Heellll Yeeeaahh~

1 mile in 14 minutes and 29 seconds.

Hell Yeeeaah~ *nods in a self satisfied tone while listening to The White Stripes*



That is all.

love,
-w0rld

Weigh In- New Records!!

Current Weight: 236 lbs (I have now officially lost 15 lbs. Finally!!)

Work Out Achievement(s): Today is the day for setting new records (I'm so excited!).

After two weeks of complete hell (The first week was filled with family tragedy and complete binging while the second week was filled with field work and super extensive hiking-especially for an emotionally and physically tired girl like me) I am completely thrilled that I still managed to lose weight despite this giant life obstacle I've just gone through.

However I think these times have been a HUGE eye opener for me and the way I've been living my life (I know I'm not making sense and there's something I'm not saying. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet so let's just say that two weekends ago something big happened to my family and I'm still processing.. so bear with my vagueness please) and it has given me new Spark (hehehe) to continue this Wellness journey I'm in.

Because of it I think I've been able to see A LOT of progress in my journey:
First: I went to the gym today and saw that I had finally reached the 15lbs mark. I was thrilled!!
Second: I measured myself this weekend and found out that I had lost 3 inches in my waist/hip/love handle area and that was a happy shocker!!
Third: I FINALLY decided to cut my hair after years of torturing myself and telling myself not to (it's this weird goal setting I was trying to do using negative methods. I finally decided to admit to myself it wasn't worth it or working and I cut it off!) So I am also three inches shorter in the hair area. Woop!


Do you like my new look? Because I feel great!

Fourth: When I went to the gym today I again tried out my techno mixes for 30 minutes on the elliptical.. and sweated like a pig. Not only that but I immediately moved to the treadmill and ended up jogging for another 20 minutes and this is where my happiest new record comes in:

Fifth: I was able to jog over 4mph and complete 1 mile in 15min & 5seconds! This is HUGE for me! Until now I have been able to go up to 4mph in small sprints, not able to keep it up at all.
Now I was able to continue a 4.5mph jog and not only that but do a 5mph sprint. I was so ecstatic you have no idea!

By the end of the work out I was incredibly sweaty, red and tired. I knew I had REALLY worked out today.

Over all I can see the difference in my body and my mind. I look a little better, feel tons better and I believe that putting those together is a huge step in to Being Better. And I'm alright with that. LOL

Goal(s): Like always, food is where I need to work harder. Like those red-shirted-trainers tell me "Diet is 80% of the game" and I've been trying. It really does help a ton to live my life in a tent, mainly to gain endurance from the elements but also with budgeting and working harder in what goes in my mouth.
I need to work harder in finding out what foods I could eat that fill me up, taste great, and have the lowest calories possible.

Today (after the gym) I went to my local Wal Mart super center to look for new swimming goggles so I can finally jump back in the pool comfortably. I then remembered that someone had told me that the Super Center Wal Marts were the only places I could find one of my favorite breads: Pumpernickel.

I decide to go over to the bakery section. Looked around for the darkest looking loaf in the bunch and what do I find?

Pumpernickel!!


I had been looking for this bread for a year and never found it. I finally stop crazily searching for it and there it is! This bread is amazing. Has a strong rich smell to match a strong rich taste. I instantly bought it (with a couple of other random things) ran home and made myself a turkey sandwich with my yummy bread for brunch.



This sandwich is turkey breast slices, monterey jack cheese, light mayo and romane lettuce, with of course pumpernickel bread. Yumm, Yumm, Yumm.

My goal at the time was to sit back, relax, and enjoy my sandwich.

My goal for the end of April is to lose one or two more pounds so I can be well in my way to reaching the 220's by May!

Wish me luck and have a delicious day!

love
-w0rld

Facing the Mirror

So this week I've been working a small job in a city literally on-the-other-side-of-the-mountains and about an hour away from my house. I could have simply commuted from my house to the site but I voted to screw my bank accounts and stay in a Motel for the couple of nights I would be there simply to gain one thing I don't encounter very often:
Privacy.

Living in a house with 7 family members and camping in the desert with co-workers has it's own benefits but sometimes a person needs the peace and quiet of complete privacy.

These times are also great for self reflection and to open up to yourself over topics someone (or atleast me) is self conscious about. And after reading this post from one of my favorite blogs Losin' It I decided this would be a good time to have a tough battle; a battle where I never win but always gain some sort of new knowledge, Facing the mirror.



That dreaded mirror. It's not like I haven't seen myself in a mirror. Or have stood in front of a mirror before but I decided to REALLY look this time.

