I've been feeling a little guilty.
I haven't been paying enough attention to this blog, or more I've been postponing updating this blog on time mainly because I haven't been doing my best on my goal to wellness..
So in order to stop this downward spiral I came up with the conclusion that I have to fess up.
I haven't been dieting.
My sister keeps making brownies and I keep eating them.
I have skipped jotting down my food intake in SP for the last couple of days.
I stopped writing in my food journal.
Twice in the last couple of weeks I skipped the gym (though I made up for it once by doing the Zumba vid and the other by going to the gym on Saturday, which is the day I usually skip)
Twice I weighed myself and the result was near the 255's and up.. I decided to wait another day to see if my weight fluxuated down. When it did (thankfully) I used the lowest weight in my weigh in rather than the one I took on Monday.
I didn't get to go to any classes this week because I either didn't wake up or had to go to the court, mom's doctors appt, cousins oral surgery seminar (where my aunt asked me to be her translator) and etc...
All these things I'm not proud of.. I started worrying that if I continued to go down this road.. and lie about it, or avoid the issue things would become worse. I would give up. I would waste my membership by not going. I would binge eat and gain another 20 lbs.
Simply thinking about the people I promised and the things I had completed so far I felt guilty. This cycle was very familiar and I hated thinking that I was going to give up all over again and that this time was going to simply join the list of every other time I started something and gave up halfway.
I realized that I was mad at myself for not losing any weight (and actually gaining weight instead). Little by little I'm realizing how hard this is going to be and exactly how much comfort I'm going to have to leave behind in order to get where I need to be. Which is 70-100 lbs lighter, with a smile on my face and hiking a trail on Mt. Diablo. LOL
So I'm fessing up. And I've also decided to do something drastic (for me) to encourage me to keep going.
What is this drastic thing that seems so dramatic???
I told my mom.