Ok I admit it. Lately I've been scared of losing weight.
Sure I've been working hard at losing weight and I've seen progress. But just a few days ago I really sat down to think about it.
According to the scale this Monday I am around 213 lbs. Not bad right? But here's the thing:
I started gaining weight in 5th grade.
By the time I was in 7th grade I already weighed 215 lbs.
By 9th grade I weighed 225 lbs.
Throughout high school I stayed around the 230's.
When I got to college I weighed around the 240's and 250's (at some point I weighed 260 lbs and the thinnest I remember recording was 245 lbs).
After that I stayed in the 250's.
Now what did the scale say this Monday? 213 lbs?
I am now thinner than I was when I was 13 years old.
I realized that being obese has been part of who I am since I was a kid. I Don't Know how to live another way.
Now you may ask, "Then why are you trying to lose weight if being big is part of your identity?"
Because the person I've been so far is someone I've HATED.
So although I'm scared of going somewhere I haven't been before at the same time I'm ready. I am willing to sacrifice this literal defense layer and move on with my life. Not just move on but fight and work my butt off (literally!) to become someone better.
I can do this!