here it is:

5:30 a.m. Wake Up, Get ready, Eat Breakfast
6:25 a.m. Go to Work
8:30-9a.m. Come back from morning session, Input data in comp
10:00 a.m. Finish data, go out for a hike or similar or both
12:00 p.m. Lunch
1:00 p.m. Study
3:00 p.m. Free time= "do something creative"
4:30 p.m. Prepare for afternoon session
5:30 p.m. Go to Work
7:00 p.m. Come back from evening session, prepare for next days morning session
7:30 p.m. Eat dinner
8-9:30p.m. Stretch, Attemp Pilates, Misc.
9:30-10p.m. Go to Sleep

This is my agenda for everyday. Of course not everyday will be exactly like this but this is pretty mucht the routine I'm trying to get down. Some things are mandatory so I'm hoping that the rest of the stuff I have will just fall in to place.

And anyway I'm quickly learning that you have to have some sort of routine to keep you busy around here or you'll go mad. This is mine. lol

So that's it for now. I'm going to immediately follow up this post with a post of my first small hike.. to Black Rock


Sunday, October 10, 2010

"Running away from Cheese"

So tomorrow is my Weigh In day.

I haven't weighed in in at least two weeks.

I can honestly say I'm worried.. Scratch that.. I'm scared.

I'm scared because I can see myself in the mirror and I KNOW I'm not where I want to be.. I KNOW I'm not going to see the number I keep hoping for (which 221 lbs btw... that was my 30 pound mark that I barely tasted before the pounds came rolling back last month).

But you know as I keep thinking about it I'm also getting pretty sick and tired of feeling scared.

Living in fear is something I've perfected in my adolescence and it's pissing me off that a part of me is still living there.

Why should I be scared? Why should I let that horrible feeling take me over and make me hide?

So I gained weight... No one ever said this process was going to be easy.. Actually earlier this year it felt TOO easy.

I shouldn't have said anything. Now I have to struggle with learning from my mistakes. Starting over, and moving forward.

I went to town yesterday and stocked up on groceries.. I was craving cheese.
When I finally made it to the cheese section of the store I felt trapped and cornered.

Everything looked delicious! Everything looked amazing! Everything looked so easily accessible.
I had to look at cheese spreads, blocks of cheese, grated cheese, cheese slices and crumbled cheese.

I was so overwhelmed knowing that in almost any way processed and stored I could buy the cheese and easily open the fridge, stick my hand in, grab cheese and eat it before I could realize I was binge eating and run away from the fridge.

I felt so doomed I almost literally ran away from the aisle.

Can you believe that? Elina being so scared of CHEESE for goodness sake that she almost ran away from it screaming?

Yes. I am not kidding here. I was almost sweating and biting my bottom lip at my own paranoia.

But alas I saw a solution in the corner of my eye. .. A small container of Feta crumbled cheese.


This cheese is amazing. Comes sealed in a tupperware style container that will make me think twice before I open it and best of all I DON'T like the way Feta tastes when I eat it by itself.

Why is this perfect you ask? Because for me Feta cheese is either made to be added to a dish or not eaten at all.. It's kind of like baking cocoa. You love it in your cake but wouldn't want to grab a spoonful and eat it (not very tasty without sugar). Or cinammon. You love the smell and taste of it when you add it to your favorite pastry or drink but wouldn't really consider grabbing a cinammon stick and munching on it for a snack (at least I wouldn't.. they're not that good alone lol).

So problem solved! I get to buy my cheese and eat it too WITHOUT having to worry about going nuts over it or choosing to binge eat it when I'm bored in the trailer.

Sweet Deal!

I buy my cheese and a few other healthy choices (like greens, tilapia, and chocolate almond milk)) and head back to the trailer.

I've also started a new workout routine. I don't want to talk about it yet because it's still in the works and I don't want to jinx it by mentioning it more now... But soon!

Over all, although I'm a little nervous at checking the scale tomorrow morning I am also happily returning to a healthy routine that will, hopefully, help me continue on my journey.

Until tomorrow I leave you with this awesome picture I took outside my 'trailer park' with the new work camera I was issued. (Yes I'm not supposed to use this awesome camera for anything other than work but I made the excuse that I needed to learn how to use it to take some awesome pictures!)

Let us step away from fear, open the door and check out what life has to offer! In this case a beautiful "Dancing Lady" butterfly in a field of yellow flowers.

wish me luck everyone and don't forget to suggest Healthy Recipes!

Friday, October 8, 2010

A plea for help!

So I've been in this little town (they call it a village) for almost two weeks. I'm trying to get used to the area

I have never lived in a tiny town before and I'm starting to find the cuteness of it.

I can't complain over the sunset view:

This is a pic of dusk outside my study site a couple of nights ago. Pretty cool right?

I've checked most of what this lil place has to offer... which mainly means I've checked out quite a few eateries already.. which includes eating Pork chops at a neighbors bbq, inviting my co-worker for "date shakes" (these amazing shakes made out of vanilla ice cream and real date puree.. I never even knew I liked dates before this.. lol),
as well as sampling different dates right off the palm tree since there is a Date Farm out here..
lol, going to "town" and trying out their Japanese restaurant--and stuffing myself with sushi. Checking out the towns cafe' and trying out their nutella and banana crepe (yes the desert has crepes.. and nutella. yumm!) and eating tons of dark chocolate

And that was all just this week!

I finally managed to buy a scale this week also. I'm scared to climb on but I will definitely do it when this Mondays Weigh In comes rolling around.

