Quick Post: I'm still alive!

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to do a quick post before my laptop dies.

I am now in the desert *squee.. and yes it's freaking hot*

I was unable to do a Weigh In yesterday due to the fact that I'm in a town with a population of 20 (I will make number 21 for a few months. LOL ) and there are no scales around at the moment.

I am eating a LOT of fruit and Gallons of water to stay cool.

My work has me trudging through bogs, marsh hot spring water, and the tallest bulrush I have ever experienced;

Hence my legs are killing me, I get exhausted walking 30 meters and,

I'm stoaked at having this great work out!

Yes I'm weird.

A more detailed post later (and pictures!!)when my comp isn't dying and I don't have to sit on a log, in a dark corner, outside a one room "museum" stealing their wifi.

Much love
-w0rld

Update on Zumba Boy

Well in the past I talked about going to Zumba in 24 and twice I talked about this instructor that caught my attention here and here

I simply wanted to update that some time last week when I finally went in to the gym I decided to take a sheet with the different class schedules on it.

I was happy to see that Owen (aka Zumba Boy) had now re-taken over his old time slot as a Zumba instructor.

It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to see that this guy was now full time again.

I don't know this kid. What was going on with him or how he was doing but from the first time I met and saw him I've felt this 'mother hen' feeling toward him. I guess it's the mother in me... lol

I haven't actually gone to his class though, which I slightly regret. But I don't need to see him in action to be happy for him.

I hope everything goes well in his endeavers.. that Zumba Boy.

lol

that's all!

-w0rld

Starting Work!

So I finally got to talk to the lady in charge of my project and although I technically knew that I was supposed to start work this Sunday, I couldn't wrap my arm around it until I was able to talk to her today and get details.

Now I'm thrilled! I'm going to be going out in the middle of the desert in 100+ degree weather to this little town that's no bigger than a gas station an Inn and a restaurant in a stretch of Highway, carrying traps to and fro in the middle of the night and early morning.. and yes! I am excited to go out there and start.

My life has been on Hold since I finished my work in Nevada. Sure everyone needs a break,and I've had it and thensome and now I'm ready to go on with my life.

Continue to grow, learn, work and experience. Not only on my weight loss journey but in the rest of my life.

It's time for me to start living again. If I have to go out to the middle of nowhere to do it, so be it!

Wish me luck!
-w0rld

Food 1: Elina 0

Yesterday was not a good food day. Well I admit the day before also wasn't a great food day since I kept getting up from the couch going to the kitchen, eating something and going back to the couch all day.

But yesterday was the day of utter temptation. And I lost the fight. I was cooking chicken that afternoon, planning to just eat some with some pinto beans my grandma made earlier that day and that's it.. but the night before my parents bought Pan Dulce (that's Mexican Sweet Bread to you)

something like this

and left it in a tray in the middle of the dining table and not to mention a bag of bolillo

mmm.. bolillo my worst nemesis when it comes to bread. so good so great for tortas and general sandwiches.. mmm

So without meaning to I ended up eating two sweet breads before noon and a torta for lunch.

I ate some of my chicken too but I wasn't that hungry by then.. but then my brother came home later that afternoon....

He was eating a donut.

Now I know perfectly well that eating donuts is one of the worst things I could do, since I can never stop at one, theyre not only sugary but fried.. and just bad news all around.. I usually avoid them like the plague.

But my brother had one. To top it off I'm also reading the fourth Dexter book.. and if you watch Dexter you might remember that he works with cops and he uses donuts to make cops happy as well as himself happy since half the book is all about Dexter being hungry and the kind of food he eats!

So I start complaining that now I want a donut. My lil teenage sister with-the-metabolism-of-a-gerbil suggests we go out and get donuts. I tell her I would if I knew there was a donut shop close by. Unfortunately for me she DID know of a donut place close by.