I stripped down to the bare essentials (that's underwear), turned the light on, put my hands on my hips and looked. I REALLY looked.

Of course the second I started doing that automatically all my negative (and well rehearsed) thoughts started popping in to my head.
"Oh god how disgusting."
"Oh god my skin what have I done!"
"Uggh look at that flab. Look at those marks, look at those scars!"

and the ever popular;
"What have I done to myself?!?" AND
"You are the ugliest thing I have ever seen."

I allowed myself to have these negative thoughts and I started noticing my slumped posture, how my face gradually started making a grimaced expression, even how my hair seemed flat and dull.

and then I stopped. And forced myself to inhale deeply and stand up taller.
Straighten my back, fix my posture. I placed my feet strongly and kept my hands on hips and forced myself to think:

"You look good."

It was hard but I decided to force myself to look at the difference when my body was standing tall. How I suddenly had the beginnings of a figure. How my legs are well formed and how you can easily see how strong they were. How my skin was soft and how the natural ringlets in my hair made perfect swirls.

I stared at my sunburnt face and remembered that I've always loved my eyes and my big eyebrows (I have never really thought about making them thinner. I love how despite them being big they worked well with my face) and then I looked at my mouth and knew that I had to smile.

Let's back up a second and let me tell you a lil story;

Once upon a time there was this little girl about 12 or so. She hadn't been the most popular girl in school from that point (far from it) and by this time she had been slowly gaining weight for a few years and was now known as the 'fat girl'. This girl was NOT happy. This girl almost never smiled. This girl believed she was misunderstood and spent time talking down to herself like it was going out of style.

After years of this one day (I don't remember exactly what the trigger was but it was honestly almost like a transformation over night)she finally decided that being quiet, not talking or socializing with people, wasn't working. She realized that the best way to get her parents off her back was to simply do what she had to do to make friends.

This little girl stood infront of a mirror and attempted to smile.

It HURT!

Her face hadn't stretched that much in years! This shocked her. How could she have gotten as bad as having her face hurt when she tried to smile?? So she stood in front of that mirror and did it again. And again.. and again until it didn't hurt anymore.

Then she played with it. Big smile. Little smile. Grin. Side smile. She was trying to find something that would work. But it wasn't. None of the smiles were working because none of the smiles were genuine. So she thought of something happy. Something that would make her laugh.
When she did that she noticed that as she was thinking her face would gleam up and her lips would slooooowwly start turning up; gradually until her lips were pulled back and all her teeth showed.
She realized it was the gleam in the eye that did the trick. The teeth and the gleam. So she practiced again. Slowly grin, keep that gleam, until you smiled.

And there it was!! Elina's smiling face!

That's the one

Her face TRANSFORMED! It was literally like magic!

So now that we're back in the present and looking at a mirror again I new I had to smile. It wasn't that hard this time. I've had years and years of practice, up to the point of professionalism. I stood there, still in my undies, with my hands still at my hips.. and I slowly started to grin, grin turns to little smile little smile turns to big smile. *cheeeeeese*
I did it again, and again until it became genuine.

I was smiling at myself.
And again it was like MAGIC! I was looking at a young woman. A tall standing young woman with beautiful eyes and awesome hair. A young woman with a bright smile and great legs. A young woman who had a long way to go but couldn't ignore the curves.

I was looking at the real me. The confident me. The great me. and then I repeated the same phrase.

"You look good." and I believed it.

For that one moment I believed it.

After that I simply gave a quick chuckle and moved on. Put some comfy clothes on and watched Glee.

But it was there. The moment was there. I could see the person inside of me that needed to come out. And she will you guys.

She will.

love,
-w0rld

My "Julie & Julia" Post

So last night I watched the movie "Julie and Julia"


and I surprisingly fell in love with it. (I usually write my own reviews and etc on films.. but that's another blog not this one so I won't go there ..lol)

That movie somehow inspired this post.

I woke up this morning in love with food again. And although I had somewhat of an urge to learn to cook again I was still way too sleepy and out of it to actually put on an apron and turn on the stove.

Instead I decided I wanted a snack. I decide I want to eat sliced bananas with peanut butter. (Yumm stuff. You should try it.) The problem with that was that there was only half a banana left in the house and no peanut butter anywhere I could find. So I slice up that half banana and find an open bag of milk chocolate chips. I add about ten chips.

Suddenly I remember I DO have peanut butter. It's in my car. (Remember I just came back from an almost month of living in my car so yes, I have peanut butter there. I also have razors, tea, and a tent in there.. but anyway)

I run to my car and come back with a giant jar of Extra Crunchy peanut butter.

