Just got back!

I just came back from a most epic Catalina adventure! Will post all the details and pics soon! (hint: My knees are killing me but I'm SUPER Happy!) Have a great early start to your weekend!!

love
-w0rld

Weigh In: What is it that I'm doing?

Before I start. Here it is.

Current Weight: 200.6 (+3.4 lbs from last week. Sigh*)

Work Out Achievement(s): I woke up this morning in a great mood. I was worried about my weigh in but I was hopeful. When I read the scale my lights dimmed. The first thing in my head was "Can I blame this on that time of the month??" After vetoing that idea I took a second to stop and think.

Why do I over eat? What feelings am I trying to squash down? Why, after having a great loss did I "reward" myself by eating? Why did I keep eating when I knew I wasn't hungry? Why do I sabotage my weight loss efforts... and then complain that I'm not losing any weight?

I knew, KNEW that I was going to gain weight. And yet I always marvel at HOW MUCH weight I can gain in a few days. It's like I conduct experiments with myself to see how much I can get away with.

"I wonder if I can still lose weight if I eat this cookie and then go jogging later."

or

"Let's see, if I eat a huge bag of trail mix and then do a huge hike. Will I still lose, or at least maintain? Let's find out!"

I am NOT kidding. I guess after all this time I'm still trying to figure out how to 'cheat the system' or find out what the bare minimum I have to do is and still get results.

It's a bit sad isn't it? I don't want to give up the foods I love. And I know that people have told me that I don't have to give up foods I like, just learn portion control etc etc. But in all honesty that doesn't work for me. If I have my favorite food around I want to eat it.

Once I have a bite I want more. Learning to discipline myself is hard. I'd rather not have the food around at all. But then of course when I'm craving something like crazy I end up binging on everything else around me to compensate. It's all a balancing act I guess.

This is a hard battle. I now understand what people meant when they said losing weight was hard, and that the first 30 lbs are easy to lose.

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Anyway it's safe to say my day did not start well. However I had a great day at work and that lifted my spirits. I caught a reflection of myself when I was walking past a store front window and I didn't see a fat girl. Instead I saw a healthy girl who needs to lose a few pounds.

I get a lot of time to people watch in my current job and I can see every type of body. From young and strapping, to skinny wraith, to plumpy, curvy, saggy, kiddy, and of course round and obese.

I saw a girl today that was the spitting image of what I used to look like 50 lbs ago. Down to the lazy pony tail and bad posture. Gorgeous woman believe me. She had a 'pretty face' ( <--- the dreaded backwards compliment I hated receiving constantly)and some rocking legs. But I looked at her and I saw what I absolutely REFUSE to go back to being. Large, unhappy yet pretending to be happy. Unhealthy and feeling like shit inside, except you don't know you feel like shit because you haven't felt anything else but that way. I am NOT that girl anymore.

I now know what it feels like to have an accomplishing post work out glow. I now know what it feels like to be "in shape" (for the most part). I now know that I have it in me to become healthier; without pills, diets, surgeries, or a gym membership even.

The thing I have to battle is my addiction to food. My relationship with food. I have focused most of my efforts, and most of this blog to learning how to become active. I have spent very little time worrying about and dealing with food.

The way I handle it is by eating what I want and killing myself with hard work outs to compensate. There is going to be a point where hiking 10 miles a day and swimming for hours just because I want to eat pizza, is not going to cut it anymore.

I need to become responsible for my own actions. I need a food goal streak.

(btw. I hiked 5 miles two days ago, including two miles of sprinting up and down steep slopes. It was awesome and I can't believe I ran up those rolling hills. That's my actual work out achievement. LOL)

Goal(s): This week is going to be about focusing on food. I am going to start reading up more on the Paleo diet but for now I'm going to try a loose paleo menu. I am going to focus on eating mostly unprocessed food. I'm going to work on eating fruit, vegetables and meat and seriously limit my intake of grains, cheeses and other processed foods.

In other words, if I can't find most of the ingredients from a nutrition label in a pantry or garden, I'm not going to eat it.

I will be eating this way for 10 days. Today was day one. We'll see.