I'm seriously tempted to go get a donut. To sabotage myself I tell my sister that if she wants a donut she has to go with me. And if we're going to get donuts we have to walk there.

Now, my plan here was that since my sister is as lazy as I am and never EVER wants to go for a walk with me, I expected her to back out of the "let's get donuts" plan because that would mean she had to walk a few blocks and how could she muster up enough energy for that.

Pretty good plan right? WRONG! She thinks about it. I, convinced the conversation was over, go to the kitchen to wash dishes and 2 minutes later my sister comes over and says,
"I have my shoes on. I'm waiting for you."

I couldn't believe it! By now my mouth was watering at the thought of a donut. But not only that I had eaten another sweet bread by this time and in order to make excuses to GO get donuts I tell myself I'm going to replace the bread I just ate, "because that one was dads and he's going to get mad at me for eating his pan dulce"..

So feeling slightly guilty, but not guilty enough to stop, I put on my shoes and we go walking to the donut shop.

I end up buying half a dozen donuts.

Does anyone else feel like Homer Simpson right now?

We also walk over to the Panaderia (that's Bakery to you) and buy ONE sweet bread. To replace the one I ate earlier. It seemed silly that we had a big bag of donuts in one hand.. and a tiny bag of ONE bread in the other.. but that's how it worked.

We walk home.

Is the story over? NO!

After we get back and distribute the donuts between my sister, my sister in law, my brother and me... my mom finally comes home.

She brings in a rotisserie chicken (like the ones you buy cooked from the grocery store) a huge box of Costco pizza, a humongous pumpkin pie, and a box of greens with Ranch Salad dressing on the side.

I inwarldy scream!

Turns out my mom came home from a dinner for faculty (she works at the school district and is good friends with most of the staff and faculty) yet very few teachers actually showed up for the dinner. So my mom being the nice lady that she is.. decides to bring home the food.

My sis-in-law is already getting a plate for the pumpkin pie.. that looks as big as a medium sized pizza.

The pizza is being consumed by my brother like there's no tomorrow.

I'm still eating my donut. But now I want pizza and pie.

I'm not even hungry but I decide to grab a little of both before the other two finish it.. that's my logic here, "Those two are going to finish all the food and if I don't get in there there's going to be nothing left. I better go get some"

and I do. I get some. A slice of each

evil pizza


evil pie!

By the end of the night half the pie is gone, there's only one donut left in the bag, and only two slices are left in the pizza box. Now I know I didn't finish those things by myself. But my slice of each definitely helped.

The worst part of it all is that I didn't even feel that guilty about it.

What I did feel was hopelessness.. and maybe a little anger. Anger at myself for not being able to resist and discipline myself. But also anger at my family for continuing to bring these things to the house and not even having the decency of putting it away instead of leaving it at the table where I can see it.

Now I know this isn't fair. It is not their fault that I can't control my urges, that I can't just "stop eating then" like my little sister says every time I complain when she makes brownies and leaves them in the table. That I can't just put the food out of my mind and adopt the motto of 'out of sight out of mind' and just NOT eat.

But at the same time I can't help but get annoyed. I sometimes feel like the food they bring is a test. A test to see if I'll break. I don't know if this kind of support is something I can live with for too long. It's not working.

But again it's not their fault. They're not the ones trying to lose weight. They're not the ones who have to worry about it. I can't put my diet and changing eating habits on them, because then *I* am the one torturing *them* with my brown rice and curry instead of quesadillas and carne asada they love so much.

Who am I to change their eating habits? Who am I to complain? Why should I force my journey on them?

In all honesty I'm hoping that my job starts soon. Once I'm back on my own I can dictate what I ate, when I eat it and how. This is mean. I love my family. But I don't think I can continue doing this much longer.

I don't want to feel hopeless and helpless anymore.

I promise to stay away from the left over 'evil' food today.