I put a nice big healthy spoonful of peanut butter then stare at my bowl:

The peanut butter is cold and the choc. chips are too hard. So I shrug and put it all in the microwave for 30 seconds.

As you may know (or not since I didn't know until after I pulled my bowl out) banana turns mushy and excretes liquid when warmed up. My snack was ruined! Or so I thought.

As I pout at my ruined meal I grab a fork and start mixing it all together.. hoping that by mixing it maybe all will be well.

I turn out to have a chocolatey mushy mess with little pieces of peanut butter all over it.

I taste it.

I LOVE IT!

I suddenly realize that I've unintentionally made a chocolate-peanutbutter-banana warm spread!

I instantly grab a wheat bagel and spread my new invention all over it.

I start to eat and marvel at the goodness I've made.

Halfway through my delicious snack I realize that this must be how cooks, chefs and people like Julia Child felt when they created something amazing (I may be exagerating but I believed I was going through an epiphany so stay with me) and decided that I HAD to blog about this! LOL~

Here is my concoction:



Now if you love reeses peanut butter cups and the general mix of chocolate with peanut butter AND you love bananas, you will LOVE this.

Now how healthy is this? Not too sure. Probably not as healthy as it should be. But I still believe this is better than eating a Reeses.. or Nutella maybe.. plus you make it yourself so you can determine how much of each ingredient goes with it.

This is my simple discovery/invention. That someone might have made it before me: very probable. That they had as much enthusiasm as I do now: maybe. The fact that I'll make it again and enjoy it just as much as I did this time: guaranteed!

So go on my friends and try new things. Who knows what we'll discover!!

love
-w0rld

Weigh In

Current Weight: 238 lbs ( I made it to the 230's. Yay!)

Work Out Achievement(s): So I was still working last week until Friday. I came home that night and I chilled out on Saturday. On Sunday I went to the gym because I noticed that the second I was home I started pigging out again. Being home is such a bad influence. All I ate were chocolate chip waffles and quesadillas, and fried chicken and fries.. bad bad bad..

So I went to the gym on Sunday and I asked an available trainer to take my BMI again. However he told me that the machine they have had been stolen from the managers desk and that he could take my Body Fat Percentage but he would have to do it the old fashion way: with pincers that grab my fat from my arms and love handles, add them together and look at a chart.

So there I was, lifting my shirt infront of the freaken gym and having this tall man in a red collared shirt squeeze my flab with pincers (like the ones they used to measure brains back in the day? You remember? Yeah like that)

Yeah.. I admit it was a little awkward but not awkward enough for me NOT to do it.


and concluded that I was around 43.2% body fat.. That wasn't good news since I knew the other machine was more accurate (i.m.o) and of course I had a smaller number before. So I reject those results and decided I was going to go to another gym and ask to see if they have the BMI machine so I can get a more accurate number..

It's not crucial to have that number but I would like to continue trailing it since I started a couple of months ago.

Anyway I also got to talk to this different trainer (Joe the manager wasn't there that day) and I got similar questions and advice; "You should be losing more weight after 4 months of going to the gym if you're going 5 or more times a week... Yes diet is 70% of the game, I'd say 80%... You should focus more on cardio and when you work on weights do a lot of repitions and don't take too long breaks in between sets, keep your body sweating and your heart rate up... Since you can't afford a personal trainer if you see me around and I'm not busy go ahead and come up to me if you have questions.."

All this info I've received before, but it was the attitude behind them that made me happy.
This trainer wasn't looking at me disappointed-ly.
This trainer wasn't trying to sell me anything everytime he opened his mouth.
This trainer genuinly smiled at me when he spoke to me (believe me I can tell when smiles are real and fake. I know the power behind smiles and I'm the master at genuine smiles and don't you forget it!)
So it felt a lot nicer to be talking to this man instead of Joe.

I worked out listening to my techno mixes again and again I was dying on the elliptical machine. Which is a good thing.

Today I went again and took it light on the cardio and worked on my arms and inner tighs. My tighs need work and maybe it's just me but I've noticed a change in them.

I've noticed other changes as well. I've lost an inch around my hips, waist and chest.. which means I still have the same body shape but it's all slightly smaller regardless (woop!)