Wish me luck! I'll check in in a couple of days!

love
-w0rld

When you know you're gone weight loss crazy:

1. Feeling guilty over eating cheese fries at 1 a.m.
2. Compensating eating cheese fries by going for a walk at 1:30 a.m.
3. Feeling restless and scared of the scale over what you ate 4 days ago.
4. Using that restlessness by suddenly walking out of the house at 9:30p.m. to go "for a short walk."
5. End up walking dark streets with your headphones on.
6. Stopping in a parking lot to bust a move..or two
7. ..or three.. or four
8. Not feeling like you did enough so doing some push ups too.
9. Jogging back up the dark streets with only the stars guiding your way.
10. Coming back in and reading blog entries.
11. Feeling inadequate after reading about blogger awesomeness so you down a ton of water and wash dishes.
12. You take a shower and force yourself to bed before you decide to do pilates on the floor at 10:30p.m.

It happens.

love
-w0rld

How Things Have and Haven't Changed

I went home for a couple of days this week. It ended up being a well needed break from island life, a chance to chill with my family, and a fantastic opportunity to get errands done.

This morning, after a day of binge eating (yes I admit. I completely over ate on Wednesday) I put on my old running shoes (my new ones were left behind on the island) and went for a jog along the old route I used to take my dog (RIP Lucky). The route is a total of +2.5 miles roundtrip. Maybe closer to three miles.

I remember that the route used to be a bit of a challenge because the way out was a slow incline the whole way. When I would finally reach the end I'd be tired and sweaty.

Today's run was a cinch. I got up there with hardly any effort and once I got to the top I didn't know what to do with myself. I literally said "That's it?"

So after standing around for about a minute I just turned around and headed back. Easiest jog I've done in a while.

It's amazing how things change. How things that were once hard and extreme are now a walk in the park.

Of course that nice jog came with a price. I had decided to wear shorts (I NEVER wear shorts) and a sleeveless shirt (I NEVER wear sleeveless shirts in public) as my workout outfit, thinking "Hey it's summer, and no one knows me anymore. I'll wear what I want."

However, what I didn't anticipate was that my shorts kept riding up my inner thighs the whole time I was jogging. In order to not stop and pull my shorts down every minute I started doing this weird leg movement to get my shorts to behave and lo and behold I misstep-ed, lost my balance and fell.

BAM. I scraped my hands and my left knee. The same knee that got hit the last time I tripped and fell.

It pretty much reminded me how much things HAVEN'T changed on this journey. I'm still a klutz. I'm still lazy and I still binge when I'm home.

BUT:
I never quit just because of a few scrapes. (I brushed myself off and kept jogging of course)
I like to think of myself as a "recovering procrastinator."
and I'm learning to control my urges, one day at a time.

Today was a good reminder day. My knee definitely doesn't let me forget. Over all it was a great day.

I'm back on the island now. Back on track. Back on top!

Have a great week everyone!

-w0rld

Weigh In: Pumping It!

Happy early morning Monday (at least early for me *yawn*). I woke up this morning and kept turning around to go back to sleep. However my weigh in anticipation couldn't wait. So I got up, almost killed myself stepping down from the ridiculously tall top bunk bed, waddled over to the restroom and weighed in.

Here it is.

Current Weight: 197.2 lbs (-5 lbs from last week) Woo!

Work Out Achievement(s): I was really hoping for a loss this week, especially since I hiked those long miles in the middle of the week and have been doing small hikes all weekend.

I haven't gone jogging since Monday and even that one turned in to a power walk/hike since I almost tripped and fell down a hill while attempting to jog this "easy" trail. Maybe I wimped out. But either way I survived and will hopefully bring out the running shoes this week.

Also, yesterday I tried kayaking for the first time! I didn't take any pictures during the trip
1. Because my camera isn't water proof and I didn't want to break it or lose it. And,
2. Because I was too busy figuring out how to turn the damn thing and go in the right direction I didn't have much time to take pictures anyway. LOL

It was an absolute blast regardless and in the end, when I got the hang of it I started really pumping it and gaining some speed. The fact that the return to the harbor was against the wind and I had to pump it might have had something to do with it but it was great. lol

Back from an awesome kayaking and snorkel trip. Tired but happy.

