Revelation

Ok so yesterday I wen to town to buy a ton of cleaning supplies and food for the week. Now that I was in civilization and had cell service and after my last post (which reading back on it I felt shame in my outburst over my co-worker. It wasn't their fault I was feeling moody and cranky and I apologize now though I doubt they'll ever read this post) I decided to shamelessly call my mom.

I mean c'mon, whether or not you want to admit it you too would want to contact mom (or equal person of importance in your life) to get some comfort.. and it beats comfort food too~ lol

I pretty much told her everything I had already posted and more and in the end I told her that I was now becoming obsessed in cleaning out the trailer to make me re-gain control over myself and stop being frustrated.

And then she said something that gave me a revelation. She laughed and said "Yeah, cleaning is a great de-stresser."

Simple sentence but I suddenly realized that all these odd feelings were stress!

Now this may be obvious to you but I have never been good at recognizing stress when I had it. College buddies would always marvel at my ability to stay cool during deadlines and a midterm or final crisis. The thing I kept trying to explain to them and to myself was simply that I didn't feel what all the crazyness was about. I felt fine.

This was always wrong though. I don't know when I'm stressed. Because I don't know I don't show it. I actually have to have a super vivid and scary nightmare about my teeth falling, rotting, melting, piercing and bleeding (and then wake up in a cold sweat feeling my mouth for loose teeth) to realize that I was stressed out.

So long story short my moms small comment suddenly put things in perspective. I have been feeling stressed out this week and that was affecting everything I was doing.

"No wonder." was my internal reply to all this.

Now.. what does this have to do with weight loss? A LOT. My energy levels were off. I was tired all the time. I actually have been so obsessed in cleaning the trailer that I have forgotten to eat (which is the opposite of over eating but still not good for my metabolism) and more than once since Wednesday I've had to stop myself and told myself to sit down and eat something... that wasn't just a spoonful of peanut butter!

At the same time I have to remind myself that this journey is a WELLNESS journey and that keeping myself sane and happy is just as important as dropping the pounds.

Quite a revelation isn't it?

That's why I love my mommmy~~ (I'm not ashamed of saying this. I would sing it at an assembly if I could sing. Don't be jealous that my mom is awesome.)

So I ended my conversation with her a few minutes afterwards since I was still feeling a little out of it and dizzy for being in a place with so many people at one spot.

(That's another thing that sometimes happens. I'm alone so long and isolated for periods of time that I become disoriented in a populated place, in this case the Super WalMart this small town has to offer for my shopping needs.)

I went back to the trailer after stealing wifi and posting some pics yesterday, realized I forgot to buy a scale in all my crazyness (damn!) and started cleaning.

I didn't stop until 9:30pm.. I had started my day at 7a.m.

Today after spending another 4 hours cleaning I decided to take a break.

I took a shower and read for a lil while. I bought myself a copy of 'Eat, Pray, Love'

and so far I'm loving it. It's definitely a story I need to read right now. It's made me so calm and forced me to step outside the trailer (which was a great decision since the weather is so nice right now).. too bad it's also making me crave Italian food like crazy..."mmm pasta... No! Bad Elina! Bad Elina!"

I honestly need to check up on the whole stress thing though. I still can't believe that I'm 24 years old and still can't recognize stress when it comes knocking on my window.. lol

I feel much better though. That's the point of this post.

Let's keep the optimism flowing!

love
-w0rld