I have more energy and I've woken up more than once with the urge to go jogging. I still haven't actually done it(that is gotten up in the morning put on my tennis shoes and gone jogging around the neighborhood) but I think I'm getting closer to it. LOL

Current Goal(s): I need to stop eating junk at home. I'm going to be camping in the desert again next week and I need to make a menu of food I should be taking with me. I'm thinking chicken and pastas and a lot of fruit should be good.. mmmm.. some cheese and minimal breads. I'm trying to work on my breads intake. I still eat way too much bread. (But it's sooo good!!) lol

Other than that since I'm home this week (well until Wednesday then I'll be doing a quick project somewhere else) I need to go to the gym daily. I'm paying for it right? I better use it.

lol

that's all for now. I'm super thrilled to be in the 230's. I'm going to work my hardest to get in the 220's by sometime in May-June. Wish me luck! I feel a ray of sun is following me wherever I go!!

love
-w0rld

I bought The Spark!

So I'm back home and 20 minutes after I park by my house and go inside my little sister convinces me to take her to the mall.

I know she's going to spend an hour in Hot Topic going back and forth and ends only buying one shirt.. so I tell her that I'll be in the Barnes n Nobles and she can find me in the cafe section.

I walk around for a second after I leave her and I find a copy of The Spark

The Spark is the book created by the CEO and founder of sparkpeople.com

It had been advertised all January (where most people start their weight loss New Year Resolutions) it was on sale for a while but I refused to buy it at the time.. Telling myself I didn't need it and that I was already a member of SparkPeople and didn't need an extra book.

So anyway I decided to take a look at the book while I waited for my little sister. Since the last time I weighed myself I had gotten more motivation to keep going. But I was feeling a little off that day; one because I was tired and two because I had just been looking at the latest pictures of myself since I had gone flying in a small plane with a coworker. I could see the progress I had made in my image but I still wasn't happy at the person I was looking at. It was a slap in the face telling me that yes, I'm still fat and yes I still have a long way to go


This is the image I'm talking about. I do look better but I'm still no where near where I want to be.

So once I started reading the Introduction and the SparkGuy's personal story, I felt inspired again. The story moved me like few things ever do and I kept reading it until suddenly my sister was suddenly infront of me.

I stared at the cover and stared at my sister. The book was no longer on sale. My bank accts were at an all time low yet I needed this book. I needed to feel inspired again.

I looked at my sister one more time and closed my eyes, got up and said, "C'mon let's go. If I don't buy it now I'll never buy it and I want this book. Let's go before I change my mind."

And I did. Now I have the book and I WILL use it to help me.

I will get better. I have goals and they're specific and realistic. I will get better. I'm doing fine.

The Spark will help me get there.

-w0rld

Weigh In

Ok so I only have a few minutes in this public computer so this will be a quick post!

Current Weight: 242 lbs (we're FINALLY getting somewhere!)

Work Out Achievement(s): So I'm working in the field like I've mentioned before and a coworker and I actually brought out the calculator to check out exactly how far we walk everyday..

It turns out that I currently walk about 6.1 miles a day.. a little more if you count the little things (walking an extra quarter of a section to get back to the car.. hiking around to get cell service... going to your favorite tree to answer the call of nature.. that sort of stuff). So I'm sure all that cardio is helping me out a bit.

I also don't have a lot of money so I've been spending a lot of my meal times in my room.. not too good for socializing but pretty good for the wallet and the food intake.. I HAVE to eat less because I don't have a lot to begin with.. that works I suppose.

I've been pretty good about the no juices still.. though I have had a couple of capri-suns and some sips of Gatorade.. though I don't count Gatorade as being a break in the rule because goddammit I need some electrolytes!! LOL

something like that.. yeah...

Other than that today ended up being a day off.. It started to rain and the temperature was too cold to work (Yes.. the desert is cold! and Freaken windy as hell.. don't be fooled.. ) so I decided to drive 30 miles to the nearest 24 hour fitness so I wouldn't be lazy and not work out..

It felt so FANTASTIC.. I hadn't been in a gym since March 20th and I literally felt angsty.. I have a new mp3 player too and having my awesome Techno music intensified my work like you can't believe.. I really felt tired at the end of it.. It felt good~

Goal(s): I was really happy to see the number on the scale today when I went to the gym. It gave me new energy to continue working on it, "If I work hard at it I can lose those extra 3 lbs and be in the 230's! I can do this!!" and so I'm not giving up..

After this week it looks like I might have a bit more access to a gym so I'm going to try to use it as much as possible..

I'm busy as hell in the desert and will continue to be busy until the end of May.. then my work in Nevada starts.. that'll probably a combination of desert and grass plains so we'll see..

No more juice.. eat more fish, eat less cheese.. and be happy.. those are my goals!

Let's do this!

Now I'm off before this comp cuts me off!

love
-w0rld