I stole this pic from the interwebs. This is an aerial view of Two Harbors, the small town on the west side of the island. This is where I went kayaking last night. Not too shabby eh? Oh and did I mention I live here for the summer? Awesomeness!!

In the end this week turned out to be very eventful and very athletic. I'm definitely feeling good.

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On another note I bought a book that another blogger mentioned/recommended. It's called You are your Own Gym by Mark Lauren

I've been contemplating (and I admit, complaining) for a while now about how I want to do more strength training but I want to do work outs that don't require any equipment, or a gym. Moving around every few months has made my 24 Hour Fitness membership useless and in reality I think it would be cool to learn work outs that you can do almost anywhere. (Like the grocery store, or the cinema. LOL just kidding). When I saw someone had found this book I instantly went to Amazon.com and bought it.

I just received it this week and I'm starting to read it. I'm so excited to start it! It would be great to get stronger, more agile and flexible. Having some nice looking arms and glutes won't hurt either.

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On the food front I've been seriously considering trying out going Paleo. Again, through my blog reading I've seen a few people who are doing the Paleo diet and I'm intrigued. Further in my readings I realized that a friend of mine had also "gone Paleo" so I asked him about it too.

Looking at the type of food you eat, what you don't and what the benefits can be, I really think this is the right move for me. The thought of giving up bread and dairy scare the sh&* out of me since they're my favorite foods, but they've also been my downfall. I'm sure I can be strong enough to change my eating habits. Plus, I like the idea of leaving processed food behind.

So to slowly wean myself toward the idea I've been cooking and preparing food that are mostly protein and fruits and veggies. I think that it's already helping me (as evidence of the loss this week). It's also given me a new interest in cooking. Learning to cook new and exciting food that's good for me should be awesome!

If anyone out there recommends any sites or literature I should check out on the Paleo diet, throw it at me. I want to learn more!
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Last but not least last week I ran out of soy milk. (Tragedy let me tell you!) The little grocery store in this island town didn't have any so I opted to try almond milk. I love the dark chocolate almond milk, and I figured, why not try the original.

Can I just say I LOVE it! I think I'm converted. Plus I hope it can be part of a Paleo lifestyle because this milk is amazing! I love almonds too so it's like a little party in my mouth every morning during my breakfast cereal time.

I'm so glad I finally tried it.

Me + Almond Milk = Yumm

Goal(s): For this weeks goals I'm going to:

1. Finish reading and start practicing some of the work outs in my new book.
2. Continue to try Paleo style meals and see where it takes me.
3. Return to jogging.
4. Try kayaking again.
5. Look at myself in the mirror once a day and give myself positive feedback.

Feeling blue does me no good in this weight loss business. This loss really pumped me up and added motivation I sorely needed. Let's hope I can make it count!

That is all for now kids!

love,
-w0rld

Hiking in the land of Bison

My legs, thighs and butt are sore. I'm tired. I have blisters on the balls of my feet. Why? Because in the last two days I hiked a total of 19.5 miles. Twelve of those miles were done yesterday.

My crew and I decided we were going to do the Trans Catalina Trail (a 37 mile trail that takes you from one end of the island to the other) in segments.

Click Here for a bigger map


The orange line shows you the Trans Catalina Trail. In the last two days I managed to finish from mile 1 to mile 16

On Wednesday I finished the first 5 miles (with an extra 2.5 miles to make a loop) and yesterday the crew and I did the next 10 miles (with an extra 2 miles that took us back to town).

Apart from the fantastic work out I got in I was also able to really enjoy a "real" hike in a beautiful area. My sense of accomplishment (when I finally finished, got to take my hiking boots off and take my hurting feet off the ground) was overwhelming.

It's not like I had never walked 10 miles before. I have. But this time I was doing it for a specific purpose. I did it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. I did it because I wanted to accomplish something and be proud of myself. I also did it because I knew I wouldn't be alone. And it felt great doing it with a group of young, energetic, fit, people.

And it was fun. And I'll do it again (but first I think I'll let my blisters subside. LOL)

Here are the pics!