-w0rld

Weigh In

Current Weight: 232 lbs ( I used the house scale so I still have to check with the gym scale)

Work Out Achievement(s): First of all I decided to give myself a free day on Sunday, hence the reason there was no "Sunday Report". I'm also pretty happy and a bit relieved at my weigh in this morning since I admit yesterday I felt like utter shit and I could *feel* myself gaining weight. I was SO sure I had gone up to 240 lbs.. so when I read the scale this morning and found out that despite my laziness at going to the gym I still managed to lose a pound or two I was thrilled.

Since I pretty much wrote about my (lack of)work outs through out the week with my "reports" there's not much new to report here. Except that it's 10pm on Monday night and I still haven't gone to the gym.. something tells me it's not going to happen.. sigh

I have NOT given up! I will be starting work in the desert next week


This is a view of the road I'll be taking this weekend to reach my new home away from home~
and I need to prepared, so I have to start working out and getting re-used to working in high heat (eek! over 100 degree weather!)

So this brings us to,

Goal(s): So goal for this week is to continue to go to the gym and also start jogging outside more since there won't be any 24 hour fitness where I'm going and I have to get used to NOT relying on a gym for everything and get used to using the land.
This Saturday my mom, sis and I spent the whole day cleaning our backyard of junk and in all that rubble we found my mom's bike. It looked in pretty good condition despite the cobwebs and flat tires. Maybe some WD-40 on the chain and breaks and it could be good as new.
Maybe if I get my butt off the couch long enough I can start this little project and get it ready to take with me.. or maybe come back for it once I get settled in the desert.
Let's see what happens!

love,
-w0rld

Saturdays Report

So yesterday I spent the whole day with my mom and sister working in the backyard.. clearing out all the crap we have (my family and I are the worst pack rats you can imagine. I mean seriously!) including tearing down old furniture and chopping up old mattresses, carrying heavy pieces of metal and iron (my dad is a welder) and also spraying the entire exterior of the house with an extra concentrated pesticide for fleas and ticks and etc since our poor dogs have been completely infested with fleas. I was scared we'd get reported to the SPCA at how bad it was.

By the time we finished I was tired and again, I didn't end up going to the gym. *shakes head* This is 3 days in a row already that I haven't gone. Not that I haven't kept active-ish but it's not the same.

And also since we didn't have time to cook anything my mom suddenly disappeared and came back with In-N-Out burgers. The best burgers in the world in my opinion, but also not the greatest choice.

So final report:

Calories burned: 1048
Calories consumed: 2640

Beating Temptation: Round 1/Fridays Report

So last night I went to the fair again, determined to catch free tickets to that nights concert although I had no idea what band was playing. Sure enough we made it in, the music ended up being Soul (the band was from Oakland, awesome~) but I couldn't help notice that my date was miserable so we decided to leave and after walking the fair like crazy he decides he's hungry.

Out of all the food in the fair he decides he wants to try a Deep Fried White Castle burger with fries, and deep fried Oreos. I inwardly... and outwardly cringed at his selection.

We sat down, he ate. I decided that instead of staring at him eat I would take over his fries and let him eat everything else. Thankfully I didn't finish the fries, and thankfully he finished his food with out my assistance.

2 points for me!

The bad thing was that we didn't end up leaving the fair until midnight (we got there at 8pm so it wasn't that long a night) and so I didn't make it to the gym that night. I did count all the walking we did at the fair.

I'm hoping this week end won't be so bad consumption-wise.

So this brings us to Fridays Report:

Calories burned: 700
Calories consumed: 1,903

Thursday's Report

So yesterday I spent most of the day catching up about crazy things with an old friend, which is good, and eating fried zucchini and french fries like mad, which is not so good.

Long story short I ate quite a bit of fried food and no gym yesterdaay. The only exercise I got was when I was helping my mom rehearse a Quincianera valz. (My mom is a part time choreographer for these coming of age ceremonies/parties). So overall:

Calories burned: 150
Calorie intake: 2160

I'm noticing a trend here in my food consumption. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Gotta work on that.

