It's a new month! I can't believe February is over. I admit last month was one of the hardest to stay up and motivated. The weather, injuries, laziness, and everything else really put up a fight.
I'm trying to find my rhythm again. But for now we have results so here goes.
March Weigh In: 218.4 lbs (-1 lbs)
One pound. One measly pound is the result I had for the month of February. You may think that this is nothing. That I simply maintained and didn't try my hardest. For me it just means that I didn't give up despite struggling. That although I wasn't as active or diet conscious as I could have been I was still able to lose SOMETHING.
After spending over two years trying to lose weight and using this blog to help me I'm learning that it is not as easy as it first seemed. Just control your food in take and stay active. Calories in vs. calories out. That's it right? It isn't.
In reality when I get to the technical parts of it yes, being more active and burning more calories than I consume is the formula. But learning what foods are better for me, learning how to not resort to food when I'm stressed or emotional, learning that just being active doesn't help when I don't mix it up or I don't enjoy the activity... all these facts are things I'm learning more and more as I continue my journey.
I remember a blogger a while ago stated she wasn't the type of person that can just decide to stick to a program and steadily lose weight. That they were the type to yo-yo up and down and that they accepted that about themselves. I'm realizing more and more that I have a loooong way to go to reach my goal weight. Not because I CAN'T lose the weight but because I have a lot of other things I need to work on. Things like:
I need to work on my self-discipline when it comes to food.
I need to learn that food is going to be there later.
I need to learn about portion control and to choose what foods to eat and what foods to say no to.
With exercise I need to learn to commit to something that makes me happy. I can't force myself to do an activity I don't enjoy.
I need to learn to stop giving excuses in my life and simply just do it. It's a never ending inward struggle.
I need to learn to stop comparing myself to others. This is a BIG one. I currently live in a house of very active people. It's awesome but it also doesn't help because they have the ability to be more lenient with their food, eat the same amount of food I do and not have the same consequences. I can't act or eat like they do because my body is very different from theirs.
I realized I need to start spending more time giving my full attention to my food. Yesterday morning I made a great breakfast and spent time cooking it. After I actually sat down with pen and paper, looked through every nutrition fact and did the calorie counting by hand. It's easy to just go to a computer program and guesstimate kind of what I ate and substitute one thing for another because "it's the same shit right?" So I went in and added, subtracted, multiplied and divided until I got the most accurate account for my big breakfast. How much was it? It was 853 calories. That's right, 853 calories. I of course wasn't hungry until 3 or 4pm later that day but that number was amazing.
I just have to keep going. Just keep going. Work on getting better and make each day count. Waiting to do things "tomorrow" add up and before I know it I've lost a month here and 12 days there. That goes for this blog as well. I have so many ideas for entries for this blog but before I know it the week has passed and it's Monday again.
I refuse to give up! I deserve better than a gluttonous life!
At the same time I'm also guilty of waiting "until I lose the weight" to do things.
"I'll wear pretty clothes when I'll look nicer."
"I'll date when I'm not so hideous looking."
"I'll party when I can fit in to those pants."
"I'll go on a big adventure when I'm better."
"I don't want them to see me until I'm lighter."
By the rate of it I'll never live my life if I wait. I'll never gain confidence if my life depends on the scale or what I ate the day before. I'm soo tired of being afraid, of being self-conscious, of low self-esteem, of worrying about what others think or how I look next to others. I don't want to have my weight be a factor when I'm looking for a job or meeting someone new. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I want this journey to be fun. It's meant to be enlightening, challenging, and rewarding. I don't want to spend my time dreading or worrying or wondering if I'll ever make it. I'm trying to find my niche. I'm trying to find what works for me. This is a life change. It'll take time before I get it right. I'm willing to invest the time.
I'll post again in a couple of days.