Weigh In

Ok so now that I have a few minutes and I'm not rushing out the door to do something I can finally do a proper weigh in.

As I suspected here it is:

Current Weight: 214.4 lbs (+ 4.8 lbs)

A little scary. I knew  I'd gained weight with the amount of cake and over all food I ate (Thanksgiving week is also birthday week since 3 or 4 of my immediate family have birthdays in the same week. Crazy) but a 5 pound  gain? Even I admit that's absolutely ridiculous. Sigh* I'm sure I could blame some part of that on the T.O.M. but not enough to justify such a large gain.

I need to work harder this week. No excuses. This gain is too scary to ignore.

Work Out Achievement(s): Like I mentioned in my CDCC check in I didn't go out too much last week except for a 2 mile walk with my mother and some crazy dancing here and there. This morning I woke up sore from paint ball yesterday.

It was the first time I went paint balling and it was exciting. Although I wasn't very good (ok maybe I got out early most of the games) it just gave me motivation to want to do it again and work on technique and most of all aim. LOL.

However the squatting, running, ducking and etc assured that I had the sorest legs this morning. My front quads my glutes and my calves are sore. My left arm is also slightly sore from holding the gun. I have to work on my arm strength.
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This morning after my weigh in I had some time before my staff meeting so I went for a quick hike up one of our short but steep trails and took a moment taking in the gorgeous scenery as I planned my action for this week.
"Ok, now that I'm up here, alone and with time to think, what am I going to do about this gain?"
"Does this make me weak? Undisciplined?"
"What can I do to reverse the damage? What workouts can I do? What food should I avoid?"

Things like that.

That hike is really nice because if I try to go up at a relatively quick pace it gets my blood pumping quickly and the view at the end of the trail is very worth it.

Goal(s):
So besides continuing my water in take and etc I'm planning on working on strength training this week. Exercises I can do in between classes in my room for a few minutes and maybe bring out my pilates video this week should help, especially if I get lazy with the cold weather. I know this happens so I want to come up with a work out routine that can't leave any excuses.

That's all for now. I leave you with a picture of the paintball group yesterday. Fun times!

-w0rld

Super Quick CDCC Check In

Hello!

On my way to go to paint ball this morning! Woo! I've never done it before and I'm excited.

Here we go!

Current Weight: unknown!

I don't have access to my scale right now so I'll weigh in tomorrow.. Due to some over eating my guess is a gain. eeek!

Water. 2/7 days were great. I could have done better the rest of the week.

Book: I was home and spent the entire time reading the Hunger Games. Great trilogy. Not much insight in weight loss.

Exercise: I walked with my mom once this week. That was nice. I also danced the night away at least twice this week and that was awesome!

Support: Although a few people got some responses from me I spent a lot of time supporting my friend and my mom so real life support! And it felt amazing!

Ok gotta go.

Love,
-w0rld

Getting Emotional During the Holidays

I didn't want to post about this. I don't feel comfortable admitting how emotional I can usually be, and especially don't mention how I get during the holidays.

I consider getting emotional to be a personal weakness. But then I have to think about WHY I feel that way? Why are tears running down my face, when my life is going so well? Why, when the company I keep right now is so amazing?

I won't go in to detail about what issues I might have. But it does bring in a lot of things that, usually, overweight  people have.

~Bleh to frustrations~

These feelings bring back my insecurities. They bring back my low self-esteem full force. I feel unwanted, unattractive, annoying,worthless... You know, all that fun stuff. To the point that I start feeling depressed and sorry for myself. And then I feel angry because I'm acting like a silly pity-party child.

I don't usually talk to people about it unless I trust them completely. And if I do talk about it, it's usually things on the surface and I never let people in deep enough to the root of whatever problem I might have.

Because I consider these feelings to be a weakness I don't like to think about it or deal with it most of the time.

But then, of course the way I end up dealing with is what? You guessed it: Emotional Eating. 


... when in reality all I need is a hug. But I refuse to ask for one. Isn't that silly? Talk about being stubborn.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to go back to emotional eating. I think I've grown to the point where I'm very aware of how I get, when I get that way and my actions toward it.

