On a Journey to Wellness

Come with me on my journey to losing weight, getting healthy and going out to meet the world head-on!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I'm scared of losing weight

Ok I admit it. Lately I've been scared of losing weight.

Sure I've been working hard at losing weight and I've seen progress. But just a few days ago I really sat down to think about it.

According to the scale this Monday I am around 213 lbs. Not bad right? But here's the thing:

I started gaining weight in 5th grade.

By the time I was in 7th grade I already weighed 215 lbs.

By 9th grade I weighed 225 lbs.

Throughout high school I stayed around the 230's.

When I got to college I weighed around the 240's and 250's (at some point I weighed 260 lbs and the thinnest I remember recording was 245 lbs).

After that I stayed in the 250's.

Now what did the scale say this Monday? 213 lbs?

I am now thinner than I was when I was 13 years old.

I realized that being obese has been part of who I am since I was a kid. I Don't Know how to live another way.

Now you may ask, "Then why are you trying to lose weight if being big is part of your identity?"

Because the person I've been so far is someone I've HATED.

So although I'm scared of going somewhere I haven't been before at the same time I'm ready. I am willing to sacrifice this literal defense layer and move on with my life. Not just move on but fight and work my butt off (literally!) to become someone better.

I can do this!



Anonymous said...

stay strong! embrace your past, because that is who you are. but also embrace who you are now because that is your present. -Emily C.

Christine said...

Hey! I have been where you are. You can do this. It is a hurdle, but recognizing it is the biggest hurdle...realizing that you want to move past it and doing so is a huge victory. It's good to find this blog. I like your attitude. I will be following, keep up the good work. I'll be adding you to my blogroll as well.

Jen said...

With your hard work comes change. You are indeed losing a lot of weight, the fruits of your labor, but you should stop and realize that you are not only just losing it, you are also changing internally along with your external change. This IS becoming part of your identity. You're more confident, you're more free, a little more daring, I feel like you're finally breaking free from a person, who even though I think is amazing, you've hated and haven't been comfortable with. I'm glad to see that you're ready. Now embrace the change and your new life :)