What I need right now are recipes. I need to go out and find a book store or something with healthy recipes I can cook in my trailer.

I need to keep myself busy out here and I think learning to cook.. and learning to cook healthy is a great way of taking up my time. I keep going back to Julie and Julia when I think of starting this project. I don't think I'd want to be as strict as Julie but I DO think it would be a cool idea to cook myself through a cook book while I'm out here. Don't you think?

I love food. I can never deny that. I want to gain skills that will allow me to eat the food I want. I want to learn to want the food that's good for me. Learning how to cook the right foods should help. Right?

---So now I'm going to ask YOU, the one reading this, yes you.. Do you have any suggestions on either recipes or better yet recipe books I should try to start this new project? Please leave a comment ( I LOVE comments!) on any suggestions you might have.

Don't have any suggestions but can think of someone who might? Why not ask them? Report back here. LOL

I am honestly asking for help here. I'm tired of trying to go at this alone and having too much pride to ask for help.

So I'm asking YOU. Can you help me help myself to feeling better, getting healthier and overall become a "Well" person?

Sunday, October 3, 2010


Ok so yesterday I wen to town to buy a ton of cleaning supplies and food for the week. Now that I was in civilization and had cell service and after my last post (which reading back on it I felt shame in my outburst over my co-worker. It wasn't their fault I was feeling moody and cranky and I apologize now though I doubt they'll ever read this post) I decided to shamelessly call my mom.

I mean c'mon, whether or not you want to admit it you too would want to contact mom (or equal person of importance in your life) to get some comfort.. and it beats comfort food too~ lol

I pretty much told her everything I had already posted and more and in the end I told her that I was now becoming obsessed in cleaning out the trailer to make me re-gain control over myself and stop being frustrated.

And then she said something that gave me a revelation. She laughed and said "Yeah, cleaning is a great de-stresser."

Simple sentence but I suddenly realized that all these odd feelings were stress!

Now this may be obvious to you but I have never been good at recognizing stress when I had it. College buddies would always marvel at my ability to stay cool during deadlines and a midterm or final crisis. The thing I kept trying to explain to them and to myself was simply that I didn't feel what all the crazyness was about. I felt fine.

This was always wrong though. I don't know when I'm stressed. Because I don't know I don't show it. I actually have to have a super vivid and scary nightmare about my teeth falling, rotting, melting, piercing and bleeding (and then wake up in a cold sweat feeling my mouth for loose teeth) to realize that I was stressed out.

So long story short my moms small comment suddenly put things in perspective. I have been feeling stressed out this week and that was affecting everything I was doing.

"No wonder." was my internal reply to all this.

Now.. what does this have to do with weight loss? A LOT. My energy levels were off. I was tired all the time. I actually have been so obsessed in cleaning the trailer that I have forgotten to eat (which is the opposite of over eating but still not good for my metabolism) and more than once since Wednesday I've had to stop myself and told myself to sit down and eat something... that wasn't just a spoonful of peanut butter!

At the same time I have to remind myself that this journey is a WELLNESS journey and that keeping myself sane and happy is just as important as dropping the pounds.

Quite a revelation isn't it?

That's why I love my mommmy~~ (I'm not ashamed of saying this. I would sing it at an assembly if I could sing. Don't be jealous that my mom is awesome.)

So I ended my conversation with her a few minutes afterwards since I was still feeling a little out of it and dizzy for being in a place with so many people at one spot.

(That's another thing that sometimes happens. I'm alone so long and isolated for periods of time that I become disoriented in a populated place, in this case the Super WalMart this small town has to offer for my shopping needs.)

I went back to the trailer after stealing wifi and posting some pics yesterday, realized I forgot to buy a scale in all my crazyness (damn!) and started cleaning.

I didn't stop until 9:30pm.. I had started my day at 7a.m.

Today after spending another 4 hours cleaning I decided to take a break.

I took a shower and read for a lil while. I bought myself a copy of 'Eat, Pray, Love'

and so far I'm loving it. It's definitely a story I need to read right now. It's made me so calm and forced me to step outside the trailer (which was a great decision since the weather is so nice right now).. too bad it's also making me crave Italian food like crazy..."mmm pasta... No! Bad Elina! Bad Elina!"

I honestly need to check up on the whole stress thing though. I still can't believe that I'm 24 years old and still can't recognize stress when it comes knocking on my window.. lol

I feel much better though. That's the point of this post.

Let's keep the optimism flowing!


Saturday, October 2, 2010

Elina's New Adventure: Pictures!

As promised here are a few pictures I managed to take this week of the area I'm now living and working in.

Let's see:

Here's a pic of my coworkers after we finish walking the plot. We're surrounded by salt bush and bulrush.. two plants which grow in abundance near natural hot springs.. which is where we were.

Did I mention I'm surrounded by hot springs? lol

One of the days we went out to trap in the morning we caught an old man bathing in the natural hot spring. I felt guilty ruining his early morning past time and at the same time self conscious since I'm still not comfortable to have my butt-naked body out in public like that. LOL.

Another pic of the beautiful scenery. The sun was starting to set and it made the whole area glow gold. It was so beautiful I had to take a pic.

Speaking of stopping dead and grabbing your camera. I made my co-workers stop for this one:

As sunset progressed it lit up and colored the neighboring hills. It was too awesome too miss.

I have tons more scenery pics of that day and the following morning. But I'll save them for another time for when I take and add pics of the trailer I'm going to be fixing up..

Until then!