I think having that self awareness can work as a tool to keep me from the fridge. Writing this down now; out in the open where the public can read it, is also helpful and in my opinion, can be considered progress.

Hopefully one day I won't feel this way anymore. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't want any sort of sympathy or pat on the back. I might need it. But I don't want it. Does that make sense?

Did I over eat today? No actually. I did fine. I even got more than enough liquids in. It was great. The day was gorgeous. The company was nice. My roommates are amazing. I love where I live. I love what I'm doing right now. I'm getting goals accomplished.

But I'm missing something major. Something I'm afraid to ask for. Something I refuse to word out because I'm ashamed to ask for it.

I will not let food comfort me tonight. Instead I'm here. Writing this post and refusing to indulge in the lovely smells from the kitchen.

I'll stay in my room. I'll read my book. I'll brush my teeth. I'll go to bed. I'll feel better tomorrow morning.

Goodnight all.

love
-w0rld

CDCC Check In

Happy weekend everyone!

I woke up this morning with a slight surprise from the scale. It's not much but it's more than I expected and I'll take it!

Current Weight: 209.6 lbs (-0.6 lbs)

Seeing as I was feeling bloated and I didn't get much exercise in I was happy to see results even if it wasn't much.

The only exercise I got was working my arms while belay-ing kids up our tower twice this week. I went on a hike once and ... that's about it.

As for water I did ok but I was definitely dehydrated more than 3 times this week. I scrounged through my car this weekend and found my 64 oz water bottle. Perfect timing! That thing is so useful and easy. All I have to do is finish that water bottle.. maybe twice and I'm set for the day.

This week I got a little crafty and I created a small poster with a list of the reasons why I'm on this weight loss journey. I'll take a picture of it this week. I posted it on my wall right across from my front door and right above my desk, so that I can see it every time I walk in to my room. Nice~

I've been looking over The Spark; not really reading it thoroughly but going through it to remind myself of good habits and give myself some motivation.


This morning I got a great treat and I went on a trail ride around the mountains surrounding my current home. This was the second time I got on a horse and I was able to survive and have a great time. Talk about an inner thigh work out! Riding a horse (or in my case a mule. LOL. ) takes some work even if the one exerting most of the energy is the animal. LOL

When I get a chance I'll take a picture of the couple of horses I've been on so far as well as the poster.

I'm going home this week and I will collect my red Christmas Challenge dress and try it on again. I haven't lost much weight but it would be a good reminder of why I'm in this challenge to have the dress with me rather than two hours away where I can forget.


Thank you for all your support. I'll spend some quality blogging time doing my part!

love
-w0rld

Reflections/Going home for Thanksgiving

It's that time of the season! Time to go home and celebrate a glutinous holiday. Am I ready?

I'm not sure really. But I did try something different this week. I (except for the days I was in charge of dinner) decided NOT to eat at the dining hall the entire week and instead eat my own food. You might think this was a wonderful idea.. and it could have been, but in reality I used it as an excuse to finish up all my packages of curry from Trader Joes, finish all my leftover veggies that were going bad and just finish everything before going home for the holidays. I honestly don't think I lost any weight this week (I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and assess the damage) but it proved that I CAN resist the greasy, thick and fake food from the kitchen.... for the most part.

And you know what? For the most part I feel good.

Now it's time for Thanksgiving. I'm going to be re-reading sections of Bethenny Frankels book about HOW to eat. It helped me A TON last year and I'm hoping to use that tool again this year.

I was having an insightful conversation with a friend of mine about really looking in to the reason why I haven't been able to lose weight this year. Physical limitations vs. psychological. The idea of unconsciously wanting to keep my weight in the fear that I'll lose my identity if I lose anymore. It's definitely possible.

I'm going to be working on that this week.. and although I can talk about these reflections in my CDCC check in tomorrow I wanted to give it its own post mainly because it's something worth noting.

Do I have the strength to resist food this holiday season? Can I finally push myself enough to get past my unconscious fears and return to ONEderland?

Do I have the strength and discipline?

The answer is yes, it's in there. Now do I have the drive to push myself to get there? That's the real question.

Good luck to all this week!

love
-w0rld

Super Late CDCC Check In!