Have a great Weekend!

-w0rld

*Inhale* Ok, Let's Do This!

So I've been working on this new routine I swore to do after I found out I re-gained around 10 lbs in a semi-span of a month.

After talking to the most awesomenest-cousin-in-the-world-and-did-I-mention-she's-gorgeous-and-uber-talented (<--this is actually how I describe her to people, I'm not exagerating, she's awesome) when she showed concern over my drastic attempt to lose weight fast and possibly making a plan for failure, I decided to calm down take some time to really look at things and research ways in which I can make healthy changes to my lifestyle and smoothly make transitions that my body can cope with instead of just going ape-shit on exercise and bad dieting tactics.

I decided to go back to SparkPeople.com (which I really haven't been taking advantage of as I should) and read some articles, used some programs and it helped me I think, get some perspective and some balance.

I have to remember that this is a process and that I have to learn from my mistakes. Take it easy and steady and not try to rush in to anything that I know I won't be able to keep up with in the long run. I mean how can I continue to do over 1000 calorie burn exercises everyday for the rest of my life (unless I was a professional triathalon competitor.. or maybe a Tour de France cyclist like Lance Armstrong) and am I really going to be able to give up some of my favorite foods completely? How can I avoid cheese when I live with a family and a culture that loves quesadillas like a religious artifact?

So long story short I think I was able to gain a bit of a reality check after talking to "T.A.C. in the world". I am still going to go to the gym and/or exercise daily to burn as many calories as I can without killing myself or going overboard and I WILL be tracking my calorie intake.

So here's Wednesdays Report:---------------------------------------------


I procrastinated in going to the gym all Wednesday and finally at around 10pm I decided to get off my ass and go.
I got there and did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, changing the settings to trick my body up from it's regular routine.

I then decided to try out the stationary bike for 15 minutes( I want to try and get used to riding a bike again since I think it would be a nice work out and a nice way to get around once I move to the desert). That was interesting challenge. I took it easy because I wanted to see how my knees would take it.

Finally I power walked/jogged on the treadmill for 15 minutes to finish up the cardio.

End result:

Calorie burn: 736
Calorie intake: 2118

I actually liked the environment of the gym at night ( I was there from 10-12am pretty much). People knew each other. Made a point to chit chat with each other and help each other out. It was nice, and much better than the whole "gotta get in a full work out during lunch and let's get back to work" or "Early morning work out, then head out to my life" dinamic I was around most of the times I went.

I might go back at night again. Though I know that working out right before bed isn't the best thing to do etc etc.. we'll see.

Wish me luck people.

I feel refreshed!

-w0rld

Tuesdays Report

So the total for yesterday was:

Burned: 800 calories
Consumed: 2083 cal

Interesting start. I haven't been keeping track of my calories in a while now this is a good eye opener.

Let's keep it going. I'll be going to the gym in a few hours. I promise NOT to weigh myself. lol

-w0rld

Weigh In: New Start

Current Weight: 234 lbs (yes you read that right)

Work Out Achievement(s): I only made it to the gym a few times last week. I don't remember exactly how many times. Nowadays one week seems like forever. Last monday feels like a fortnight or a month ago.

Yesterday I didn't go to the gym and had my not-so-little panic attack when I read the house scale.

I went to the gym early this morning to confirm my new weight and yes I did end up gaining 5 lbs in one week or so.. Now that isn't true. I've slowly but steadily been gaining weight for a month and I have no excuses left. Sigh. So I spent an hour doing cardio and preventing myself from bursting in to tears. (I'm not joking. I kept hoping no one noticed my mood or else I wouldn't have been able to control the flood I was holding back)


This weekend was the worse yet. I had a giant ramen and chicken teriyaki dinner on Saturday night and then I had a giant feeding frenzy on Sunday when I went to the L.A. County Fair with my family.

