As you can tell from my title I'm a little stressed right now.
This week so far has been a little hectic and today, just now actually I kind of lost ALL of my energy and gained some anxiety, when earlier today I was fine.
I am not fine.
First of all I missed my Weigh In on Monday due to this big presentation I had been working on for weeks. It happened. It went well. I missed swimming, and blogging because of it.
But I did weigh myself that morning. The results were also not very happy:
Weigh In: 206.2 lbs (I have gained 1 lbs)
Now I know what you're thinking. "Get a grip on yourself Elina, you only gained ONE pound. This is NOT the end of the world."
You're right of course but this set back, and knowing that my loss has been trickling these last couple of months, as well as the stress eating I've been doing (yes, I have, more than once gone up to a Casino lobby vending machine and bought a candy bar while working on my presentation and having phone interviews with employers) has left me with this HUGE guilty and rotten feeling.
To top it off things aren't going well at work. The drama I usually have with my co-worker is kind of resurfacing (but not to the extent it was earlier) and things are now as stressful as ever since he was offered a job and is leaving early. This wouldn't be a problem except that there is a chance that I might have to leave early too, and my boss is FREAKING OUT.
I don't want to abandon this project but if I get offered a job and it starts early this project is over. It is EXTREMELY stressful to me to have to wait for a phone call with a job offer (that may or may not come) and MY decision will be the base on whether or not this project continues.
This is too much. I usually try not to mention too much about things that aren't "FAT blog" related but this stress, odd scheduling, bad eating, and etc are affecting my weight loss. Halting it really.
Now, I have to take a second and look at the good things. I should be glad I have a job at all right now. I should be glad that my problem is having TOO many phone interviews instead of no one being interested in my resume. I should be happy I've at least been maintaining my weight, that my over all health is good and that people have been RAVING over the presentation I did on Monday, talking about how good it was and how the word is spreading, and how they want me to present again... I should even be flattered that the restaurant cook has a little crush on me and fussed all over my dinner last night and even gave me free pie out of nowhere to keep me happy... but that is another type of stress I'm not going to get into hehehe..
And I am glad for all of it. I am! But it doesn't stop me from being stressed. It's also not a good excuse for the horrible eating habits I've been doing.
Work related, living situation related, future possible work related, personally related and weight loss related stress. All of it suddenly gained up on me an hour ago and I'm beat.
All I want to do is sleep. I want to rush in to town and check my cell phone to see if anyone left a message saying "Elina, we want YOU to work with us. And here are some extra benefits to seal the deal!" I want to run to the convenience store or drive all the way down the canyon to the Date Ranch and load myself on dates and date bread and forget about everything. I want to drive home and see my family. I want to go to Vegas and go dancing. I want to go swimming. I DON'T want to go swimming. I want to forget about work all together find a nice quiet and comfortable room with a bed, put on "This American Life" on my itunes and relax.
All of this I cannot do. I have to deal with what I have. And I have to be smart and conscious about my decisions. Food related and not.
I can do this.
Now, I admit things aren't all bad.