I'm not going to go off about how much I hate my internet right now, but let's just say I really hate my internet right now.

I finally have a window of working wifi so let's do a quick update

Current Weight: 210.2 lbs (+2 lbs)

Yeah, I'm not too happy that the little I lost came back again. I really got an eye opener this weekend and although it seems like I'm not doing much BECAUSE my wifi is gone I've actually been spending time doing some creative crafts I keep mentioning instead of procrastinating on facebook. LOL

Water was ok. I went on crazy hikes this weekend during the conference and I got to sweat (despite it raining all weekend)

My food was horrible. I ate three grilled sandwiches for lunch on Saturday and didn't stop there. In order to work on that I promised myself that I would NOT eat cafeteria food all week this week to see how that works.

I'm scanning the Spark right now for my book to help me create a couple of streaks.

I will take pictures of the cool project I made already .. when I have wifi! Gaahh!

Ok thanks for keeping me in this challenge. It was killing me that I couldn't update on Sunday or yesterday.

We'll meet again soon!

-w0rld

Absolute Technology Fail :(

I woke up Friday morning ready to do an early Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge update since I was going to a conference all weekend, to find that the internet was down. Hell.

The conference was in the mountains away from all technology, and so I decided to wait until Sunday evening to do a quick post when I got back to MY mountains.

When we got back I found out that the internet was STILL down and had been down all weekend. Short of taking my computer and driving 1 hour down the mountain I tried to call a friend to make a post for me (I don't have a smart phone, AND I do have crappy cell service) only to have my phone die on me.

Frustrations!

The internet finally came back on this morning. Too late I might add!

So I suppose I'm out of the challenge for missing the deadline. Absolutely horrible. I apologize. I'll update later tonight. The scale wasn't too happy with me either. Bleh

-w0rld

My First 5k!

I woke up yesterday morning at around 5 a.m. I wanted to get a quick walk/jog in before we even left the mountain to get my body moving and the juices flowing before race time.

It had snowed the night before (the first snow of the season!) and it was still pitch dark. I put on my layers and my new thick gloves on and started a power walk/trot. The stars were so gorgeous and the snow covered Jeffry pine trees looked so beautiful in the moon light I couldn't get over it. After a small loop around the horse pasture I came back and got ready for the race.

I told myself I was going to leave my bed hair for support.

My bed hair. Yes I know, it looks like my regular hair. Nice right? LOL

Eventually the house woke up and by 6:30 a.m. we were driving down the mountain and to Palm Springs. The race started at 8:00 a.m. at the high school track and went around the block. We got there with plenty of time and checked in. I got my number, my bag of goodies and a T-shirt. My co-workers and I all went for a quick warm up jog right before the race and I still wasn't nervous. I was sure I would make it to the finish line. I just didn't know how long it was going to take me.

My co-workers (minus 1) right before the race. The mountains where I live in the background.

We lined up and I gave my camera to our boss who came with to support us. Once the gun was shot we were off and three out of the 5 of us were out of my eyesight before I could blink. I quickly realized there was no way I was going to catch up to any one of them and settled to my pace. 

I can't remember exactly what song I had in my head but eventually I tried to keep time with a runner in front of me and came up with a "1, 2, 3, 4" pace. 

Right around the 1 mile mark when I was finally getting a good pace going. :)

Soon that person slowed down and I passed them. By the time I'd finished the first major loop I suddenly realized I was repeating a mantra the whole time-Elina style;

"You-can-do-it. Oh-yeah. You-can-do-it. Al-right." Repeat. LOL

My pace picked up a little bit by the end and I finally passed the person I had been following for most of the race. In the last tiny stretch I gunned it and sprinted like CRAZY to the finish line.

Gunning it. The guy with the mic at the finish line even commented on it. "Whoa! Look at her go!" He he.

I finished the 5k race at 35 minutes 18 seconds. My best time EVER!

The whole way I had support. Our boss (who took all these pictures) met us at different intervals in the race and was able to catch a lot of our moments. By the time I got to the finish line my other co-workers were also at different ends of the track cheering me on and I never felt so grateful for support in my entire life. It was AWESOME~

The entire Pathfinder crew. My boss is the guy with the skirt. Gotta love it!