The view of the coming hills in the morning island fog

Messing around in an abandoned tent

Can you see the bison in the distance?

Going down the Trans Cat

As we were hiking we kept spotting the Catalina Island Bison and this one was the closest we'd ever been to one!

By the time we were getting to the end of the trail I was pretty tired and maybe a little loopy as evidence of this picture I took.

Yeah, I don't know about this either.

But then I found this awesome quote that made my day:

Mmmm.. I man after my own heart. This is EXACTLY what I feel like when I'm in nature.

Oh Catalina. The land of bison, fox and eagles. We spotted all three and a few other amazing things.

It's times like these where I truly appreciate my decision to finally get off my ass and get active. I won't ever regret it. I will always keep going.

The soreness, the exhaustion, the blisters. They're always worth it.

love
-w0rld

Weigh In: Emotional Eating Won

Not even 7 a.m. and I was on the scale this morning reading what I could already see in the mirror and feel inside.

Current Weight: 202.2 lbs (+2.8 lbs)

Work Out Achievement(s): So apparently my couple of hikes, couple of runs and few crunches weren't enough to battle off the emotional eating I've been doing the last few days of ice cream, chocolate and fries.

Just last night I found myself going back to the kitchen for more fruit. The only problem is that for each serving I slathered on honey and cottage cheese. Way to make healthy food not so healthy.

It's time to do something drastic. Something to jump start me on the right track again though I'm not sure what. And being on an island I obviously can't go anywhere for guidance (which is kind of freaking me out a little bit).

Not to mention I made a mistake yesterday and now I'm paying the consequences.

In all honesty I'm stressed, I'm tired, and old habits are creeping up. It's like my mental defenses are being challenged and I'm caving.

I don't know exactly what I can do to re-start my weight loss progress but the few things I've tried don't seem to be working.

I realize that a lot of the things I do to lose weight are experimental. Some things work for a while and that's when I see the weight come off. Some things don't and that's when I hit plateaus or (like in this case) a bounce back on the scale. Sometimes it sucks being your own guinea pig.

I NEED to find my niche again. I need to figure this out. One thing is for sure I need to find a more stable and longer work out. Running every other day isn't enough.

God I miss the pool.

Goal(s): I'm going to try hiking everyday. After work I'm going to go for a hike. Most, if not all of the hikes around here are heavy inclines so I'm hoping that no matter what hike I do it'll be enough of a work out to get me going.

I'll have to be careful around here because it can get hot, and this place is dry and rocky. But I can do it. I'm going to have to to attempt to get this weight off.

And also, NO MORE ICE CREAM! That's really what did me in last week. Being in the middle of front street watching tourists eating ice cream, candy and etc all day long does not help my endurance.

I'm going to stop bringing money to work. If I don't have money to spend on junk food I can't have it right?

That's all for now. I'll check in later this week to see how my "go hiking and stop eating junk food" goals for the week are going.

Good luck to you and me!

love
-w0rld

I'm feeling better.

After my crazy frustrated post in the 4th I'm happy to report that I'm feeling better. Reading your blogs, your encouraging comments either here or on facebook. Taking initiative and looking for inspirational stories, books, and videos (and a couple of jogs thrown in between then and now) have helped me to move past my frustrations and keep on with my journey with re-charged enthusiasm.

Thank you.

Back on top with a view of the Catalina vineyard with the coast in the background. Beautiful isn't it?

love,
-w0rld

Weigh In: Even Optimists need a Break

Let's start out by saying I am NOT in a good mood this morning. This mornings weigh in, my lack of sleep, and personal little annoyances have teamed up to put me in a slightly foul mood this morning. I apologize and warn before I even start. But let's get to it!


Current Weight: 199.4 lbs (+0.6 lbs from last week and -0 lbs from the start of July)

Work Out Achievement(s): I'm not going to lie here. I almost burst in to tears this morning when I saw this number. Frustration over a non-moving scale (and yes I know there's more to it than a number on the scale. Yes I know I should look at my work out achievements and how far I've come. Yes I know that I should look at how I feel and how well my clothes look. etc etc etc), especially after how sore I've been, and how hard -- at least I thought it was hard-- I worked this week. It felt like it was all for nothing.

