It's probably the reason why my Weigh In this Monday was so short. I couldn't put what I was really
But it's still here days later. Little things really. Crying over movies. Getting shocked up when I think of family. Noticing the flowers on the road. Realizing this is my last week in the desert.
Oh, btw this is my last week in the desert aka the middle-of-nowhere.
I think it mainly had to do with a late reaction to last weekend, (being the one year anniversary of my grandfathers death and my family going over to a small family reunion on Sunday to commemorate it.)
But I'm also starting to re-read a book that brings back memories of the first few years I started getting symptoms of PCOS and how traumatic (I'm not kidding it was absolutely horrible seeing all these bodily changes, that aren't supposed to happen, happening without any explanation. And doctor after doctor, after doctor giving me different diagnoses and medication but never actually explaining to me what it was that was going on. This stuff can really weigh a lot on an already-sensitive-about-herself overweight teenager) and getting sad, angry and well emotional about it as I read telling myself:
"If only I'd had this book years ago. If only I'd known what the hell was going on with me earlier it wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did. If only.. if only"
I've been trying to stay clear of the kitchen when I notice I'm getting these feelings. But I shouldn't worry, these emotions actually make me want to rampage the kitchen and throw away every piece of food in there.. healthy or not.
This isn't to say I'm going through a meltdown. I'm not. I'm very aware and conscious of what I'm doing. I'm exercising and eating right. I know why I'm doing it. I Want to do it. I feel great. I'm actually in a good mood. Just pensive I suppose. Overall I'm doing fine.
I guess I'm just being "a girl" whatever that means. And I guess I just needed to acknowledge it and write it down. So here it is.
Happy Wednesday.
-w0rld
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