I finished the race, hugged everybody and posed for pictures. I was already ecstatic with my timing and finding out that one of my co-workers actually got 2nd out of ALL the racers. But it got better. I soon found out that in our age division not only did the two guys in my crew win 1st and 2nd place but us three girls won 1st, 2nd and 3rd (I was third.)!

So not only did we have a great time but we all got medals!

                                  

Over all it was one of the best experiences. I'm mainly excited about my time and I KNOW I can do better than that. I admit my eyes peeled in surprise at the timer as I zoomed by. I couldn't believe the time. 

It was great. I will always remember the 5th of November, 2011 

"Remember, remember the 5th of November..."

LOL

Have a great week every one!

love

-w0rld

CDCC Check In

Good Morning!

Another week is over and it's time to check in. I had a pretty good week and I'm happy to report that the scale finally decided to agree with me a little bit.

Current Weight: 208.0 (-2.8 lbs from last week)

It helped that last week was pretty eventful at work as well as doing a few runs before the race yesterday morning.

On Tuesday I think, I went for a 2 mile jog in the early morning. I worked on my pace and my breathing. I was happy I went out in the morning before class, since I had been convincing myself I didn't have enough time before classes started to get a jog in. I proved myself wrong that morning.. and it felt great!

The rest of the week I was actually working my arms like crazy because I had two straight days of belay-ing (working the safety rope when students climbed one of our climbing walls--and then lowered them when they got to the top). The week had awesome weather until Friday when it decided to rain. That day was our final all-school hike. We walked 80+ kids up one of our trails with cold weather, biting wind and enough constant precipitation to keep everyone wet and/or soaked. I took refuge with one of my co-workers who, while hiking at an even pace, would start at the end of the line and work his way to the front. Once he got to the front he would hike ahead, stop, wait for the entire line to pass and do it again. He must have hiked up and down that line 12 times. I joined for 5 of those times. In other words I hiked that trail plus 5 in order to keep myself going as well as the kids.

And of course on Saturday I had my first 5k. I will be posting updates on the race in the next entry.

All I'll say for now is that it went fantastic and I really enjoyed it. That I was the last one in my group of co-workers didn't bother me. I went above and beyond what I thought I could and that's what matters.
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For water intake I did pretty well most of the week though I admit a couple of days with my busy schedule, the cold weather and laziness to find my water bottle, left me pretty dehydrated.

I said I would look up the paleo websites someone gave me a couple of weeks ago and I STILL haven't done it. I'm starting to outline a collage I want to make with all my goals in them. I want to have something creative and time consuming that will remind me of why I'm doing this. Last year I was so focused and this year my focus has been off. It's evident in my lack of weight loss all year but I wouldn't say this year has been a waste. On the contrary I've grown a lot and learned a ton about myself, my career and my health.

But we'll get to that.

I want to continue thanking everyone that has been supporting me. The few comments I received on my last, nervous post before the 5k (either here on Blogger or on FB) helped tremendously. I will do my best this week to return the favor to my fellow Challengers.

Thank you!

<3
-w0rld

My first 5k race is tomorrow morning...

My first 5k race is tomorrow morning ...

and I don't feel prepared.

I know I'll probably make it in around 45 minutes.
I know I can make it without an mp3 player since I've been running without one for the last couple of weeks.
I know the route (through looking at a map) and I know that I'll be in flat, paved ground, which should be easy.
I know that I've been running in 4,500 ft elevation so far and the race will be closer to sea level; which means I'll have more air to work with.
I know I'll wake up early enough to take care of business (i.e. bathroom, stretching and other lil things)
I know I could probably push myself but I also know I can keep a pretty even pace the whole way.
I know I'm running this race with awesome co-workers that will meet me at the finish line.
I know the weather is supposed to be 67 degrees Fahrenheit and sunny.
I know I can do this...

...but I'm still anxious. I'm nervous. I'm worried that I DON'T have butterflies right now. Does that make any sense?

I took a shower tonight and I'm wearing comfy clothes. I'll be going to sleep soon to be up early tomorrow.

All will be well. Right?

Wish me luck!

love

-w0rld