Not only was the food uber expensive it was fatty and filling.. and I kept eating it!


Anyway this is such a dissapointment but this isn't the time for me to wallow in self loathing and shame. It's time to take extreme action. Which brings us to:

Goal(s): So after spending the first 30 minutes in the gym feeling shame and sadness it slowly turned into anger and finally during the last 30 minutes I decided to make a plan:

We have to remember that +/-3,500 calories= +/- 1 lbs

Therefore if I work out and burn 500 calories everyday for a week I'll be able to lose a pound a week. Of course if I also cut 500 calories from my diet everyday that will also help lose the weight.
Since I need to lose more than one pound a week I need to burn more than 500 calories a day so my plan is to burn 1000 calories a day for the next 2 weeks as well as try to keep my calorie intake around 1700.

I have 2 weeks before I start work and move far away from the nearest 24 hour fitness.

I will document how many calories I burn as well as how many calories I consume in this blog, every day for the next two weeks.

I need to get into gear and stop whining about how I'm not losing weight and etc.

This is my plan. I WILL do it.

Calories in vs. Calories out!

Today so far I've burned 790 calories. I plan to go on a walk tonight, or do another session at the gym before bed to burn the 210calories or so.

I'll make another small posting tonight with the total number of calories burned and consumed.

Wish me luck!
-w0rld

I'm freaking out

It's the end of the day on Monday and I hadn't been able to go to the gym let alone weigh myself. So I decided to weigh myself quickly using the house scale.

The number freaked me out! How can I possibly gain 8 pounds in 3 days?

I'm hoping this is some kind of fluke. That the scale is wrong.. that the 60 ounces of water I drank today had something to do with it. That my underwear is heavy.. anything ANYTHING to make sense of the number I saw on the scale tonite.

I'm not writing it down. I'm going to wait for tomorrow and go to the gym first thing in the morning. I won't believe it unless I do it right.

How can this happen??!

need to breathe.. need to breathe..

-w0rld

What's worse: Emotional Eating or Emotional Shopping??

So yesterday wasn't a good day for me. Today isn't necesarily a big difference but I do feel a tad bit less-hopeless.

That's good right?

Well I decided to do something different.. Like what?

I decided to go window shopping at the local Lane Bryant store. (Which is quickly becoming my favorite plus size clothing store.. close call with Torrid)

Except I forgot how easily I can succumb to salesmanship and flat out flattery. Especially when the sexily dressed sales lady grabs me from the beginning and tells me that I should watch out because since I'm "smaller sized" that things my "small" size goes fast and I should make sure to check out this section and etc.

The ladies also convinced me to try out a cami/shirt layer combination in a size smaller than what I'm used to.

I try on the thing. I like it. The ladies convince me to buy it.

I listen to them. I feel better.

Why did this happen?
Maybe because I felt better when someone told me I was considered "smaller sized" in a plus sized store.
Maybe it was because of the way I looked in the size they gave me.
Maybe it's because I hate my current look and wanted to do something different. (I did straighten my hair today.. something I haven't done since college.)

I don't know but you be the judge:


This is me, today, with straight hair in a LB fitting room with a cami/shirt combination in a size 14/16.
This is the crappy pic I managed to take with my phone the second one of the very insistant sales ladies knocked on my door and asked me how I was doing.
I think you could tell I had the "cat ate the canary" caught look when I turned around. LOL

What do you think? Well obviously I liked it cause I ended up buying the cami (not the shirt) and I feel like going back and buying more.

I admit I felt weird though cause the sales woman kept talking to someone on the other side of her headset and kept repeating "Bring out all the different color camis in a size 14. A size 14 honey. Yes 14."

I kept thinking "14? Weird!!"

No. I am NOT a size 14. Not yet.

But one day!~

love
-w0rld

Super Late Weign In

It's the belly button of the week and only now am I getting to the Weigh In

Disappointment is in order:

Current Weight: 229 lbs (what?! gah!!)