Then I start thinking more. That extra helping of trailmix. The holiday weekend drinks. Those fries, the lack of sleep, and a new work schedule. Little regrets that are keeping me from moving forward from my weight loss goals.

I'm so tired of not seeing results. You can only keep positive so far in the face of obstacles until you need a break. A bit of results to keep you going. I'm not getting that and I'm tired.

I'm tired of staying hopeful. Of keeping myself motivated with little pep talks. Of working out when I'm already so tired.

I went out dancing last night (three nights in a row actually) and walking back at one o' clock in the morning I realized I hadn't done my core work outs. What did I do, but put on my pj's drop to the floor and do 150 crunches before bed.

Or two days earlier when I woke up late and didn't get a jog in. The hike later that day wasn't enough of a work out so at the end of the day, after work, after a steep hike, and before dinner, I grab my running shoes and jog 2 miles.

I did it.

Not because I wanted to. Or because I like it. Or because I'm looking for praise. I did it because I had to. I did it because there's no way I'm going to allow myself to become the lazy, fat, depressed person I was before "w0rld's FAT blog."

I did it because I hated who I was before and in the end it's easier to just grit my teeth and do it than regret it when I'm 50 lbs heavier and being told by a doctor that I have diabetes, or heart disease, or ruined knees.

I did it for me. Yet, it would be nice to see some results for my efforts.

Is that too much to ask?

Goal(s): I can't wait until this holiday weekend is over and I can return to some sort of healthy routine. As I've mentioned before I'm not much of a drinker, and although I don't partake of all the booze and festivities it'll be nice when I don't have to look at endless beer cans, whiskey, vodka and tequila bottles scattered all around me.

My goal for this week is to go on a long hike at least once. Go swimming again at least once. Stay away from greasy food and prepare all my meals this week.

I think it's definitely do-able.

Have a great 4th of July and please excuse my ranting post.

tired yet determined,
-w0rld

Hiking it Off/July Weigh In!

It's July 1st! That means it's time to update my monthly weigh in. It's funny actually. This morning I automatically grabbed my scale (although it's not Monday) and weighed myself. Only after I weighed myself did I realize it was July 1st and I was SUPPOSED to weigh myself. Good deal.

So here it is:

Current Weight: 199.4 lbs (I actually gained a little since Monday and lost nothing since June, but with the craziness that's been going I should just be happy I haven't gained anything.)

Sure I wasn't too happy to see that my weight hasn't moved in a month. I'm also not happy that I'm mid way through the summer and instead of being closer to my goal weight I've been fighting to stay inside ONEderland.

But it's ok. I will keep fighting. I will keep moving forward. I WILL do it!

Funny enough today was also the day that one of my co-workers and I finally moved to the other side of the island to officially start work. I've been in Catalina for almost two weeks and have spent it all training. It really didn't have to last this long but we were delayed because we had to wait for a vehicle AND gather extra materials we needed. We have both now and so off we went.

I'll be spending half my time here on the western side of the island as I will on the main/eastern side-- the town of Avalon.

To commemorate our move to Two Harbors (the name of the tiny town on the western side) my co-worker and I went on a hike that a local/returning tourist recommended to us.

The hike was completely uphill and pretty steep in some places. But we did it and boy was the view worth it when we got to the top.

The west side of the island. Absolutely beautiful isn't it?

The guy who recommended the hike to us told us that people had the tradition of using extra wire to write their names on the wire fence and told us to go up there and find his. We did. At the very end and highest point of the hill:

Guess what the guys name was. LOL. He told us that a "W" sign meant "no work". Rob was celebrating his retirement by hiking a giant hill and writing his name with wire on the top of the hill. LOL

It was a great hike and we actually met a Texan who also made it up the hill. We chatted him up and practiced our new island naturalist knowledge on him. I loved his accent. LOL

Even though the weigh in wasn't what I wanted it's been a good day. A good start of work and a good start to the month.

Now let's keep this progress going! .. At least my pants feel baggy! That's got to count for something!

love
-w0rld