Workout Achievement(s): I made it to the gym maybe four times last week. I got lazy during Labor Day weekend and rushed one of those workouts because it was getting late for my "hot date" I had that night. (lol lol lol). Apparently Labor Day weekends, eating ice cream here and there and "hot dates" are not enough to keep the weight down but actually brings the weight up. Who knew? Who knew...

I admit right now that this is starting to worry me again. Again I've been feeling the effects of the weight gain in my skin. Discomfort and pain again. Why do health complications rely sooo much on the scale?? Why?! *whine, whine, gripe, gripe*

I'm considering calling Kaiser and demanding an appointment with a dietician. The last time I called they refered me to "Prevention Classes" where I ended up taking a diabetes class, weight management class, and the ol' favorite Depression class .

I DON'T want a class. I want to talk to a dietician and come up with something for me specifically. Or at least talk to someone one-on-one about the things I already know but need to be pushed and ingrained in my head. Maybe even forced to do a food journal and come back in a week if I have to.

I need to be forced to do this. I'm getting lazy again and it shows. It shows on the scale. It shows in the mirror. It shows in my skin.

(WTH am I talking about skin and pain and etc you ask? Look it up if you're really interested )

When I re-look up my health problems I get mad and ashamed that I would risk those things for junk food and lazy weather. Ashamed.

This is not fun.

Goal(s): Well I already mentioned talking to a dietician. I need to keep going to the gym. Just go everyday. That's all I can ask for right now. If I try to come up with some elaborate plan I'm going set myself up for failure, and I don't need that.

It's time to start reading more blogs maybe. I need to inspire myself!

Wish me luck *slumps*



I'm going to need it.

-w0rld

What to do when Sugar Calls?

This post isn't an antedote on what to do when you get cravings. This is honestly a plea and a question I'm asking the world because in all honestly, SUGAR IS TEMPTING ME! It's calling my name and pulling me toward it. WTH!!

Yesterday my sister and I went to our favorite Borders to go online (our internets have been turned off this week.. don't ask.. just know that until next week our house is shut down to the outside world).

Anyway, we were sitting at the cafe. I was checking my email and doing a couple of internet errands. My sister was waiting patiently to use my sexy comp (yes I think my laptop is sexy. It's a big and shiny Dell. It's new, it's black and it's just.. well sexy. LOL)

I kept glancing at the cashier section, with their breads and sugary snacks display. Their posters of frothy drinks and their pictures of the Public Market in Seattle


and I could literally feel a pull to want to go over there, bring out my Debit card and buy the entire cafe!

I kept asking my sister randomly if she wanted something, simply for an excuse to buy myself a Double Chocolate Chip frapaccino, buy a cookie, buy a scone. Buy a Chai Latte.. anything!

but no.

My sister wasn't interested. I couldn't find a valid reason as to why I should buy something. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't thirsty. Why should I?

After a while I finished my internet wanderings, left my sexy comp to my sis and wandered the book store. Looking for something to take my mind off the pull to sugary goodness.

After a while I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to leave.

It got to the point where I was giving myself a headache just thinking and fighting myself to NOT go up there. It kind of freaked me out. But no. We left without ever stepping one step closer to the cashier.

......

Now you would think this is a tale of triumph. Elina wins over the evil Seattle's Best Coffee. Puts her foot down. Raises her arm like Gandalf and screams out "Step Away Temptress!! I am stronger than you!"

But alas no.. that is not the case. Today I returned to Borders ( how else could I make this update without internet right?) and what is the first thing I do when I walk through the door?

I order a White Caramel Cold Latte. The empty cup is sitting next to my sexy comp as I type. The latte wasn't even good... yet I downed it.

I don't even like coffee....

*slump*

What to do when Sugar Calls?? ... Go somewhere else for your wifi.

sigh.

I will prevail!!

love
-w0rld